FanFiction.Net - Tampon Masturbation's fanfiction

Common Good

2009-11-24T11:23:52-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Drama/Friendship
Pairing: Squidward & Squilliam
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,767, Reviews: 4 Published: 11-24-09
Status: In-Progress

Everything in life is a maintenance of illusions. Illusions to build up, illusions to break down. Sons can be daughters in the right lighting, fathers can be murderers. And six year olds can be scapegoats with the right dose of panic. AU.

Nearly One Hundred Percent

2009-10-29T14:38:04-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Squidward & Squilliam
Chapters: 1, Words: 6,972, Reviews: 4 Published: 10-29-09
Status: Complete

Who would have thought Squilliam would grow up to be a lawyer? Who would have thought Squidward would be engaged to a lawyer? Who would have thought courtrooms could be so intimate? Squid/Squill, AU, smut.

Codependency

2009-10-28T07:20:57-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Drama/Romance
Pairing: Squilliam & SpongeBob
Chapters: 17, Words: 43,553, Reviews: 60 Updated: 10-28-09 Published: 7-6-09
Status: In-Progress

Why bother with introversion when your entire universe is caving in? Squill/Sponge, Squid/Pat, slash

Beholder

2009-10-27T06:41:08-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Tragedy/Angst
Pairing: Squidward & Squilliam
Chapters: 3, Words: 3,313, Reviews: 10 Updated: 10-27-09 Published: 10-16-09
Status: In-Progress

It's funny the things you begin to cherish when everything else has long since proven its futility. But sometimes having each other still isn't enough. Slash.

Victorian Crisis OR Cranking the Love Shaft

2009-10-25T07:22:21-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Squidward & Squilliam
Chapters: 3, Words: 6,516, Reviews: 10 Updated: 10-25-09 Published: 9-17-09
Status: In-Progress

Another one of those typical vore meets rescue meets one night stand meets life of bondage and prostitution simply to try to redeem a soul which wasn't damned in the first place. Well, I guess that is a little atypical now that I think about it.

Fall In Love Like A Porn Star

2009-10-19T12:24:30-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Squidward & Squilliam
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,382, Reviews: 4 Published: 10-19-09
Status: In-Progress

Squidward had known all along that Squilliam was capable of making money even without his family's prestige. He just hadn't expected his eventual career path to be so...visceral. Slash, lemon, tentacle rape. Well, not so much the last one.

Be My Guest

2009-10-10T00:58:14-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Drama/General
Pairing: Squilliam & Squidward
Chapters: 1, Words: 5,099, Reviews: 3 Published: 10-10-09
Status: Complete

When Squilliam had referred to the initiation process as "phallic", he'd meant symbolically. How was he supposed to know Roger would take it literally?

One of Those Rich Boy Kinks

2009-09-30T23:38:28-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Hurt/Comfort/Humor
Pairing: Squilliam & Squidward
Chapters: 1, Words: 6,122, Reviews: 3 Published: 9-30-09
Status: Complete

After his father is murdered, Squilliam needs someone to comfort him. Squidward's as good a guy as any to fulfill that role. Not gonna lie, though, the girl scout uniform thing IS kinda odd, even for Squilliam. For Band8PGeek. Somewhat implied slash.

And a Smile

2009-09-28T22:34:36-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Romance/General
Pairing: Squidward & Squilliam
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,751, Reviews: 2 Published: 9-28-09
Status: Complete

And you smile at me and shrug and let the tears roll unbidden. “Nothing’s forever, Squiddy.”

Poking Leads to Pregnancy

2009-08-17T15:33:53-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 10, Words: 20,085, Reviews: 64 Updated: 8-17-09 Published: 5-22-08
Status: In-Progress

After a crazed attempt to impress his parents, SpongeBob has to deal with nine months of hard labor. Rated for hot steamy sex, expletives, male pregnancy, interspecies relationships, and lots of gayness.

Rubber Rainbow

2009-08-02T23:44:30-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 5, Words: 7,904, Reviews: 14 Updated: 8-2-09 Published: 12-8-08
Status: In-Progress

After his parents catch him in a compromising position with his best friend, fourteen year old SpongeBob is sent away to homosexuality aversion camp. Rated for slash and sexual content.

