So far, an amusing story, made tedious by the atrocious grammar and spelling.

I like the ideas, and your scenes are intriguing and amusing...I think they could be deveoped into an interesting story. You have not gotten there yet. Much of the story feels rushed, and the changes in the characters seem sudden. Because of this, I really don't care about them... even though I adore them in canon and have been grabbed by a lot of fanfic.

Getting a beta reader would be a good first step, so we would not have to wade through the word choice, spelling and grammar errors.
The second step would be to consider the characters, and figure out WHY they would do what they are doing.

Once you get that, you can grab us and draw us into their minds, as we experience their joys, fears, and sorrows. And then humor in the story would have a context of characters we care about... I think you can write that story if you care to.

Good luck with your writing. I think you have the potential to write well, if you choose to work at it.


K

Ack I give up reading this - too many spelling mistakes, too much wrong punctuation, too American. Rubbish.

what a twist in the end!

Draco and Neville? Why on earth would you put perfect Malfoy and clumsy Neville together? The story was GREAT though, I loved it!!

wow that was awesome lol i love little tom on the train um... i know you wrote this ages ago but i was wondering if you are going to do a sequal coz i think it would be nice to hear what you make of toms hogwarts years and what he thinks of his parents but the story i must say is brillant even without a sequel XD

This is the first story i've ever reviewed that wasn't about Teen Titans, and I LOVE IT! you think i'd be reviewing it if I didn't? this story rocks and is so well written! keep up the awesome work!

Great story!

AWESOME STORY! TRULY AWESOME!

OMG. I see why Lady Julie Snape LOVES this story. OMG. That was AWESOME! I absolutely, positively, no doubt about it, LOVED the ending! That is the best ending I have ever in my entire life read (besides the ending to Chronicles of Narnia, the entire series)! Holy cow!! You should so do a part 2 or epilogue or whatever you call those extra stuff. Even if it was only a short story. Wow. Okay I'm going to go now and sit there and say WOW a few thousand more times...

x3 That was so cute!

*fawns over baby!Tom Riddle* just adorable! the thought of it (lol) gives me WAFF.

You've got a good story here but it would be nice if you could have someone edit it. There a lot of grammar errors which makes it tedious to read the story.

I love it! Great story idea. Great job with the characters. I can so see Harry wanting to stay a child to get the childhood he never had. I love the idea of him raising Tom. :)

love that they adopt lv

that was a wonderfull story *sighs*

KAWAII!

Y.A.O.I Girl: yes.. adorable! now... for more... MWAHAHAHHA!!