FanFiction.Net - dead drifter's fanfiction

Kakuzu Klaus

2008-12-25T05:53:07-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor
Pairing: Kakuzu & Itachi U.
Chapters: 1, Words: 938, Reviews: 13 Published: 12-25-08
Status: Complete

Oneshot. Being Santa is hard work. Especially when Santa's little helper is Itachi Uchiha.

Fright Fest

2008-12-24T18:30:29-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Horror
Pairing: Pein & Konan
Chapters: 8, Words: 9,501, Reviews: 46 Updated: 12-24-08 Published: 12-18-08
Status: Complete

crack!Akatsuki Halloween! Or is it?

Dirty Old Man

2008-12-10T10:03:08-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Kakuzu & Sasori
Chapters: 6, Words: 8,182, Reviews: 137 Updated: 12-10-08 Published: 1-31-08
Status: In-Progress

Crack fic, Yaoi in varying amounts of naughtiness. Someone messes with Kakuzu’s heart meds for a joke, but the results are unexpected. Unable to stop himself, Kakuzu bangs every male person he encounters. Ch.7 KakuZet Ch.8 KakuHida Ch.9 KakuDei Ch.10 ?

Flee

2008-10-25T00:57:24-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Romance/Tragedy
Pairing: Kakuzu & Konan
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,648, Reviews: 12 Published: 10-25-08
Status: Complete

A What If? Fic. Kakuzu/Konan. Somehow, Kakuzu survived, and Konan leaves with him in hopes of starting a new life. Will they be able to find happiness, or will fate catch up to them?

Hard Core Gaming

2008-10-19T18:48:46-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Death Note
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: Matt & Mello
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,856, Reviews: 20 Published: 10-19-08
Status: In-Progress

Yaoi Matt/Mello. Matt wants to play a game that Mello is sure to enjoy.

Pimp My Sculptor

2008-08-03T13:17:17-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Drama/Romance
Pairing: Sasori & Deidara
Chapters: 8, Words: 10,902, Reviews: 165 Updated: 8-3-08 Published: 3-3-08
Status: In-Progress

Epic Rape. The Akatsuki are running low on funds, so Pein decides to pimp Deidara out to the rest of the ninja world. A little humor, angst, drama, romance, even horror thrown in!

Cruisin' USA

2008-08-03T13:12:30-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Adventure
Pairing: Pein & Tobi
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,821, Reviews: 29 Published: 8-3-08
Status: In-Progress

crack!Akatsuki. Sir Leader thinks it’s about time that everyone in Akatsuki learns how to drive! Featuring school bus hijackings, transvestite hookers, hit and runs, a professional drunk driving course, grand theft auto, sexual harassment and MORE!

Akatsuki Home Cooking

2008-08-03T13:07:17-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor
Pairing: Itachi U. & Zetsu
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,669, Reviews: 27 Published: 8-3-08
Status: In-Progress

crack!Akatsuki! Learn to cook from our beloved evil organization! Rated for sexual mentions no sexual content .

I Am Not!

2008-08-02T02:27:31-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor
Chapters: 9, Words: 5,681, Reviews: 190 Updated: 8-2-08 Published: 1-4-08
Status: In-Progress

Each Akatsuki gives us a moment of their time to rant and rave about something that they most definitely are NOT. And yet…maybe they really ARE.

To Hell and Back

2008-07-10T08:18:24-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Supernatural/Adventure
Pairing: Kakuzu & Hidan
Chapters: 10, Words: 32,998, Reviews: 150 Updated: 7-10-08 Published: 5-11-08
Status: Complete

ShounenAi KakuHidan. Kakuzu’s dead, but he can’t rest until his Soul Mate, Hidan, dies as well. The dead nin returns to Earth armed with the only thing that CAN kill Jashinists: Stygian water…Full summary inside.

Frozen Plums

2008-07-07T01:59:08-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Bleach
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Drama/Spiritual
Pairing: Hitsugaya T. & Hinamori M.
Chapters: 2, Words: 979, Reviews: 3 Published: 7-7-08
Status: In-Progress

Drabbles. Toushiro/Hinamori. A collection of Tou/Mo stories in various genres.

Not Your Typical 9 to 5

2008-05-16T23:10:15-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/Humor
Pairing: Neji H. & Sasori
Chapters: 3, Words: 5,012, Reviews: 47 Updated: 5-16-08 Published: 2-4-08
Status: In-Progress

AU. Yaoi. Sequel to "Elevator Music." Red Moon Inc. is a gay friendly work environment! Every chapter is smut, with various Akatsuki/ Konoha/ Suna pairings/triplings! Ch1: Nejori Ch2: NejiSasoGaa Ch3: KakuHidaShika

The Cabin

2008-05-16T20:52:11-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Ouran High School Host Club
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/Humor
Pairing: Mori/Takashi M. & Honey/Mitsukuni H.
Chapters: 3, Words: 5,606, Reviews: 82 Updated: 5-16-08 Published: 3-1-08
Status: In-Progress

Yaoi. MoriHunny. KyouyaTamaki. Twincest. Ouran Orgy. The Host Club are vacationing in a cabin in the French Alps, but what's going on inside the cabin is much more fun than skiing down the mountains!

