I’ll do my best not to “flame” you and instead put this as constructively as possible.

Dear, your character is beyond a Mary-Sue. She is nothing but a self-insertion, an avatar, an excuse to put yourself into the FF7 universe, whatever you wish to call it. Her background and personality are unoriginal and formulaic. She is extremely underdeveloped and, quite frankly, boring. Make her more realistic--nobody takes Calculus their freshman year of high school. She would be a far more interesting character if you just threw in a few flaws other than that she’s terrible at lacrosse.

You really cannot even call this an AU fanfiction; it all revolves around Julia (alternately known as “Megami”...funny that a: she says that her “friends” call her that, and then but a couple of chapters later she says she has no friends, and b: NOBODY in the story called her that) and where nearly everyone is out of character (namely Sephiroth…I’m not even going to go into just how out of character he is). It is so painfully easy to tell which characters you dislike, seeing that you either write them into embarrassingly torturous situations (Cloud, Aerith, etc.) or change their personalities so that they become, let’s face it, evil (Zack and Rude, to name a couple).

While, grammatically, your story is not bad (save for a few typos here and there), the plot isn’t too good. While the Laura/Sephiroth/Julia love triangle added a bit of conflict, it was horribly cliché to have Laura be the spiteful, selfish ** that is typical in fictional romantic rivalry. At first, you wrote her as a genuinely nice person, but then you suddenly decided to make her into a vindictive, whiny, and overall annoying to read character.

Julia’s family situation is devastatingly typical of original characters. There is also a slight bit of inconsistency--if her father hates her so much, then why was she “kidnapped” from her foster family? Is it really so hard to write a story with a character who grew up in a (gasp) LOVING home? While domestic abuse is not as uncommon as it would ideally be, it doesn’t occur in every family – and still less as severe as you wrote it.

Whether or not you keep these things in mind or discard them entirely is up to you.

Hi. I liked your take on the story. I liked how it was different and creative, however, I didn't like how everyone seemed to be out of character.

Hojo is probably snappish and cold, but the characterization of everyone seemed like you hated everyone, had a problem with everyone or something.

Perhaps it wasnt the intention, but It did come out that way.



I just generally don't like when people regard Scarlett as a hooker/**/** because of her dress.

What did Scarlett do in the game that makes her an automated "**?"

Her dress?

Please, if her dress makes her a **, then Tifa must be the queen ** ** tramp ** ** there is.
Judging on Dress that is.

Scarlet only had a run in with Tifa, slapping her, and she ruined the Coal Miner Town with the SOLIDERS.
Plus, she builds the Weapons in the game.


The flamers need to stop though.

This is what constructive critsim looks like, kiddies.

*gigles insanely*
Yup, the dance couldnt have been complete without him!

God, Whips,Makou treatments, guns and roses. You were either really on caffeine or something else odd like that. Somebody murder that god damn sadist.

Thank you for finally pointint that out!
As I have pointed out before, Seph is not one of my favourite characters, but you present him in such a way that I have no choice but to cheer for him.

Reno vs Julia...
*goes off to get spatuala to scrape Reno off the wall with*

And here I thought that the blonde was Cid.
You really have a soft spot for the bad guys dont you?

Even if I am not a Sehpiroth pairing anyone fan, you set this up so well that its an automatic "good for you!" thing, without even thinking.

You continue to amuse me, or your story does. Id like to know why everyone thinks Vincient is a teacher, but thats the fanfic writers forte, not mine. Id like to know why you think Aeirth is a cheerleader prep tho.

You present a story that has incredible merit. I look forward to the rest of it, however, to offer points, I love the "Reno being the class prankster,"(altho I dont see any other role he could really play as well!)

You know, there's actually nothing wrong with this chapter, or the last chapter. :Smiles: Wow, you're improving!

I have to go now, and I can't wait to read more. I'm actuallt interested in what will happen!

Ta ta!

This story is certainly interesting.

Your battle scenes are beautiful. Simply beautiful. You must be in Karate or something to be able to write that good. Wonderful!

I like your Hojo. Seems very...him, you know? He's himself somewhat, but you add in your own 'Author's characterization'.

Now, for some bad news.

The characters are OOC. Excluding Hojo. Sephiroth is not kind. Reno is not that childish. Aeris is not a cry baby. Yuffie is not so indifferent and rude. :Nods: Work on that.

And, your charater is a Mary Sue, and a big one at that. She's much too perfect, I'm sorry. Her characterization of being pretty, smart, a great music player, stronger than everyone except Sephiroth, and finally, forming a romantic bond with Sephiroth. She's irks me.

Lastly, all those flamers need to quit. Saying they want to kill you, or you should die in a freak accident is just plain revolting. You're a real person, WITH a life mind you, that just writes for fun. They shouldn't take it so seriously. They should give you Constructive Critisism, not flames. I'm sorry you have to go through all that.

Well, I'll read on.

I actually want to read on...Anyways, I'm tired and must leave you. :Bows:

So, Julia beat Reno much too easily, and Seph beat Rude too easily. And, if she beats Sephiroth that is just TOO much.

She better not...

Shall read this when I have spare time...

Ha. I laughed at this actually. Both the humor, and the 'badness'.

OMG...This...was so horrible I nearly tore my OWN eyes out.
:GAGS: This fic is so idiotic I'm sure you have no more than two brains cells. God, it makes me sick.

I shall read on, my dear!

And, I could be writing my own stories, or reading a well-worth reading fic, but this is just too much fun!