The Grooming of Squilliam Fancyson

2009-07-28T10:58:47-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Drama/Angst
Pairing: Squilliam
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,006, Reviews: 6 Published: 7-28-09
Status: In-Progress

There are certain privileges reserved for the wealthy. Privileges one can only earn with the right amount of training. Incest, pedophilia, non-con, child abuse.

It's More Likely Than You Think

2009-06-25T11:42:48-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Crossover: SpongeBob SquarePants and Homestar Runner
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Squilliam
Chapters: 1, Words: 8,323, Reviews: 5 Published: 6-25-09
Status: Complete

Squilliam was absolutely crazy about his completely adorable boyfriend. Although he had to admit, his ex still worked those tight pants nicely. But who invited his drunken rival again? Foursome, slash, crack, PWP.

Frailty

2009-06-24T11:23:48-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Horror/Humor
Pairing: Squidward & Squilliam
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,836, Reviews: 14 Published: 6-24-09
Status: Complete

“Go ahead and cry, Squilliam. You look absolutely gorgeous when your heart is breaking." Slash

Let Them Eat Sponge Cake

2009-05-21T22:05:34-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Parody/Humor
Pairing: Squilliam & SpongeBob
Chapters: 9, Words: 27,358, Reviews: 28 Updated: 5-21-09 Published: 5-13-09
Status: Complete

After his boyfriend's kidnapped, Squilliam goes on a quest to rescue him-with the aide of his boyfriend's best friend, of course. Slash: Squill/Sponge, one-sided Pat/Sponge, a touch of Squid/Squill, a dash of Squid/Sponge, etc.

Truly a Fancy Man

2009-05-12T09:11:27-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Squilliam
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,514, Reviews: 3 Published: 5-12-09
Status: Complete

Squilliam was willing to do anything to get on that show. Prequel to House Fancy. Rated for language and slashiness. Probably could be T, but . . . eh, I'll let you decide.

You Forgot the Pickles

2009-04-27T10:29:54-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,706, Reviews: 9 Published: 4-27-09
Status: Complete

Bubble Bass buys SpongeBob from Mr. Krabs. Hilarity ensues. And by hilarity, I mean rape. Bubble Bass/SpongeBob rape, a bit of PatBob fluff, language, etc.

Royally Screwed

2009-04-27T10:11:52-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Friendship
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,656, Reviews: 2 Published: 4-27-09
Status: Complete

Because what's a king without a queen by his side? AU version of Rule of Dumb. Slash, language, rape, etc.

Fool in SpongeBob

2009-04-06T10:55:08-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 704, Reviews: 3 Published: 4-6-09
Status: Complete

It's April first once again, and Patrick has a prank up his sleeve. Idiotic Pat/Sponge one-shot.

One Night Only

2009-03-25T08:29:28-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: K+
Genres: Romance/Humor
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 810, Reviews: 11 Published: 3-25-09
Status: Complete

When I told you I loved you, I thought you understood that I just meant for one night.” Squid/Sponge

Don't Be Stupid

2009-03-23T08:53:22-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Friendship
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,681, Reviews: 11 Published: 3-23-09
Status: Complete

Even someone as dense as Patrick knows the difference between making love and rape, right? Squid/Sponge/Pat lemon for Ms. Ginny Snape.

Fangirls are Easy

2009-03-19T22:59:03-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: Beavis and Butt-Head
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,209, Reviews: 6 Published: 3-19-09
Status: Complete

It turns out if you’re two dudes hanging outside the front doors of Yaoi-Con, you might risk looking a little gay or something. Slash.

E is for Embarrassingly Erotic Endorphins

2009-02-28T16:26:37-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Squilliam & Squidward
Chapters: 1, Words: 5,662, Reviews: 7 Published: 2-28-09
Status: Complete

“What do you say, Squiddy? Wild sex orgy with frenemies?” Well, a nice sentiment to live by, Squilliam, but I don't think a group of four counts as an orgy. Lime, slash, etc. Birthday fic for Band8PGeek. May she have mercy on my soul.

It's Raining Gay

2009-02-13T07:55:30-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Mr. Krabs
Chapters: 1, Words: 491, Reviews: 12 Published: 2-13-09
Status: Complete

Mr. Krabs has very flamboyant taste in music. And this sentence structure is completely and totally awkward.

Patrick Pornstar

2009-02-04T07:57:41-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 537, Reviews: 5 Published: 2-4-09
Status: Complete

Some things are best left unspoken.

