Beta Bio: general description as a beta reader
WARNING: I curse, so if you're offended by that, that's your perogative. But cursing's mine, so there's your warning, in case you're up-tight or something.
-------------------------
I a, a college student- currently on summer vacation. Because of the fact that I spend most of the year at college, it takes awhile for me to answer, sometimes, when you send me requests or for me to answer you back at times. I apologize beforehand, and I ask for your patience.
With that out of the way, here are my specifications for what it is I am willing to do. I have been known to be very flexible at times when asked to do anything outside of what I list here, but you have to really stick out to me as somebody worth spending that crucial time with to do it.
I don't re-write things for people- but I do mentor and give the good look-over at what you have written, armed with my particular writing program's set of highlighters. And I enjoy doing it. If you need help, a blunt critiquer, or anything else other than someone who can participate in a hand-holding relationship with you, contact me, and I'll see what I can do.
With me, you're going to have to have a mastery over the English language to even be considered- or at least a humble attitude towards it- and you're going to have to check your attitude- and anything less than the English language, in all of its beauty- at the door. If you do anything out of turn (insist overmuch that I break my own standards and hold your hand through a story, P.M me all the time for no reason other than to harass me, bitch and otherwise moan about something or another, or be an ungrateful prick) I hold the right to stop helping immediately, block you, and/or report you if you take it too far. As you can tell, I demand the best of behavior, as I myself practice in my own life. Watch you mouth, and at least attempt to sound older than seven, or it's out the door for you.
Now, for all of the guidelines I insist you will follow with me, what you get in return is the help of a very much committed young author who is more than willing to help with almost anything you can request- within reason. Every fandom I've marked as ones I accept requests in I can assure you that I know well enough to help with with the basics, in the very least. With many of the choices, however, I know the fandom like the back of my hand, so you can rest easy with the knowledge that I can assist you to the best of my ability. I have a love for the original characters, and I hope that it shows. |
My Strengths: beta, writing, or reading strengths
Spotting issues with:
Spelling
Grammar (I don't know the exact terminology for everything, but I know when something sounds godawful or just not right)
Canon.
Assisting With Character Building- whether with a character already from the fandom or O.C.
I'm also a great person to turn to if you don't know where to go next. I can also just always be there for you if you need tips or advice on something dealing with your story. I can be a great P.M buddy.
I am a very accomplished reviewer/critiquer. WARNING: I tell the truth. I do not, usually, honey-coat, but neither do I "flame". If you ask for a review- privately or posted for the world to see- you'll get the same treatment that you would from an English teacher- if an English teacher was bent to curse and to demand "more sex" or "more violence" in certain situations, and was as friendly as I. I AM pretty friendly, actually, and I do try to be funny.
Recently, I have discovered that I make a somewhat unconventional, but also a skilled plot midwife. In simple terms- you have the idea for a new story, and I can be your braintrust. If you're willing to deal with some possibly weird ideas- and don't mind the idea of brainstorming- then this is a great process to go through with someone else. If you don't have anybody else to create with, I'm always here. |
My Weaknesses: beta, writing, or reading weaknesses
I refuse to re-write everything for you, so don't even ask. I point out where serious problems are, I answer questions, and I can create the beginnings/ the ending bits with you. I am a writer's Wikipedia.
I also read- if you want a critiquer's eye on board that is blunt and not afraid to tell you how it is (good OR bad), then I may be the choice for you. I'll try to read as much as you want me to of it, but if I say that it's too godawful for even me to continue reading, then you need another beta. One who's willing to hold your hand. Because I do not lie- I may honey-coat when and IF I feel like it- but I refuse to lie. |
Preferred: types of entries I prefer over others
If you want an idea, just look at what I write myself. Also, I may not look it, but I have a weakness for cartoons (something you probably did not know about me)- I'd love to beta ANYTHING I have in my Turn-Ons on my profile. Pretty simple. My greatest genre strengths are Horror, Comedy, and Romance- but don't worry, I just haven't had much of a chance to exploit my ability on the other genres as much. Anything I have marked I can truthfully say that I am confident to my abilities to handle.
Also, story concepts are fun for me to help in revising, advising, and aiding in creating. Yeah, "fun"... I have a very strange sense of fun, I now suppose.
A few things I should say to anybody reading this- there are a few tricks out there, so you can learn to take care of yourself, and, consequently, your writing, for the long run. Also, so that you don't give your beta a potiental nightmare/headache. And that includes moi.
1. Read your writing out LOUD. Trust me- you can spot things that don't sound right when reading things aloud.
2. In a continuation of number one, record your audio of what you say aloud, if you think it would help you more to hear it like an audio book. If you think you'll look like a loony doing this, find somewhere where you'll get some privacy to recite- then to play back. As long as you are not a stutterer (as I constantly am) then this might be a good idea for you if simple recitation does not spot some of the problems.
3. I canNOT stress this enough, but, for the love of god, (and as a favor to me) if you plan on some revisions (and you SHOULD, even Stephen King has to sit at his desk like he's a kid wearing a Dunce cap and correct EVERY DAMN PAGE of his work), then please, please, please, PLEASE let it sit. Let some dust settle between the time you write the last period, and when you're itching to see what a genius you are. Don't lie, you SO do. I cannot explain the aging process, except to say that revisions done in this fashion will show you how worth it it was to wait as long as you did for revisions. You are detached from the work, and your howling ego is less apparent. Trust me. Even a day. An hour. Please.
4. This may just be because I am an honorary and card-carrying member of the school of minimalism in description, and I am biased naturally to a paragraph-long description of a girl with "flowing blond tresses" and her friend's "sparkling amber eyes", but here are two quotes that encompass what my point is. "Less is more" and, "Kill your darlings".