Afterglow

2008-04-16T05:51:12-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Drama/General
Pairing: Sasuke U. & Tobi
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,731, Reviews: 16 Published: 4-16-08
Status: Complete

Oneshot. YAOI TobiSasu. SPOILERS FOR CH 396 & 397! Tobi torments Sasuke in his cave. Featuring bondage, blood and melted wax!

Akatsuki Fools

2008-04-02T07:35:33-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor
Pairing: Kakuzu & Deidara
Chapters: 1, Words: 5,113, Reviews: 33 Published: 4-2-08
Status: Complete

Crack! April Fool’s Day fun with the Akatsuki! ALL of them! Rated for language.

Lucky Gai's Irish Pub

2008-03-17T01:50:46-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor
Chapters: 2, Words: 3,845, Reviews: 38 Updated: 3-17-08 Published: 3-16-08
Status: In-Progress

Akatsuki Crack! The evil organization and resident servant Tobi are invited to participate in the festivities at Konoha for St. Patrick’s Day. Featuring Kakuzu’s Pot O’ Gold, Bearded Sasori, Skittles spoofs, Zetsu’s seed and more! Rated for language.

Riders of the Red Dawn

2008-03-04T09:24:27-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Western/Humor
Pairing: Kakuzu & Hidan
Chapters: 2, Words: 2,679, Reviews: 40 Updated: 3-4-08 Published: 1-31-08
Status: In-Progress

AU. The Akatsuki are a gang of outlaws in the wild west. They end up shacking up in a dying town called El Suna, where the leader of the group, Pein, falls head over boot heels for a pretty little whore named Konan. Crack humor, romance, het, shounen ai

In His Arms

2008-03-01T16:28:27-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Ouran High School Host Club
Language: English, Rated: K+
Genres: Romance
Pairing: Mori/Takashi M.
Chapters: 1, Words: 615, Reviews: 2 Published: 3-1-08
Status: Complete

Oneshot. Mori makes a girl's dreams come true...Featuring Mori in a toga. Nummy. Gift for Kandai!

Fertilizer

2008-02-27T09:33:52-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Horror
Pairing: Zetsu & Sai
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,094, Reviews: 23 Published: 2-27-08
Status: Complete

Oneshot Yaoi Zet/Kimi/Sai and Zet/Sai/Kimi. Kimimaro and Sai are sent to Zetsu to collect his special fertilizer.

Paul Owns Ash

2008-02-26T01:13:04-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Pokemon
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Chapters: 1, Words: 948, Reviews: 20 Published: 2-26-08
Status: Complete

Oneshot Yaoi Paul/Ash. Ash stumbles upon an injured Paul and tries to help him. Featuring CPR, sexy rivalry and a pervy Pikachu.

Never Sacrifice a Whore

2008-02-18T00:11:49-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Adventure
Pairing: Hidan
Chapters: 2, Words: 1,250, Reviews: 30 Updated: 2-18-08 Published: 1-30-08
Status: In-Progress

After a virgin sacrifice gone wrong, Hidan ends up in Mario Land. Will he ever find a way back home?

Interactive Akatsuki Garage Sale!

2008-02-17T19:32:34-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Kakuzu
Chapters: 7, Words: 14,758, Reviews: 131 Updated: 2-17-08 Published: 12-24-07
Status: Complete

Kakuzu is hosting a garage sale, and YOU can buy whatever you want! NO NEW CUSTOMERS, PLEASE! BIDDING IS CLOSED! COMPLETE!

Interactive Akatsuki Valentine

2008-02-14T06:37:24-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/Humor
Pairing: Sasori & Deidara
Chapters: 26, Words: 7,791, Reviews: 77 Updated: 2-14-08 Published: 2-12-08
Status: Complete

No more submissions, please! This story is no longer interactive, so sit back and enjoy!

Ice Cream, I Scream

2008-02-12T04:42:07-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/Humor
Pairing: Deidara & Kakuzu
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,229, Reviews: 22 Published: 2-12-08
Status: Complete

Oneshot Yaoi KakuDei. Everyone is outside cooling off, but Kakuzu is stuck in the house due to a broken leg. Deidara decides to visit. Featuring ice cream, naughty tentacle butt secks and a 69!