Sing a Song of PatBob

2009-02-02T08:47:28-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 827, Reviews: 8 Published: 2-2-09
Status: Complete

Cliches abound when you take lines from several songs and inject them into a Pat/Sponge fic.

Lemonade

2009-02-02T07:06:13-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/Humor
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 5, Words: 3,811, Reviews: 11 Updated: 2-2-09 Published: 1-27-09
Status: In-Progress

Thirty Pat/Sponge lemons in thirty days. How hard can it be? M for the OBVIOUS reasons, people.

Yukari Tanizaki: Sexual Harasser

2009-02-02T06:10:21-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: Azumanga Daioh
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Kaorin & Yukari T.
Chapters: 1, Words: 994, Reviews: 10 Published: 2-2-09
Status: Complete

Kaorin just wanted a little advice about her beloved Sakaki. Implied shoujo ai.

In the Name of Science

2009-01-21T18:41:27-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Sandy & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,180, Reviews: 22 Published: 1-21-09
Status: Complete

Sandy needed a test subject. SpongeBob was available. It was just for science . . . or at least that's what they kept telling themselves. My very first Spandy fic, y'all! Rated for . . . uh . . .you-know-what.

Naughty Schoolgirl

2009-01-12T22:02:10-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,893, Reviews: 10 Published: 1-12-09
Status: In-Progress

Do you love me now, Squidward?" Squid/Sponge slash

The Duel

2009-01-10T22:40:34-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,835, Reviews: 6 Published: 1-10-09
Status: Complete

Unexplained changes in species almost ALWAYS result in a body-part comparison. Show me yours, I'll let you touch mine . . . or however it is the expression goes. Plotless Sponge/Pat, in human form just to make sure I covered every cliche.

Say My Name, Baby

2009-01-08T21:16:31-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: Pokemon
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor
Pairing: James/Kojirō & Butch/Kosaburō
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,318, Reviews: 4 Published: 1-8-09
Status: Complete

Butch demanded a little respect! He WOULD get James to say his name. Kokoshipping . . . as in Butch/James. As in yaoi.

Trippy

2009-01-08T10:19:41-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,710, Reviews: 4 Published: 1-8-09
Status: Complete

Patrick hadn't expected SpongeBob to trip and fall on his "snake". So did it make it that wrong that he took advantage of it?

Lying on the Job

2009-01-06T23:55:54-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: K+
Genres: Humor/Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: SpongeBob & Squidward
Chapters: 1, Words: 832, Reviews: 4 Published: 1-6-09
Status: Complete

SpongeBob embraces his inability to be loved. Crappy sequel to Honest Loss. Please kill me now .

Scratch and Cream

2009-01-04T23:30:44-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Friendship
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 3,130, Reviews: 4 Published: 1-4-09
Status: Complete

Patrick takes advantage of SpongeBob's . . . um . . . special time of the month. Slash.

Fluffy

2008-12-27T23:59:02-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,589, Reviews: 4 Published: 12-27-08
Status: Complete

Hmm . . . dunno what to put here. Mindless Pat/Sponge sex comedy? Sure, that's as good a summary as any. Very mild M.

Cherry Pie

2008-12-24T22:46:29-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Squidward & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 7,321, Reviews: 5 Published: 12-24-08
Status: Complete

Christmas gets especially hot this year at the SquarePants' residence. Squid/Sponge/Pat lemon for Poisonetta. Fully equipped for flamage.

Knowingly

2008-12-23T23:41:05-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: K
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 340, Reviews: 6 Published: 12-23-08
Status: Complete

100 word Sponge/Squid drabble. How much more boring . . . er, I mean fun . . .can you get? Eh, at least it's short.

Apology Accepted

2008-12-21T15:10:20-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Adventure/Friendship
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,136, Reviews: 4 Published: 12-21-08
Status: Complete

Breaking and entering-one way of getting Patrick to fully appreciate SpongeBob.

1000 Jesus Gorillas

2008-12-15T00:46:37-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 722, Reviews: 3 Published: 12-15-08
Status: Complete

Patrick just wanted to have some fun in an unusual location. Too bad things always seemed to go wrong when it came to the two of them. Nonsense Sponge/Pat smut, with a completely nonsense title . . . seriously, the title has nothing to do with the fic.

Dressing Down

2008-12-11T18:28:52-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Squilliam & Squidward
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,965, Reviews: 3 Published: 12-11-08
Status: Complete

Squidward finally finds some use for that maid's outfit he had lying around. Squilliam/Squidward.

