This took me three days to read. It was an absolutely amazing story. You have to be one of the best writers ever! Thanks for the story ;)

You're my favorite Gundam wing author (probably because you write 1xR and because you're fabulous!)

This story was sad... but it was flawless. so, thank you.

You're Offical Loyal Reader

Banshee 4

This is the first review I've ever written. In fact, I actually made this account specifically so I can write this to you. That's how much of an impact this story has had on me.

I first want to commend you for creating one of the most challenging works I've ever had the privilege of reading. By that, I mean that this story really forced me to engage myself fully. It's no secret that during the course of a relationship, each person experiences a veritable Molotov cocktail of swirling emotions and isn't always sure how to deal with them. To properly capture and appreciate the beauty with which you so eloquently conveyed these emotions, I had to set my attention squarely on the text. I found myself really captivated with what you had to say.

Even though the feelings experienced in all stages of the relationship can be difficult to convey in any meaningful, coherent way (even for those who are experiencing those feelings firsthand), you did a beautiful job of laying it all out so clearly and so vividly to leave me thoroughly enamored. All of it was so honest and inspired that I couldn't help but invest myself emotionally in the well-being of the tale's protagonists.

As for the ending, it was definitely a shock to me. Just observing the way Heero and Relena interacted during the series, I'd really had the idea firmly implanted in my head that they would finally find their respective ways to each other once everything settled and they got some time to just be themselves. Up until I read your story, this idea was non-negotiable for me. I couldn't see it turning out any other way.

But your ending is too frank of a depiction of reality for me to dismiss it. The truth is that even after these two had endured such testing trials and had made so many sacrifices, that doesn't mean they're meant for a happy ending. That's too naive of a view of life. Fate is indiscriminate, and people don't always get what they deserve. Sometimes they just get what they get based on the random whimsy of forces entirely out of their control. Sometimes people are just so entirely broken that there is no fixing them, at least not in the now. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I still hope that Heero one day grows up and settles his own insecurities and makes peace with his past and resolves to truly make Relena his. But even if this proves a futile effort and he never gets there, I'm OK with that. The truth is that love is hard. And the fact that these two, who overcame the odds to save the world, still couldn't save themselves when something as complicated as love was involved. A striking and painful commentary on the truth of matters.

All in all, your insights into what love feels like and the effects it can have on people on both sides of the relationship were truly moving. This is one of those stories that will really stick with me, and I thank you for your earnest effort.

Why? I must read some cheesey 1xR to balance myself out now. I didn't cheat and skip ahead, but I was getting some little clues early on that the proverbial shit was going to hit the fan. Up until the last paragraph, I was thinking that it would somehow fix itself, that Heero would be like 'Take me back, I love you.' But, you know what? I would have been disappointed with such an ending. It's because there was real progress and development in this story, which is obvious, I think- but worth mentioning because it made this such a satisfying read. And you were right: there was a point to all the citrus-i-ness.

In your final author's note, you said that you wouldn't be writing an epilogue, which I understand, since adding one would almost be like a diservice to that last scene. To that last paragraph, even. It was lovely. But still, I wonder what you would have written.

I know this is old (5 years, geez) but I think it's very a very mature piece. You've said in other places that your idea of intimacy in relationships has changed, but I saw that idea that you were talking about in Relena, once she and Heero broke up. It seemed like a very mature take on break-ups and intimacy in general.

Heero's ideas about relationships were appropriately...unrelatable. I could comprehend what he was feeling, but there was no way I could understand it as a person. Which is appropriate, given the situation you put him in, and the way his ideas clash with Relena's.

I must confess, I get frustrated with your portrayal of Relena in Amour, though I enjoy that story alot (Really, I do- you should update it!), but I found this one refreshing. She went from naive to... slightly less naive- no, more grown-up, I'm sure now- very believably. I felt sad for her at the end, though. She had a great calling, but it was almost like I could feel the void Heero left in her. I also felt sad that she would continue to be loved only from afar. I felt sad for her, I can't help it.

