FanFiction.Net - H.J. Bender's fanfiction

The Warlords Next Door

2009-10-22T22:59:16-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ronin Warriors
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Drama
Pairing: Sage D. & Cale
Chapters: 4, Words: 10,222, Reviews: 36 Updated: 10-22-09 Published: 10-11-07
Status: In-Progress

Chapter 4! Cale finds a magic box and Rowen helps him set it up. Pizza party at the Warlords' place! Dais in a suit. Another round of Sage vs Cale. Sekhmet drinking to cope with life as a postal worker. More absurdity within the bowels of this chapter.

So Far Away From Me

2009-10-08T17:07:25-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: X-Men: Evolution
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Family/Drama
Pairing: Cyclops & Havok
Chapters: 6, Words: 10,294, Reviews: 10 Updated: 10-8-09 Published: 8-27-09
Status: In-Progress

Scott and Alex Summers, brothers separated by childhood tragedy, finally reunite when Alex comes to stay at the X-Mansion. How can they begin to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives?

Soul Shadow

2009-08-30T13:49:10-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Legend of Zelda
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Adventure/Romance
Pairing: Link & Dark Link
Chapters: 22, Words: 96,321, Reviews: 165 Updated: 8-30-09 Published: 10-10-04
Status: In-Progress

Link returns to his childhood and grows up peacefully in Kokiri. But as time catches up to him, it is soon made clear that not all is well. Something is out there, a shadow and a whisper of a vague and distant memory...

All Roads Lead

2009-08-27T14:24:49-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ghost Rider
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Western/Supernatural
Chapters: 5, Words: 8,368, Reviews: 15 Updated: 8-27-09 Published: 6-9-09
Status: In-Progress

The Prince of Hell is left for dead on a desolate desert highway. Johnny Blaze is the man who finds him, and takes it upon himself to cure his evil ways. Can it be done, or is the Devil's son beyond all redemption?

Wedlocked

2009-05-05T13:26:18-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ghost Rider
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Supernatural
Chapters: 11, Words: 69,112, Reviews: 41 Updated: 5-5-09 Published: 10-18-08
Status: In-Progress

Chapter 11! Long-lost brothers meet at last; Mephisto discovers that his grief-stricken son is missing; the legend of the Ghost Riders is told; Beelzebub and the Hidden finally find Johnny; and the vicious Wolf Brothers are on the hunt for Blackheart!

Hearts of Fire

2009-04-15T21:57:40-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ghost Rider
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Adventure/Supernatural
Chapters: 15, Words: 77,248, Reviews: 71 Updated: 4-15-09 Published: 8-29-08
Status: Complete

Johnny forms an uneasy alliance with the ex-Queen of Hell and her son Blackheart, whom Johnny rescues from the Ninth Circle. Together the three must evade Mephisto's henchmen and prevent him from bringing Armageddon to Earth.

Bad Boys

2009-02-14T20:33:20-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ghost Rider
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Adventure
Chapters: 1, Words: 3,399, Reviews: 8 Published: 2-14-09
Status: Complete

Some things never change ... Roxanne runs off on the day of her own wedding to find Johnny, whom she fears to be in great danger. Cracktastic shenanigans ensue.

Dethlove

2009-02-14T07:44:20-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Metalocalypse
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Drama/Humor
Pairing: Nathan E. & Toki W.
Chapters: 9, Words: 39,426, Reviews: 11 Updated: 2-14-09 Published: 2-11-09
Status: Complete

After Toki suffers a debilitating accident feeding the rats one Saturday, Nathan's life will never be the same again. N/T slash. Originally published Oct 29 2006.

Snow White

2009-02-11T21:29:32-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Metalocalypse
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Horror/Parody
Pairing: Skwisgaar S. & Pickles
Chapters: 4, Words: 19,049, Reviews: 3 Updated: 2-11-09 Published: 1-30-09
Status: Complete

Skwisgaar Skwigelf is the son of the Cocaine Queen of L.A., but when she dies and her jealous boytoy husband, Toki Wartooth, takes over, Skwisgaar has every reason to fear for his life. Slash.

