I absolutely loved the Count's internal monologue about vampire bathing, but I beg beg beg of you to get either a beta reader, or some sort of grammar check program (Microsoft word has one that automatically underlines punctation, spelling, and structure problems as you write), because nearly every sentence is either a run on or an incomplete sentence fragment. You have the ability to be a terrifically talented writer, it's a shame to see your work marred by grammar errors that could be so easily corrected.

Wow! I can't wait to read more from you. Do keep on writing, please.
Interesting new characters (I do have a few suspicions about that fellow named "Bram" ;-) )
and well written familiar ones.

-eyes are wide with anticipation- You have to write more! And soon! I love this. It's great. Please put up more chapters soon! ^_^

I just saw Dance of the Vampires the 25th, and I died when I saw this! I'm so glad someone wrote a fic on it! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Please write more! Please? I'll be your friend. ^_^ I'll give you a cookie.

- Satoshi

Chapter 3: Again, you have written wonderful physical descriptions of the characters. You have quite a gift for that. It makes your writing delightfully rich and accessable to readers. You fixed the word substitution problem you were having in previous chapters (see my previous review re: "then" vs "than"), but have unfortunately begun to write in incomplete sentences. For example: "More of a sickly pallor to her. Circles drawn deeply under her large eyes. Face wrinkled slightly." If you read each of these 3 sentences by themselves, you can see they are incomplete; they actually lack necissary verbs and personal pronouns. You can achieve the short, simple sentence structure style you seem to be going for by making use of the semicolon (;), or colon (:). You also switched tenses several times mid sentence. "The woman didn't offer any protest, just *watching* him leave with a sigh of relief." should be, "The woman didn't offer any protest; just *watched* him leave...", to state one example (as well as make use of our good friend the semicolon). You're writing in the third person past tense, make sure you stay there ;). On another positive note: your characterization of Herbert was right on the nose. I'm quite interested in him, as well as Anthony, and what he will encounter at the Inn. I hope you find these reviews helpful; I'm truely enjoying reading your work. You have a lovely romantic style. Keep writing.

Interesting story thus far. Fairly well written; I enjoyed your character discriptions, they were colorful and interesting. However, in a few places the phrasing was a little awkward (for example: "catholic fathers outfit" should perhaps be Catholic priest's habit), and you need to watch your grammar a bit (many cases of "then" when you should have used "than", and "your" when you should have used "you're"). Reguardless, I look forward to seeing where you go with this story, and encourage you to write more soon.