|
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| DragonDi 2008-07-09 ch 8, | abuseThis is such a great story. I'm sorry you've abandoned it. Maybe someday you'll come back to it? Anyhow, I love your version of Shigure. Scheming and plotting--typical Shigure (even if he did turn out to be a bit... darker in the actual series). Still, I love your writing. Thanks for an hour of enjoyable reading! |
| hokuto92 2008-07-01 ch 8, | abuseInteresting. Can't wait to see what happens next |
| CHAOS REIGNS OVER ALL 2008-06-06 ch 8, | abuseFub, i love this pairing! Please update soon |
| vamp1987 2008-05-19 ch 8, | abusePlease update! I desperately want to know what happens. Is it possible that Tohru likes Haru? Will Shigure's plans work? What about the wayward boys at school? So many questions...need...to...find...answers. Hope you haven't abandoned the story. Hope you rediscover your muse. Oh, and side note, I can't access your profile. You are still on fanfic, right? |
| Spirit's Whisper 2008-05-16 ch 8, | abuseThis is the best s/h story I've ever come across, more please! |
| Anonymouse 2008-05-02 ch 5, anon. | abuseSo you put in phrases like 'hajimemashite' and 'doozo yoroshiku', which are not used much in general conversation, but you don't explain the subtle nuances between honorifics like -kun, -san, -chan etc and the significance of not including an honorific at the end of someone's name? Very strange... |
| Anonymouse 2008-05-02 ch 2, anon. | abuseMy complaints: 'With a jerk, he startled, his elbowing slipping off the edge of his working desk and nearly sending his weight tumbling in an ungainly heap to the floor.' - It's not too hard to say that he started and nearly fell off the desk on which he had been lying. Above sentence is too flowery. - There are far too many one-sentence paragraphs. They should be used as sparingly as possible. When you've used them to the extent that you have, they become irritating and have a detrimental effect to the tone and pacing of the story. I'm not going to waste my time saying nice things cos a lot of people have already done that. After all... "It is extremely helpful to use this opportunity to comment on an aspect of the story that can be improved." |
| Anonymouse 2008-05-02 ch 1, anon. | abuseWhy do you use so many Japanese words? Frankly, it's not necessary. Honorifics are the limit to what you should really include: sure, it's a story about Japanese people, Japanese culture and it's set in Japan, but it's written in English. Why use 'Sumimasen' when you can say 'excuse me', or just 'sorry'? Why say 'Ittekimasu' when you can say 'I'm leaving'? It just makes much more sense and, to be honest, you sound like a fangirl trying to show off her knowledge of the Japanese language to her readers. Is there something wrong with writing in English? And another thing, there is purple prose littered throughout the chapter. The first real sentence is so long and filled with verbs and adjectives that I was hopelessly confused when I reached the end. There's too much superfluous language included here. Seriously, it's off-putting and slightly annoying. |
| Sesshomaru'sPrincess006 2008-02-29 ch 8, | abusei love it so far |
| Lyramel 2008-02-28 ch 1, | abuseReally like this story, and hope you will update it soon shigure is one of my favourite characters, so overlooked. his schemes and plans reveal the darker side to him! |
| furuba lover 2008-01-05 ch 8, anon. | abuseplz, plz, plz, oh, plz update! pwetty, pwetty plz! |
| MarisaMayhem 2008-01-01 ch 8, | abuseomg!! wow!! i just started reading all your chapter and i have to say i freaking love you!! the way you make the story plotmyour own! your subtle but not too subtle cliffhangers!!the way your chapters are really long!! i love it all ^-^ omigosh!! please please please update soon!! i love where your going with this story!! i cant help but think that haru's gonna end up telling tohru that he likes her.. but uhmm is rin in this story?? eh it doesnt matter!! but please update soon!! |
| RosalieAnne 2007-12-21 ch 8, | abuseholy crap you really did give up on this didn't you? you haven't updated in almost 3 years! well, i have to say it's a shame, but i can't really do very much about it. I can't critique on this, because i don't see it making any sort of difference. |
| Mari 2007-12-15 ch 1, anon. | abusei love this story. plz update soon |
| Spiel 2007-11-23 ch 8, | abuseI love this fic and sincerely hope that someday you'll update it. |