Hallowed Eve

2008-12-26T23:02:26-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ghost Rider
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Drama/Angst
Chapters: 1, Words: 4,212, Reviews: 8 Published: 12-26-08
Status: Complete

Blackheart visits a lonely Johnny Blaze on All Hallow’s Eve. Johnny/Blackheart slash.

Good Omens Drabbles

2008-12-23T11:51:30-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Good Omens
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/General
Chapters: 6, Words: 1,542, Reviews: 5 Updated: 12-23-08 Published: 12-4-08
Status: Complete

A collection of 6 drabbles: "Hell of a Night", "Dirty Desire", "Naughty Knickers", "Snow Play", "Swallowed Wholly" and "Snotsicles". Ratings vary for each, mostly T.

Skwisfrogg

2008-12-03T17:42:36-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Metalocalypse
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Parody
Pairing: Toki W. & Skwisgaar S.
Chapters: 1, Words: 4,864, Reviews: 5 Published: 12-3-08
Status: Complete

Toki Wartooth is a sadistic, selfish, evil little brat. Skwisfrogg is a kindly amphibian who rescues Toki's toy plane from a well. But when the frog comes to live with Toki, things get hilariously violent. T/S SLASH

In Other Words

2008-11-12T19:17:39-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Metalocalypse
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Drama/Angst
Chapters: 1, Words: 4,436, Reviews: 9 Published: 11-12-08
Status: Complete

Credit cards. Teenagers. Mopeds. Mustard. And another word for hate. S/T

Tokirella

2008-11-12T18:59:28-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Metalocalypse
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Parody/Drama
Chapters: 1, Words: 9,013, Reviews: 11 Published: 11-12-08
Status: Complete

This is quite possibly the heaviest, metallest Cinderella story you'll ever read. Magical guitars, guardian god-trolls, and a three-night long headbangers' ball...be there or go die.

In Sickness & in Health

2008-11-12T18:47:39-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Metalocalypse
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Drama
Chapters: 1, Words: 5,807, Reviews: 13 Published: 11-12-08
Status: Complete

A story for anyone who's ever thought that having the flu was as bad as it could get...think AGAIN. Skwisgaar gets sick, and Toki takes it upon himself to “cure” him.

Demon Days

2008-10-10T23:06:37-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ghost Rider
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Supernatural
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,570, Reviews: 11 Published: 10-10-08
Status: Complete

A short, humorous interlude starring everyone's favorite three sidekick demons, who really put the MENTAL in elemental; Gressil, Wallow and Abigor wonder how they're going to manage without Blackheart there to slap them around.

Absence of Grace

2008-05-21T18:00:52-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Lord of the Rings
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Adventure/Drama
Pairing: Legolas & Boromir
Chapters: 9, Words: 37,438, Reviews: 30 Updated: 5-21-08 Published: 3-5-08
Status: In-Progress

Coldness and distrust runs deep between Boromir of Gondor and Legolas of Mirkwood; it isn’t until the Elf saves the man from death that the two discover much deeper feelings are running between them. Tasteful slash.

Father

2006-10-15T00:32:26-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Van Helsing
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Drama/Horror
Chapters: 10, Words: 48,113, Reviews: 46 Updated: 10-15-06 Published: 4-30-06
Status: In-Progress

Dracula visits the Valerious family the night their son Velkan is born, & claims him as his own. Throughout the years the vampire manipulates & torments the gypsy prince, destroying the Valerious family, hoping that one day Velkan will join his side...

♡

2006-10-01T20:34:16-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Van Helsing
Language: English, Rated: K+
Genres: Drama/Humor
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,587, Reviews: 20 Published: 10-1-06
Status: Complete

Van Helsing returns to the Vatican after a long mission to find Carl has made something quite unusual while he was away... Mild slash.

