Crack oneshot. Malcolm Baddock fails at office warfare, and Harry teaches his desk to speak.

Building a romance from a fanon cliche turned on its head.

The Dursleys didn't raise Harry Potter to be a very good boy. Dark!Criminal!Harry, lots of crimes, generally darkish

Consider the curiously humanoid mandrake root, or mandragora. It is hideously ugly, deadly dangerous, and a powerful restorative. Why would anything else matter? * * A tale of horror. Please review. * *

Ron might end up getting killed chasing after his damned 'fortune and glory'. But not today. * Just a somewhat silly oneshot. *

The use of memory altering spells is common in the HP books. Protecting their secrecy comes before everything else, and justifies any action. Or so they believe.

"Have you found out how to get past that beast of Hagrid's yet?" ...Snape kicks Harry out of 'Remedial Potions', but as we know from The Philosopher's Stone, there is another Occlumens in the school good enough to keep out the Dark Lord. Stupid oneshot.

Young Harry liked numbers, he liked using numbers and working out the value of things. When he found out that he was a wizard and had a big pile of gold... well, he had something new to calculate. oneshot, complete, don't own.

The Dursleys weren't exactly a model family

Harry's magic changes him in ways that no wizard has ever dealt with before as he attempts to escape the cupboard once and for all!

There are plenty of things Harry Potter has experience in dealing with. Dark Lords are one, and so are Death Eaters, Dementors, and homicidal tea-sets. Hyper inter-dimensional travellers in orange jackets, however, are NOT. Pre-epilogue.

Not just anyone was asked to join the First Order of the Phoenix, only the bold and the brave, the best witches and wizards of their age... They didn't all say yes. Latest chapter: Kingsley Shacklebolt arrests James Potter...a lot.

Alice Longbottom does not die in St. Mungo's.

"Of course it's missing something vital. That's the point." Dennis Creevey takes up his brother's camera after the war.

Harry travels back in time to shape the future into a happier one, but will he listen to Hermione's warning?

A case of bad timing in apparition lands Bill Weasley in a lot of trouble with NCIS.

Trelawney never made the prophecy, Voldemort was never defeated on Halloween of 1981, Britain has fallen into darkness, and Harry Potter is just another no-name soldier trying to smuggle a certain Muggleborn witch out of Death Eater territory

Harry Potter x Inuyasha crossover. In his quest to teach his students about foreign magical creatures, Hagrid has a demon shipped over from Japan. A poisonous, arrogant, illtempered one. Hilarity and mass murder ensue.

Discontinued. Harry's born a girl but registered a boy. Neville's the BoyWhoLived. And oh yeah, there're several more organizations involved in this war than anyone would have guessed. From assassin to leader of the "Rising Power," life's one deadly game.

Luckily, lazy came up in Petunia's tirades slightly more often than freak, otherwise, this could have been a very different story. AU. Not your usual Hufflepuff!Harry story.

What if Vernon and Petunia were even more successfull in 'beating all that nonsense' out of Harry? A silly AU story of a nonpowerful, but cunning, Harry.

Bits that didn't make it into the final version of my story, The Substitute. Mostly alternate endings. You have to read The Substitute for any of this to make sense.

The magical contract made by the Goblet of Fire inadvertently sets underway events that change everything you thought you knew about the boy-who-lived. AU GOF, depressing and a bit dark.

You still dream of Azkaban, sometimes. A probably AU fic about the Aurors set in LessWrong's Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. DO NOT READ unless you've read up to at least Chapter 56; contains major spoilers.

AU of Year One. The Dursleys have done one good thing for Harry Potter's continued safety: their neglect has made him suspicious, sneaky, and cruel. A brief explanation of how things might have gone differently. Includes DH spoilers. Amoral!Harry.