Ritual Pornograph

2008-02-08T19:21:31-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/Humor
Pairing: Hidan & Deidara
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,833, Reviews: 45 Published: 2-8-08
Status: Complete

HidanDeidara/ HiDei. Yaoi. Oneshot. Deidara is hogging the bathroom, and Hidan decides to punish him for his insolence. Rated for graphic sex, blood, violence, and well, general Hidan-ness.

Binge Pledging

2008-02-08T00:52:01-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Horror
Pairing: Sasori & Deidara
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,064, Reviews: 21 Published: 2-8-08
Status: Complete

AU. Salesman/ Sasori. Naruto X Zelda Crossover. Akatsuki Crack. Sasori OD’s on Pledge, and ends up in an alternate world. Rape Humor.

Teh Ice Cube

2008-02-05T17:36:38-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor
Pairing: Kisame H. & Deidara
Chapters: 1, Words: 960, Reviews: 29 Published: 2-5-08
Status: Complete

Akatsuki Crack. Kisame is sick and delusional. Deidara is annoying. Itachi to the rescue. Title spelled that way on PURPOSE.

Light Saver

2008-02-03T19:25:17-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Supernatural
Pairing: Itachi U. & Kakuzu
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,466, Reviews: 53 Published: 2-3-08
Status: Complete

Akatsuki Crack! The power goes out, and the only source of light is Itachi's light saber. He tells a scary story...and amazingly...it's true. Rated for language.

And I Control You

2008-01-31T19:47:50-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Angst/Romance
Pairing: Itachi U. & Sasuke U.
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,487, Reviews: 17 Published: 1-31-08
Status: Complete

Oneshot. Yaoi Ita/Sasu. Uchihacest. Itachi and Sasuke share their bitter lust in the snow by the Nakano river. Warning blood, underage sex, not happy times. Gift for Kikyo Uchiha!

Elevator Music

2008-01-29T19:18:21-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/General
Pairing: Neji H. & Sasori
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,654, Reviews: 18 Published: 1-29-08
Status: Complete

AU. Graphic Lemon/ Yaoi Saso/Neji. Neji is going for a job interview, but he ends up getting stuck in an elevator…fortunately, he’s stuck in an elevator with his potential boss. To pass the time, they make ‘elevator music.’ XP

Path to Freedom

2008-01-27T18:25:27-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Tragedy/Humor
Pairing: Tenten & Neji H.
Chapters: 1, Words: 863, Reviews: 15 Published: 1-27-08
Status: Complete

Neji/Tenten. Tenten wakes up after a foreboding dream to find Neji standing at the edge of a cliff. "There's only one path to freedom, Tenten. Only one." WARNING bring some Kleenex! Birthday present for Purplewolfstar35!

Beat It Upright

2008-01-17T15:49:41-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/Adventure
Pairing: Sasori & Deidara
Chapters: 1, Words: 3,099, Reviews: 44 Published: 1-17-08
Status: Complete

ONESHOT. Yaoi Saso/Dei. BDSM. Deidara blows up Hiruko, and Sasori decides to punish him for it. Featuring whips, shackles, a blunt kunai and a LOT of drooling.

Life Alert

2008-01-05T17:58:35-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Kakuzu & Hidan
Chapters: 1, Words: 703, Reviews: 26 Published: 1-5-08
Status: Complete

ONESHOT. Akatsuki Crack! Kakuzu and Hidan share a food fight and later, Kakuzu has a heart attack. Renamed, now just a oneshot.

Sweat, Blood and Tears

2008-01-05T15:37:52-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/General
Pairing: Hidan & Kakuzu
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,159, Reviews: 18 Published: 1-5-08
Status: Complete

Oneshot. Yaoi. KakuHidan. Rated for graphic sex, swearing, violence and blood. Every time he's with Kakuzu, Hidan cries. “I want you so bad…oh, Jashin…I want you all the time…and that’s why it’s wrong…can’t you understand that?”

You're Worthless

2008-01-04T08:42:59-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Hurt/Comfort/General
Pairing: Sasori & Deidara
Chapters: 1, Words: 523, Reviews: 13 Published: 1-4-08
Status: Complete

SasoDei. Sasori gets frustrated with Deidara and strikes him, but he makes it all better. No Yaoi,just Fluff.

I'll Cry For You

2008-01-04T08:40:45-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: K+
Genres: Hurt/Comfort/General
Pairing: Sasori & Deidara
Chapters: 1, Words: 342, Reviews: 11 Published: 1-4-08
Status: Complete

SasoDei Fluff. Sasori can't cry. But Deidara can cry for him...