Luna Amour

2006-06-24T12:47:37-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Van Helsing
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Drama/Romance
Chapters: 8, Words: 38,333, Reviews: 46 Updated: 6-24-06 Published: 4-9-06
Status: In-Progress

Upon returning to the Vatican, Van Helsing discovers that he did not leave Romania empty handed; he brought a disease back with him that is endangering the lives of everyone around him, and only Carl can help him find an antidote. Slash.

The Vacation Fic

2006-01-08T22:17:20-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Gundam Wing/AC
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Adventure
Pairing: Duo M.
Chapters: 3, Words: 18,632, Reviews: 20 Updated: 1-8-06 Published: 12-29-05
Status: In-Progress

Trowa wins 5 tickets out of a box of Major Munch to a Caribbean island vacation resort, and everything pretty much goes kaput from there. Crude humor, slapstick, profanity and lowbrow shenanigans galore.

I Forgot to Tell You

2005-12-28T15:12:59-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Gundam Wing/AC
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Drama/Romance
Pairing: Duo M. & Heero Y.
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,496, Reviews: 15 Updated: 12-28-05 Published: 10-21-02
Status: Complete

A short fic that deals with a normal, everyday situation that suddenly goes completely wrong, making Duo wish he would have said something while he still had the chance. Rated for language, shounen ai.

Operation Salvation

2005-12-25T10:08:49-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Good Omens
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Adventure
Chapters: 3, Words: 29,804, Reviews: 28 Updated: 12-25-05 Published: 11-12-05
Status: Complete

Sequel to "Revenge of the Houseplants" and "Return of Hastur". Hastur must befriend Aziraphale in order to convince the angel that Crowley is out to get him.

No Cause for Alarm Clocks

2005-10-21T19:53:05-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Good Omens
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Humor/Romance
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,038, Reviews: 43 Published: 10-21-05
Status: Complete

A short story detailing one of Crowley’s infernal household gadgetries, and why he’ll never have sex in front of it ever again. Slash.

Link and the Vampires' Teabags

2005-09-17T20:01:15-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Legend of Zelda
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Humor
Pairing: Link & Sheik
Chapters: 1, Words: 3,408, Reviews: 85 Published: 9-17-05
Status: Complete

This is a ridiculously absurd story. You might need to see a psychiatrist after reading it. Link has a strange medical problem that only gets worse when he reaches sexual maturity... Rated for pants-wettingly, godawful-funny gayness.

The Return of Hastur

2005-08-13T22:43:04-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Good Omens
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Adventure
Chapters: 1, Words: 10,814, Reviews: 16 Published: 8-13-05
Status: Complete

Sequel to "Revenge of the Housplants". Hastur wants Crowley dead, and the only way it's going to happen is if he kills the serpent himself. Slapstick hilarity ensues.

Feathers

2005-07-29T16:41:47-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Good Omens
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Romance/Humor
Chapters: 1, Words: 5,013, Reviews: 31 Published: 7-29-05
Status: Complete

Crowley has a weakness that Aziraphale ruthlessly exploits all over the wall of his bookshop. A silly, sexy, shameful story.

Secrets and the Serpentine

2005-06-21T14:44:38-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Good Omens
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Drama/Romance
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,996, Reviews: 13 Published: 6-21-05
Status: Complete

Aziraphale has a fear and a secret. It places a distance between himself and the one who knows him best, until he learns that he doesn’t have to face it alone. Slash.

An Amusing Account of Angelic Addiction

2005-05-14T17:16:06-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Good Omens
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Humor
Chapters: 1, Words: 6,401, Reviews: 14 Published: 5-14-05
Status: Complete

In the days when angels walked the earth with clubs and demons dressed as conquistadors comes a tale of overseas adventures, rioting pirates, and the true story behind the history of chocolate. Rated PG13 for slashiness and green teeth.

The Revenge of the Houseplants

2005-04-02T23:22:25-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Good Omens
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Humor
Chapters: 1, Words: 11,486, Reviews: 53 Published: 4-2-05
Status: Complete

FACT: Crowley’s houseplants have been suffering for years at the hands of their merciless master. QUESTION: What happens when Hastur offers them a chance to avenge their misery? ANSWER: read fic.

