A great story. Very good.

I like this little vignette I only wish it was a bit longer. Poor Damar think of all the crap he endured and how he finally came out of it on top only to lose his family...

It makes sense to me, and I think you did a good job. The short length really works here.

"Grasped for air" is a good enough phrase in itself; there is no need for desperately, as "grasped" already indicates desperation and failure.

I am confused on what context in which it was written, which ruins an otherwise generally well-written story.

At first, I thought perhaps the story was actually discussing Garak and the death of Mila, but then it implies sexual and romantic feelings, which I doubt Garak had for his former housekeeper.

Perhaps a clarification is in order? My email address is available through my profile, if the author does not wish to utilise review space.