hey, where is your site?
i would like to read the rest of the story.
it is very interesting.
ks

This is going places. The concept is kicking good. I really want to read more. One warning: Don't you cry for Johns, don't you dare.

Good dialogue.
I get the sense that Riddick doesn't know what is going on, but it is so disjointed I can't "see" what is going on either.
Try adding more discription. Describe the people to me. Describe the looks on their faces. Tell me more.