A Bat Out of Hell

2005-02-28T18:05:29-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Good Omens
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Humor
Chapters: 1, Words: 7,380, Reviews: 25 Published: 2-28-05
Status: Complete

Aziraphale has a serious problem when bats take up residence in the attic of his bookshop. What ensues is utterly ridiculous. Rated for language and some slashy inferences.

Pipesmoke

2005-01-22T17:19:26-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Lord of the Rings
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Romance/Drama
Pairing: Meriadoc B. & Peregrin T.
Chapters: 1, Words: 3,117, Reviews: 24 Published: 1-22-05
Status: Complete

That awkward stage between childhood and adulthood becomes much clearer when your older cousin is allowed to do things which you still cannot. Merry/Pippin slash.

Once Upon a Shire

2004-05-31T19:34:20-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Lord of the Rings
Language: English, Rated: K
Genres: Humor/Drama
Pairing: Meriadoc B. & Peregrin T.
Chapters: 4, Words: 19,064, Reviews: 30 Updated: 5-31-04 Published: 3-21-04
Status: In-Progress

The untold stories of the adventures and misadventures of Merry Brandybuck and Pippin Took, from the very beginning. Discontinued.

As Spoken Through Music

2003-04-25T15:58:26-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Gundam Wing/AC
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Drama/Romance
Pairing: Trowa B./No-Name & Quatre W.
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,449, Reviews: 14 Published: 4-25-03
Status: Complete

Trowa narrates his perspective upon an incident of bonding with Quatre that exists only within the realm of music.

Totality of Defeat

2003-04-21T17:28:38-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ronin Warriors
Language: English, Rated: M
Genres: Drama/Angst
Pairing: Ryo S. & Cye M.
Chapters: 12, Words: 56,150, Reviews: 82 Updated: 4-21-03 Published: 8-8-02
Status: In-Progress

Greece, 1176 BC: Ryo Sanadus is a young Trojan rebel captured by the cruel, merciless Spartan general Cye Morinum. Now Ryo, with help from fellow slave Sage Dathae, must learn to endure or die. Mature readers only.

The Odd Couple

2003-03-02T10:31:30-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ronin Warriors
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/Parody
Pairing: Kento R. & Sage D.
Chapters: 1, Words: 20,836, Reviews: 24 Published: 3-2-03
Status: Complete

Sage is a persnickety neatnik obsessed with interior decoration and health food. Kento keeps beer in the fish tank and his skivvies in the fridge. What happens when fate lands them together in the same apartment?

Bad Day

2002-10-21T11:02:36-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Gundam Wing/AC
Language: English, Rated: K+
Genres: General/Humor
Pairing: Quatre W. & Trowa B./No-Name
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,915, Reviews: 7 Published: 10-21-02
Status: Complete

Try to imagine the worst day you ever had, multiply it times ten, and it equals this fic about poor Quatre's no good, terrible, horrible, awful day. Humor, 3x4.

Orb My God!

2002-07-19T23:29:36-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ronin Warriors
Language: English, Rated: T
Genres: Humor/General
Pairing: Sage D.
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,792, Reviews: 10 Published: 7-19-02
Status: Complete

A silly tale of how Sage swallows something that he should have never put in his mouth...

Brothers in Arms

2002-07-19T22:53:32-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ronin Warriors
Language: English, Rated: K+
Genres: Drama/Angst
Pairing: Ryo S.
Chapters: 1, Words: 4,612, Reviews: 9 Published: 7-19-02
Status: Complete

There will come a time when the Ronin Warriors, missions completed, will part forever. This is the story of that parting. Set to Dire Straits' "Brothers in Arms".

The Lesson Kento Learned

2002-07-19T09:54:01-08:00

Author: H.J. Bender
Category: Ronin Warriors
Language: English, Rated: K
Genres: Humor
Pairing: Kento R.
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,112, Reviews: 9 Published: 7-19-02
Status: Complete

A skunk, a spud cannon, 341 boxes of Cap'n Crunch, and a lesson that won't be soon forgotten.