Orochimaru's World Famous New Year's Eve Party

2008-01-01T22:07:08-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Chapters: 10, Words: 30,253, Reviews: 76 Updated: 1-1-08 Published: 12-18-07
Status: Complete

Sequel to “The Ten Days of Akatsuki Christmas.” Featuring unauthorized Furby breeding, the purpose of Kimimaro’s zig zag hair parting, drunken sex, pimping puppets, Hot Cheatos, revealing New Year’s resolutions and more!

Cotton Candy

2008-01-01T11:15:34-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Tobi & Zetsu
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,287, Reviews: 24 Published: 1-1-08
Status: Complete

Oneshot YAOI Zetsu/Tobi. Tobi loves cotton candy. But he loves his Zu Zu more.

It's For You, Dumb Ass

2007-12-31T00:02:33-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/Humor
Pairing: Kakuzu & Hidan
Chapters: 1, Words: 268, Reviews: 18 Published: 12-31-07
Status: Complete

Shonenai. KakuHidan. Kakuzu makes Hidan a quilt. Short and sweet. Rated for cursing and suggestive material.

Kakuzu's Birthday Ramblings

2007-12-30T23:16:08-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Angst/General
Pairing: Kakuzu & Hidan
Chapters: 1, Words: 739, Reviews: 11 Published: 12-30-07
Status: Complete

Angst Rambling. Slight KakuHidan. It's the old man's birthday...and he reflects on his life.

Dude, Where's My Ring?

2007-12-28T00:19:55-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Sasori & Deidara
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,472, Reviews: 24 Published: 12-28-07
Status: Complete

Oneshot. YAOI. SasoDei. Sasori can’t find his ring. After tearing apart the whole house, Deidara helps him out.

The Ten Days Of Akatsuki Christmas

2007-12-16T23:04:54-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Adventure
Pairing: Hidan & Deidara
Chapters: 12, Words: 29,678, Reviews: 129 Updated: 12-16-07 Published: 12-5-07
Status: Complete

Featuring all of our favorite Akatsuki, even Orochimaru makes an appearance! Epileptic Hidan, scary Zetsu, reindeer massacres, tainted fruit cake, Candy Cane Crack and more!

Lost Lemons of the Ten Days of Akatsuki Christmas

2007-12-16T21:47:20-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Chapters: 3, Words: 4,597, Reviews: 23 Updated: 12-16-07 Published: 12-13-07
Status: Complete

These are the lost lemons of the Christmas special. Yaoi SasoDei, KakuHidan, KisaIta. Christmas and booze fuse and become one great big lemon slice.

The Little Big List of Rules

2007-12-11T13:20:49-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor
Chapters: 1, Words: 750, Reviews: 26 Published: 12-11-07
Status: Complete

This is the list of rules posted in the kitchen of the Akatsuki house in my Crack Fic universe, anyway. Whether anyone in Akatsuki actually READS it is questionable. But you should read it. Because the evil Gumby mailbox posted at the curb said so.

Breakfast is a Bang the Sequel!

2007-12-05T00:22:42-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor
Pairing: Kakuzu & Hidan
Chapters: 6, Words: 10,350, Reviews: 30 Updated: 12-5-07 Published: 11-22-07
Status: Complete

And Kakuzu thought that exploding cereal was the worst of his problems!

Clay is a Poor Substitute for Earplugs

2007-12-02T22:47:21-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor
Pairing: Deidara & Itachi U.
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,458, Reviews: 27 Published: 12-2-07
Status: Complete

Pein and Konan decide to get down and dirty...and didn't have the common courtesy to supply Deidara and Itachi with earplugs.

Death Toll

2007-12-01T23:40:47-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor
Pairing: Kakuzu
Chapters: 2, Words: 3,322, Reviews: 21 Updated: 12-1-07 Published: 11-22-07
Status: Complete

What happened to Kakuzu's previous partners?

Reading Material

2007-11-20T21:59:46-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor
Pairing: Hidan & Kakuzu
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,195, Reviews: 11 Published: 11-20-07
Status: Complete

Hidan leaves his Bible in the open, and a certain missing Falls nin picks it up on his way to the john...

Breakfast is a Bang!

2007-11-20T21:40:34-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor
Pairing: Deidara & Kakuzu
Chapters: 1, Words: 786, Reviews: 16 Published: 11-20-07
Status: Complete

Deidara. Kakuzu. Exploding Cereal. Nuff said.

Thanksgiving at the Akatsuki Lair

2007-11-20T21:29:38-08:00

Author: dead drifter
Category: Naruto
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,850, Reviews: 15 Published: 11-20-07
Status: Complete

Turkey massacres, exploding pumpkins and Amaterasu in the kitchen. What more could you want for Thanksgiving?