But Heero's character felt so complex, and thoroughly drawn-out, I couldn't help but be fond of him, in all his depression and lack of communication. That's really something, I think.

The end of it was lovely, as I said. I loved how it felt very...final... but still open-ended. Which is so appropriate, since they are both looking forward at the end.

Since I failed to leave a review for any other chapters, I want to leave you some of the thoughts I had over the few days that it took me to read the whole thing:

Heero, you dunderhead! Heero, you bastard! Say something, Relena! Heero, you bastard! Heero, you bastard! And after they broke up in the story, I decided to take a break for the night, and took my frustrations with Heero out on my husband, ("Kiss me goodnight, already! What's your problem, don't you love me?")

But the ending was lovely, as I said.

I apologize for the length of this review, but I just kept on thinking of things I wanted to mention once I left a review throughout the course of my reading.

There's more, before I forget: I like Mandred! And Ted! And the line about Ted's name just being the name he came with. You sneak a bunch of little lines in that are more profound than they seem. I catch them.

I can't believe I hadn't read this before now.

Hi!

I stumbled upon you story as I was searching for a 1xR fanfic, having my passion in their relationship of sorts renewed a couple of days ago.

I sat through the completed 25 chapters the whole day and I must say I found it superb and quite interesting. It made my head spin, my insides turn...and in the end, you broke my heart.

I'm a sucker for happy endings and your story had me wishing of a different turn of events. I'm even tempted to make a fanfic out of yours hahaha!

I hope you find no offense in my review, but I felt compelled to write you one, since I truly feel your story was and is wonderful and it deserves one.

Still, I wanted a happy ending. Is there a sequel? Oh, wistful wishing.

Yes, I felt cheated when I got to the last chapters, because their romance was all too sweet, it was looking so well! It had a slow process and it made me feel satisfied along its rhythm...and then your plot squashed my needs as a reader. Insert histerical laughter here. But that was planned since the beginning and I can't blame you or your muse.

Your story left me feeling down, can't deny the fact...and I'll be blue till I find a nice, fulfilling story about them -my favorite couple from the Gundam universe-. Your fanfic was wonderful and perfect. BUT! hahahahaha I wanted it to be even more perfect (to appease my desires).

It's been so long since you posted and completed this story, and I hope you get to read my review.

Perhaps you have more angsty fiction of 1xR WITH happy endings? I'd love to read them. (:

Thank you for such a wonderfull piece of creativity! :D

*cries* how could you end it like that! I'm so sad :( I wish I didn't continue reading, it just made me so sad. *wipes tears* I'm so angry now... I'm going to read something happy now to take my mind off this.

Aww, I just read chapter 20 and I almost cried, how dare you. *sniffles* OH I can't wait to see what happens next! *continues to next chapter*

I'm only on chapter 6 but I love how spot on you are with the Heero Yuy personality. I know this anime came out like 9 years ago here in the US but I still love it. It's already almost 20 years old, geez. Love how you're not making him much like his character in the show so far. It's cute, reminds me of my first date. Good job! *continues on to next chapter*

This was the most prominent, most beautifully written, story I've EVER read. And I do mean that. It had so much depth to it. It was emotional. It was realistic. And you did an amazing job of exploring all areas of a first relationship and a first love. You put in the emotional roller coaster of doubts and happiness and confusion. You put in all the steps of being into a relationship, and I have never read anything so real. You portrayed the journey to love and sex very well. For all this, I commend you.

Although I'll have to say all your other characters besides Heero and Relena strayed. I would expect Duo to have done what Wufiel did for Relena.

Your ending, I enjoyed but it left much to be desired. Not because it was poorly written or anything but for the same reason everyone might say. It's because it didn't have a happy ending. It's because you know that they're supposed to be together but they don't in your story. And it leaves much to be desired and you leave the readers hoping and imagining. I had hoped you put a sequel but I can see you won't. Either way the ending was good despite the bitterness of it.

goodfic

Wow. I actually don't know what to say, it was so heart-breakingly beautiful. Literally sitting with a lump in my throat and a lead-weight in my chest after reading this story. It had so much feeling and poignancy, but most of all: the characters were all so realistic and emotive without having cliched 'angst' feeling. Painful and peacecful. Lost myself in a whole other world.