My Biggest Fan

2008-12-09T17:41:55-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: SpongeBob
Chapters: 5, Words: 6,266, Reviews: 16 Updated: 12-9-08 Published: 2-16-08
Status: In-Progress

My Biggest Fanatic spoilers. Kevin has been unable to concentrate on his life since a certain encounter with a yellow poriferin. SLASH.

Ivory Smile

2008-12-08T21:56:21-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 614, Reviews: 3 Published: 12-8-08
Status: Complete

You won’t ever be more to him than quickie behind the garbage. Trash behind the trash. Pat/Sponge

Holier Than Thou

2008-12-07T20:45:40-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Mr. Krabs & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,514, Reviews: 9 Published: 12-7-08
Status: Complete

The biggest debate in the history of the Krusty Krab-and it had nothing to do with the secret formula! Although technically it DID have to do with meat, of sorts. Rated for language and sexual content.

Chicka Cherry Cola

2008-12-05T18:58:39-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,161, Reviews: 4 Published: 12-5-08
Status: Complete

All great couples are supposed to have a love song. Guess that just meant they weren't meant to be. Pat/Sponge fluff. Title has nothing to do with fic; I just like that song.

Shrinky Dinks

2008-12-01T14:16:05-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Plankton & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,014, Reviews: 9 Published: 12-1-08
Status: Complete

It wasn't cheating. It was just business. Sponge/Plankton slash.

Closer

2008-11-28T20:51:52-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Friendship/Humor
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 522, Reviews: 2 Published: 11-28-08
Status: Complete

The fine line between love and regret, fried in a crunchy sorta-Pat/Sponge coating. Rated for stuff involving things and other odd happenings.

ShotaBob UkePants

2008-11-27T22:56:27-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Parody
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,538, Reviews: 10 Published: 11-27-08
Status: Complete

The results of watching way too much hentai. Indeed, tis slash.

Seme Nonsense

2008-11-19T19:45:26-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,693, Reviews: 5 Published: 11-19-08
Status: Complete

SpongeBob decides to give it like a real man. Patrick takes it like a disgruntled woman. Everyone is miserable. Rated for slash and not-quite-lemon.

An Evil as Old as the Galaxy

2008-11-17T12:12:18-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: Pokemon
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: James/Kojirō & Jessie/Musashi
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,374, Reviews: 14 Published: 11-17-08
Status: Complete

Jessie is out to prove her partner's sexual orientation, lest her little heart burst with the hatred of the ultimate cliche. Rocketshipping nonsense and/or smut.

SpongeBoy, Me Bob!

2008-11-16T19:14:12-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Angst
Pairing: Mr. Krabs & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,108, Reviews: 12 Published: 11-16-08
Status: Complete

Discussing company policy usually didn't get so . . . forceful. One-sided, forced Krabs/Sponge.

Greatest Typographical Error EVER

2008-11-12T12:45:14-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,667, Reviews: 7 Published: 11-12-08
Status: Complete

Everything SpongeBob had ever known about himself was a lie. But Patrick didn't seem to mind so much. Slash and lime mild lime-barely a lime at all .

Over and Over and Over Again

2008-11-12T00:06:19-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Friendship/Romance
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,114, Reviews: 4 Published: 11-12-08
Status: Complete

Things get REAL crazy after 8:30. Horribly written Sponge/Pat lemon. Add in the fluff and this just might be the single most OOC thing you'll read all week. Curious yet?

Flipping Out

2008-11-10T17:29:58-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,657, Reviews: 3 Published: 11-10-08
Status: Complete

SpongeBob was willing to do anything to keep from being lonely. Even some unorthodox "grilling". Rated for the second half of my penname.

The Token Tentacle Hentai Fic

2008-11-09T20:26:07-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,515, Reviews: 8 Published: 11-9-08
Status: Complete

The bitter taste of betraying the one you love, mixed with calamari. Slash.

How to Write Slash: A Retrospect

2008-11-09T00:22:19-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Parody
Pairing: SpongeBob & Squidward
Chapters: 1, Words: 681, Reviews: 12 Published: 11-9-08
Status: Complete

An author's guide to her delusions regarding SpongeBob's sexual orientation. Yup, I'm bashing slash. Wait, what? I'm BASHING SLASH?

Like, Totally Love, Duh!

