   Acacia Jules 2003-09-22 . chapter 17Well, for one, Percy as the Head of Magic? He hadn't been there long enough! And two, if Malfoy has Wormtail, and everyone recognizes him, why the hell does he still have the damn Rat in his posession?
Three, your couplings make no sense, and you make no effort to explain them, if your going to do odd couplings, you need to consentrate on them, and explain what the hell their doing together. Because frankly, Fleur wouldn't give Ron the time of day. He's younger, has nothing going for him, and she'd never really gotten to know him before. If she'd gotten together with anyone younger than herself, she would have gotten together with Harry, he was the triwizard champion, the Boy who Lived, and he saved her sister. Ron was just some little boy, another insignifcant git drooling after her.
So if you want the two of them together, you have to explain what the hell Fleur is doing with him. Besides a moment of your whimsy.
You really need to take the time and concentrate on your characters, you haven't done anything with character development. Character development is vital to a story, you need to build on the characters, make them full and well rounded. Give them reasons for what their doing. Explore their emotions. |
 LegalanGreenleaf 2003-05-01 . chapter 16Percy, that git Minister of Magic! ((**bursts into laughter.**)) |
| LegalanGreenleaf 2003-05-01 . chapter 15 THAT F**KING RAT! Poor George... |
| LegalanGreenleaf 2003-05-01 . chapter 11 Oh crap... Scabbers... |
| LegalanGreenleaf 2003-05-01 . chapter 3 SPELLING!! GRAMMER!! USE A SPELL-CHECK!! It's a good story but the grammer/spelling errors every line take away from it!! |
| LegalanGreenleaf 2003-05-01 . chapter 2 No 'fense, but your grammer sucks. You REALLY need to get a beta. I'll beta for you if you want... just e-mail me! |
| Drangon Charlie lover 2003-03-24 . chapter 17 Okay this story was good till chapter 16. You are right you do need help. I hate writter's block it can srew up the best of storys. But don't worry and don't rush it, the story will come to you soon. so don't worry about and don't take it off line some will have an idea that will help you soon |
| Nora9112 2003-02-21 . chapter 16 Good job Ami. I want the next chapter and you will not be taking this off line because if you do I will go onto my computer and get it out and put it on my name and say it's by you. So there. ::sticks her tounge out:: |
| Torquoise Snape 2003-02-12 . chapter 15 slow, but good. I wished it would move a little faster, But good plot. I like it. keep writting |
| Skylanthus 2003-02-11 . chapter 14 ((It's Amanda, got tired of my old name)) Someone's going to die?!?!?! And you're leaving me hangign by a thread why? |
| coffee hurts 2003-02-11 . chapter 13 it said you have ch 14 up. i want to read it wand it won't let me. any way good story. keep up the great work. |
| Laxie_79 2003-02-11 . chapter 13 MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE !!! PLEASE!!!! begging, pleading, grovelling write a hell of a lot more soon PPPPLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE a loyal reviewer awaits the next words of the Great One!!! :) |
| Amethyst D 2003-02-11 . chapter 12 this is good |
| Skylanthus 2003-02-10 . chapter 12 And why isn't this story done yet? Hmm? Hmm? Finish it so I don't have to plot and worry about the ending/Harry/ everyone!!! |
| kitty cat snape 2003-02-07 . chapter 11 it's a little slow but i like it, keep going |
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