Both are alot less painful and easier to accomplish when following guideline number three. And both deal with those long blond tresses and those sparkling eyes. "Less is more" because it IS possible to bludgeon a reader with an overpowering amount of description- much like adding too much pepper to a hot dish, it IS possible to send even some of the stronger-stomached dinner guests away from the kitchen table in search of a pitcher of water in a panic. "Kill your darlings"- I am not too certain as to the exact wording of this quote, but what I believe it said is this: "Kill your darlings. Even if it breaks your incessant little scribbler's heart, kill your darlings, kill your darlings."
Confused? Basically, it means that, you know that one piece of description, narration, dialouge, "extra" character, or that epilouge or prolouge that is as useful as a tail on a frog once it is no longer a tadpole that you are holding onto? Clutching close to your heart, willing to bite anybody's head off that would EVER dare to ask you if it's neccesary? Do yourself a favor. Kill it.
Alright, alright, don't glare at me like that. You can save it. Yes, yes you can. To help with letting go, as you can say, I recommend a writer's journal. It is basically a journal with nothing but tidbits that you salvage from the mess in your mind (parts of dialoge that you catch out of nowhere, and MUST SALVAGE, plot ideas, a character you adore, ect.) and NEVER let anybody else see. They'd think you were a loony if they ever got their hands on it. Also, again, guideline three really, really helps.
And last but not least...
5. Know the rules, and,
5.5 Know when to BREAK the rules.
In the order above- Know THEN Break- it is important to learn when to apply one or the other to your writing. I've heard these obnoxious little twits wandering around, mouthing off to critiquers that they can break rules if they want to. These are the words that only a fool would utter (aside from the fact that it's rude). Learn to run before you learn to fly, or you'll look like an ass when you reach the ground and smash your dumb little head all over it. |
Would Rather Not: types of entries I do not want to beta for
I'm not going to lie- and it's obvious, from the way I type in full English and how I insist you do, and to the way I present my attitude, but I do favor other real-life writers, or, at least, people who make the honest effort to become a real-life writer. Sorry- you're allowed to pick your fandoms, I'm allowed to favor other people who write well already.
Why?
Other genuine writers (and my definition of a true author is a person who truely studies it- not for some English class- and who reads for the love and fun of it, as well as practices writing on a near regular basis) for the most part, know more of what they should assume from me and from themselves, and the work I do for others is the type that is meant to aid others grow as artists- give them new ideas with how to write, aid in things they have problems in that doesn't require the damn A-Team to come bursting through the door, and, in the end, perhaps give me new ideas. Do I sound bad because I prefer others more like myself? Maybe. Do I sound like I'd rather help others that I can be used to helping/ them helping me somewhere down the line than helping the fourteen year-old whose dream it is to write a story about the super hawt American girl who becomes Kagome's super duper bestest friend 4- evar? I absolutely should! But if you begrudge me for thinking this, then take your P.M's somewhere else. Please.
Things I usually always refuse to help in creating... rape stories, troll stories (of course), badly-written parodies, incest-fics (if it's NOT canon., in which case, it usually isn't), anything with writing so bad even I don't know where to start on critiquing it. No poetry, I like the stories I write myself to have a plot in it- so nothing you would consider "artistic" but senseless, and, if you want me to read fluff, make it believable.
No pedophilia, no scat/MUCH BDSM (I start to draw the line when the guy is wearing a mask and a collar, and the guy is told to lick the girl's booted feet... eew) /"golden showers", nothing M+ (unless it's located on another site), nothing "goth" or "emo"- none of that hackneyed "Harry's Uncle Vernon beats him twice a day with a belt, then he is molested with a broomstick and a can of lube while at Hogwarts"- just an example, but I do not do well with "poor, pitiful me" type stories. Waah, waah, waaaahh.
No Mary Sues or Gary Stus- if your character EVER says "konnichewa!" and ain't from Japan... if your character has the cliched eyes that sparkle like gems... and if they are ever, ever, EVER likened to some super famous, super "hottie" real life person, only "super hotter"... then go slit your wrists. Please. Just don't come anywhere near me, I'll turn you down. Politely, but I will not be impressed at all.
If you INSIST on song lyrics or otherwise copy-writed material, I will only stand for one or two lines of it, and it must have the credits posted somewhere. Also, on that note, if I think that a fic is in bad taste for any reason whatsoever, I will not just turn you down- I may report you if it breaks site rules. Got it?
And speaking of site rules- anything given to me to look over and it's in bad grammar, or if you yourself just use bad grammar to converse with me, I will most likely ask you to take your business elsewhere. Also- no chatspeak, for the love of god, no fics written in script form (could you at LEAST try?), and if you have a chapter amounting to a brainless author's note, I WILL TURN YOU DOWN. I may be a retired flamer, but I still have the heart of a flamer beating powerfully in me. And the standards tied in with a "true" flamer/critiquer. Don't worry- I haven't the energy or care to ever take up flaming again, so your shit-fic will just be reported for abuse to the admins and nothing further, I should hope. :)
BIGGEST RULE- IF THE STORY MUST TAKE LIBERTIES WITH THE ORIGINAL IN SOME FORM (CONTRADICTIONS WITH THE ORIGINAL IN SOME SHAPE, WAY, OR FORM) THEN YOU MUST MAKE ME BELIEVE THAT YOUR STORY'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME TO ACCEPT IT. If it's not good enough- meaning, VERY good- then don't even bother. I WILL turn you down. |
|
FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination 
mobile edition
