Reviews for Anna Grayson and The Order of Merlin

Reviews For: Anna Grayson and The Order of Merlin - Reviews: Page 1 of 10

dares to dream 2008-08-07 ch 43,	abuseI know it has been a long time since this story was completed, but I wanted to give my thoughts anyway. This, in truth, is the most revealing story I have ever read. Katie must have had a wonderful understanding of life, and death, and it showed greatly in her writing. There were points when it seemed her own views were reflected in this story, and it pushed me to find out more about Leukemia, which i never knew much about before now. Her story is a wonderful work of fiction that is increadibly unique and a work of art. +dares to dream+
Branson Williams 2007-11-11 ch 25,	abuseGood chapter! One mistake was: “It’s not okay!” he yelled, rising to his feet again. “Tomorrow, I’m going have a to talk with Dunning,” You don't need the word 'to' in the sentence. Another grammar error: . I’ll schedule a meeting with the Chancellor if that’s what it takes and, if I have to, I’ll go to father and…” Instead of a comma (,) after 'if I have to' you should have a semicolon (;) so it becomes: . I’ll schedule a meeting with the Chancellor if that’s what it takes and, if I have to; I’ll go to father and…” Another problem: “Nothing...” she said, rubbing her the back of her throbbing head. It should be: 'rubbing the back of her throbbing head.'
Branson Williams 2007-07-11 ch 24,	abuseGood chapter. I liked the Vollucross match. You misspelled 'steel' again. you have: "She could feel her fingers wrapping around the steal and another sharp CLANG..." You also misspelled 'Azkaban'. You have: "...him sent straight to the Wizard’s prison… Askaban.'
Branson Williams 2007-07-11 ch 23,	abuseGood chapter. I couldn't wait to finish it! I wonder what everyone is so afraid of. I did notice a few more problems though. "...note from Hobb’s foot and enrolled the small piece of parchment." In this sentence, you have 'enrolled', when it should be: 'unrolled'. "...building, in reality, was just an abandon relic long forgotten by everybody living on the plateau." In this sentence, 'abandon' should be 'abandoned'.
Branson Williams 2007-07-11 ch 22,	abuseGood chapter. I hope Hobbs returns safely. I noticed a few mistakes. In the following, you misspelled the word 'peas'. '...reminiscent of a child being told to eat her pees.' You also misspelled 'Hogwarts' a couple times. You spelled it 'Hogworts'.
Branson Williams 2007-07-09 ch 21,	abuseA good chapter. However, 'Devination' should be 'Divination' & you have 'steal' when it should be 'steel' "...they used to teach a class called Devination here at the school, which supposedly allowed students to study the craft. "Anna headed for the steal gates at the stadium entrance." Also, 'her' needs to be 'here'. '...a common thing around her, really.”
Branson Williams 2007-07-09 ch 20,	abuseIt's a good chapter. It kept my attention & made me want to continue reading throughout the chapter. I also liked the classroom scene. I didn't notice any grammar, or spelling errors.
Branson Williams 2007-07-08 ch 19,	abuseI really enjoyed how the meal was served. Much more interesting than just having it suddenly appear. I noticed one mistake: 'Another bubble handed on Anna’s table, leaving behind a pitcher of pumpkin juice.' The word 'handed' should be 'landed'. 'Another bubble landed on Anna’s table, leaving behind a pitcher of pumpkin juice.' Also, “Yes, old friend… I admit it; I miss them all ready,” he said, in an exasperated tone.' The words 'all ready' should be combined to make the single word: 'already'. “Yes, old friend… I admit it; I miss them already,” he said, in an exasperated tone.' Decieved & betrayed, a slashed picture. None of this can be good...
Branson Williams 2007-07-07 ch 18,	abuseYet another great chapter! You did misspell a word a couple times though. you have the word 'snug', when it should be 'smug' "without coming off… well… you know… snug…" and "'...I can assure you, I’ll be the one they think is snug.” The halls & rooms sound neat. Kinda makes me want to be there myself. I think I'd probably end up in the Servers Union. With those definitions you showed me in your reply, I'm not sure if you should change 'insure' to 'ensure'. Based on the definition, both words work the way you're using them. So I wouldn't bother changing them unless you thin it's absolutely necessary. I like how Anna was able to gain control of the Lethifold and contain it within herself. It was a very descriptive scene, and I felt as if I could actually 'see' Ann become the Lethifold and her interactions with it.
Branson Williams 2007-07-07 ch 17,	abuseAnother good chapter, but you need to change 'insure' to 'ensure' “They work together to insure the student events are scheduled properly, and the necessary..."
Branson Williams 2007-07-07 ch 16,	abuseThat was really exciting and made me nervous for Anna. Great chapter! So far, it's my favorite.
Branson Williams 2007-07-07 ch 15,	abuseI liked this chapter. Good way to end it, keep readers coming back for more (not that they wouldn't anyway!). This is one of those stories that you can get hooked on.
Branson Williams 2007-07-07 ch 14,	abuseAnother good chapter. I can't wait to see which dynasty Anna is joined to. I liked the praying to god and the faith the Grayson's have in god (I'm a Christian...) There is a problem with the word 'insure' in one sentence. It should be: 'ensure' "...contacted the school to insure I continued my musical training." "...contacted the school to ensure I continued my musical training." There are multiple times (three I think) that you use the word:'lightening' (the spelling is correct)when what you mean is 'lightning'. With the 'e' in it, it means something is becoming lighter. Without the 'e' it would be light the lightning in a thunder storm.
Branson Williams 2007-07-07 ch 13,	abuseI liked this chapter. The bit about what Eric remembers from his birthday was interesting. I also liked the boat ride on the BB5. One part reminded me of the movie 'Titanic'. I think sailing to the school is much more interesting than riding a train. The different dynasty's sound interesting. So do the school robes with the color stripes. This is an excellent story. I kinda wish it could actually be published, printed, and sold. I'd definitely buy a copy! There was a grammar error though. In the paragraph before the name of the BB5 is in bold letters you have: "...bobbing precariously alone in an abandon area of the docks." The problem is with the word 'abandon' it should be: 'abandoned'. then the sentence would look like: "...bobbing precariously alone in an abandoned area of the docks." Also, I think you meant to say: 'this' after the word 'aboard'in the next sentence of dialog: “So… what’s a witch gotta to do to get aboard his tub?” Gwen didn’t reply.' It would look like: “So… what’s a witch gotta to do to get aboard this tub?” Gwen didn’t reply.
Branson Williams 2007-07-06 ch 12,	abuseAnother amazing chapter! But I'm confused about something. In the last chapter, it says that children attending Castlewood get their invitation letters when they turn eleven. However, In this chapter it says they don't start at Castlewood until they are twelve. Anna is a year behind her peers and is thirteen years old. So do the children wait a year after getting their invitations to attend Castlewood to actually go? You also seem to have forgotten a word in one of the dialog sentences. "...you will become my student, and can assure you, I will make that remaining year most difficult for you." There should be an 'I' between "and" and "can" so it would look like: "...you will become my student, and I can assure you, I will make that remaining year most difficult for you."

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