Beautiful. :) Rei and Shinji is forever.

A brave effort--I wouldn't have tried it--and enjoyable enough. The rhyming couplets got old after a while though, especially what with the apparently random 'half-quotation' of 'words' throughout the 'poem,' especially in 'the' earlier 'half.'
Take note: both commas and periods belong inside quotation marks.
Continuing: while for the most part it works well, the meter stumbles every now and then. Often this is because syllable count fits but the stress pattern on the words doesn't fit your iambs. One suggestion is that you read your poetry aloud to yourself. Even better is to have someone else read it aloud to you, but that can be embarassing, I know. 8^)

Your intepretation of EoE is interesting, especially the end. How do you get the idea that Asuka ends up as "shadows in Shinji's new soul"? How does Rei know Asuka will die? (Another note: I argue that Asuka never dies--destruction of an Eva's innards and head do not necessarily imply damage to the Entry Plug, which is in the Eva's back.)

As to content: Gendo also saw Rei's smile, and was (as far as we can tell) at least in part a father-figure to Rei long before she even met Shinji. Remember that the firs time she really pays attention to him is when she slaps him for disrespecting his father, and the second time is when he runs to her Entry Plug (in parallel to Gendo's actions during the Unit-00 startup test).

Good writin' to ye.

Here's a polished version of my first attempt at an NGE Fan Poem.

Please note, my other work on FanFiction.Net is rated 'R', so if you go looking for more work by myself, you may be in for a shock/surprise!

That having been said, my 'other stuff' is NOT **/Erotica, but like NGE itself, contains Adult/Mature themes & situations that may not be suitable for little children.

Teenagers are another matter...

Yours, DBM.
From Somewhere in Australia, the Land of Tree-Hugging Funnelwebs.