2008-11-07T22:44:14-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: K+
Genres: Parody/Humor
Pairing: Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 589, Reviews: 18 Published: 11-7-08
Status: Complete

Patrick and Mindy are, like, totally in love for, like, ever! OMG! You gotta read this cuz it, like, rocks!

In a Bind

2008-11-05T23:13:47-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Angst/Humor
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,796, Reviews: 7 Published: 11-5-08
Status: Complete

For Poisonetta. Squidward gets back at SpongeBob after years of annoyance. Slash and rape, baby.

Lolli Lolli Lolli

2008-11-05T20:19:48-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Friendship
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,027, Reviews: 3 Published: 11-5-08
Status: Complete

Friends don't let friends suck off Popsicles. At least not without a little help. Um, rated for . . . innuendo.

Idiot Boy

2008-11-05T12:58:12-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Drama/Humor
Pairing: SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,430, Reviews: 3 Published: 11-5-08
Status: Complete

Alternative ending to WhoBob WhatPants. Cold, alone, and no identity, he has to make a living somehow. Rated for . . .prostitution?

Set You Free

2008-11-05T08:50:21-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Friendship
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,307, Reviews: 4 Published: 11-5-08
Status: Complete

It was the greatest night of SpongeBob's life. It was also the last night of SpongeBob's life. Go figure.

Fifty Levels of Hot, Dirty Lovin'

2008-11-04T23:51:50-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,637, Reviews: 3 Published: 11-4-08
Status: Complete

Yeah, I basically ripped the idea off a much more capable writer. Oh well. Stupid drabble Sponge/Pat fic. I got nothing to help summarize this. You'll just have to check it out yourself.

Come At Work

2008-11-03T12:46:36-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,075, Reviews: 9 Published: 11-3-08
Status: Complete

Fun times in a freezer with SpongeBob and Squidward. What could possibly go wrong? Rated for sexuality and yes, tis slash .

Bath Beads as a Front

2008-10-26T23:22:50-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,443, Reviews: 4 Published: 10-26-08
Status: Complete

The joys of voyeurism, as discovered by Patrick Star. Rated for slash. Challenge inside.

Crazy 'Bout You

2008-10-24T20:48:40-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Drama
Pairing: SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 459, Reviews: 6 Published: 10-24-08
Status: Complete

One sponge. About a million mental quirks. How many pills to fill in the gaps? Rated for crazy, OOC madness. Literally, I do mean madness. That pun was completely intended. Not an ACTUAL guide to bipolar disorder or OCD. Don't take this crap literally.

Why in the Heck?

2008-10-22T23:09:42-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: Azumanga Daioh
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Tomo T. & Ayumu K./Osaka
Chapters: 1, Words: 812, Reviews: 12 Published: 10-22-08
Status: Complete

Tomo just needed a warm up for the sports festival. Osaka was just as good of an exercise as any. Tomo/Osaka yuri. Rated for sexuality, perversion, and utter lack of tact pretty mild for M, though, all things considered .

Basic Math for the Sexually Confused

2008-10-17T21:20:29-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Sandy & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,225, Reviews: 8 Published: 10-17-08
Status: Complete

Just how did being in love with SpongeBob make Sandy a lesbian? And what is docking, anyway? And why am I craving Pop Tarts? These questions may or may not be answered. Rated for slash, language, etc. My usual MO.

Falling For You

2008-10-07T11:59:46-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Tragedy/Humor
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 914, Reviews: 8 Published: 10-7-08
Status: Complete

How far do you go when you love someone? Do you give them your heart? Your body? Your soul? And when you lose them, how much of your own self is lost as well? Rated for slash.

Honest Loss

2008-10-02T12:13:01-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: K+
Genres: Angst/Humor
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 849, Reviews: 7 Published: 10-2-08
Status: Complete

Friendship meant telling the truth no matter what. But he hadn't expected to truth to be quite so real.

Option Three

2008-10-01T13:27:48-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Friendship
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,801, Reviews: 10 Published: 10-1-08
Status: Complete

SpongeBob's body is betraying him. Luckily, Patrick knows just how to fix him. Rated for, uh, big shocker here, SLASH, SEXUAL CONTENT, SLASH, and SLASH! Have I made that clear enough yet?

Seventh Tentacle

2008-09-26T09:33:03-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 818, Reviews: 9 Published: 9-26-08
Status: Complete

Just who did SpongeBob think he was, laughing all the time? Squid/Sponge of a most inappropriate nature.