As Jessica put it before, thank you for sharing your gift.

I like how this story is so detailed into the relationship and all of its stages. most of the stories that i have read over my tenure as a fanfiction reader and author always seem to have this really rushed feeling to thier relatinoships. like " hi, u wanna go out?...sure!" then bam! sex. it really doesnt make much sense. but your story does a much better job than that. verry well written with good, if a bit excessive details. and i havent even finished reading it yet!

amazing...just amazing writing skills... too bad they didn't get together in the end... but it was a great story anyway...loved it! keep up the good work!

So, I've read this story a long while ago, but I can't remember if I ever reviewed for it.

If I haven't, forgive me, I'm making up for it now.

I just have to tell you though.

This is the BEST HeeroxRelena fanfic I have ever read.

I'm being DEAD SERIOUS.

It's truly genius and oh so real. It's exaclty how I would picture Heero and Relena's relationship if it ever did continue.

I'm telling you now because I was going through my favorite stories list and came across this one again and I loved it the first time and loved it even more the second time.

You're an amazing writer, again, I'm being dead serious.

Yup, so I just wanted to let you know that because I thought you deserved it.

Keep up the fantastic work.

-Emer.

/sighs blissfully yet sadly/ It was inevitable. I suppose I don't hate Heero after all. I was just so caught up in Relena's torment that I felt like her, you know? Thinking I hate him. Really his sadness and loneliness moved me more than hers, but being female and having my own dream-like, romantic ideals I identified with Relena's position, you know?

So, Ranleth and Wufei? Is there a story there? I think there might be! Oh well. I did like the ending. I was a bit surprised that they met again before he left. I was expecting him to leave without goodbye and have that be it. I nearly cried again in that last chapter about the story she'd tell and the girl he'd remember, and then the sun setting... It was beautiful! And I'm being sincere here.

As for disapointment in their not getting together... I've seen evidence of it in your other fics so I wasn't surprised by your twist here. However I would like to declare that, as far as this fic is concerned, I am contenting myself with a fantasy that at sometime later in the future a romance develops between Relena and Wufei. That would be interesting...

Oh, and have I mentioned how I essentially almost lost it when Heero grabbed her shoulders and was yelling? OMG! That was so powerful, his break... it was torturous! My poor, distant, lost little Heero!

And before I forget I have to say that reading your stuff is highly emotionaly draining! I almost felt like I was abusing my own heart just continuing, but I was too curious. I had to know, had to go on. I'm glad I did, but damn I feel raw after that! I feel like I just relived my own confusing and painfully long breakup! I have no idea how you wrote that! If just reading it is this taxing and draining... I can't begin to understand what writing it must be like! Or must have been... Whatever.

Looking at your AN, an epilogue would be cool, but it is unnecessary. I kind of like where this left off, from a writer's POV, because as a reader I really want that final closure of do they see each other again? does she get what she wants? does she find love? does he find love? and other etc.

I'm not too sure what else I can say about it. I could repeat how much I love your style, but I've already said it a few times, so... I think I need sleep. Need to recover from this emotional trip you've taken me on. Beautifully done! Sattisfying in every way! Gorgeously painful and deliciously full of longing and hope and love. What makes it so brilliant is that it IS real. And it is tragic, esp. for our sex. It is a pit we are all doomed to fall down from the moment we hear our first "prince charming" tale and you have captured it wonderfully, in my oppinion. Esp. for these two characters. The tragedy is potent and the feelings sincere... I can't tell, think I liked it?

Anyways, hope to hear from you soon in the form of FMS or Amour. I think I'm gonna really give myself a break before reading other things you've done. Need to heal myself from the heartache of Desires of the Heart. Exquisitely disappointing! I like elegant contradictions! But yes, well done! Even if you finished it three years ago, it's always nice to hear praise, non?

TTFN