Invisible Spray and the Perks that Follow

2008-09-23T23:57:45-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Angst
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 924, Reviews: 7 Published: 9-23-08
Status: Complete

What other mayhem did SpongeBob and Patrick get into whilest trampsing about invisible and in the buff? All dialogue, slashy smut.

Escape from FangirlCrackLand

2008-09-19T22:42:07-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Fantasy
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 5,234, Reviews: 7 Published: 9-19-08
Status: Complete

After being kidnapped by a deranged authoress, can SpongeBob and Patrick fight the evil fabulousness of an "alternative lifestyle"? Or maybe that's all they've been longing for all along. And who the heck put Rocky Horror Picture Show in Bikini Bottom?

Botched Abortions and a Second Thing

2008-09-04T21:07:43-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: SpongeBob & Patrick
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,655, Reviews: 5 Published: 9-4-08
Status: Complete

What in the world would drive someone to anger the one person they love? Patrick/SpongeBob slash. Rated for bold faced perversion.

I L My BF SB, Even if He Had S with his BFF

2008-07-13T02:49:45-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Suspense
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,685, Reviews: 8 Published: 7-13-08
Status: Complete

Squidward thought SpongeBob was pure. But could a secret from his middle school days involving a certain starfish change everything?

Blanket

2008-07-12T14:21:23-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: K+
Genres: Drama/Romance
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 324, Reviews: 6 Published: 7-12-08
Status: Complete

My first and probably last attempt at fluff. Squidward needs to get SpongeBob out of his bed. Yes, there be slash. Pretty mild, though.

The Ultimate Question

2008-07-09T00:36:36-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Spiritual
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 806, Reviews: 7 Published: 7-9-08
Status: Complete

SpongeBob has questions. Squidward is in denial. And Patrick can't wait to play along. Absolutely no straightness present.

Cavity Search

2008-06-07T12:47:06-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Drama
Pairing: SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 533, Reviews: 4 Published: 6-7-08
Status: Complete

What happens in jail stays in jail.

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III some

2008-05-22T10:29:51-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,867, Reviews: 7 Published: 5-22-08
Status: Complete

Written solely to disgust. Plotless pornographic gang banging involving Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and our favorite naive bundle of joy, SpongeBob.

Queer Infatuations

2008-05-10T15:17:03-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Sandy & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,013, Reviews: 8 Published: 5-10-08
Status: Complete

Sandy and SpongeBob are completely in love . . . sort of.

An Excellent Choice My Darling

2008-05-10T15:15:52-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Horror
Pairing: SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,263, Reviews: 13 Published: 5-10-08
Status: Complete

The health inspector from Nasty Patty gets his revenge the only way he knows how. And SpongeBob makes such a lovely pet. Rated for sexual content, violence, and necrophilia. Please flame.

Look, Don't Touch

2008-05-10T15:12:52-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 762, Reviews: 16 Published: 5-10-08
Status: Complete

All he wanted was to see Squidward's "thing".

I May Have Been Stoned When I Wrote This

2008-05-10T15:11:31-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Squidward
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,865, Reviews: 5 Published: 5-10-08
Status: Complete

Sequel to "I Was Not Stoned etc. etc. . Squidward has some intimate questions he needs answered. And who better to accompany him than Marilyn Manson and Jesus Christ?

I Was Not Stoned When I Wrote This

2008-04-19T18:02:28-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Parody
Pairing: SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 3,715, Reviews: 9 Published: 4-19-08
Status: Complete

When three of the greatest celebrities of all time: Dakoda Fanning, Michael Moore, and SpongeBob SquarePants, go on a journey to consult the oracle of Apollo, only chaos can ensue. Randomly terrible assignment written for Mythology.

Hypothetically

2008-03-01T20:34:30-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Squidward & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 951, Reviews: 17 Published: 3-1-08
Status: Complete

Squidward/SpongeBob monologue. Squidward poses an intiguing theory to SpongeBob. Slash.

Driver's Ed

2008-03-01T20:23:23-08:00

Author: Tampon Masturbation
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Patrick & SpongeBob
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,237, Reviews: 6 Published: 3-1-08
Status: Complete

The key to SpongeBob getting his license is merely relaxation. And Patrick may be just the guy to make him . . . well, loosen up. Slash, sexual content, all around nastiness.