Good Story

A great story. Very good.

very good start...kinda confused on who 'he' is but still good! u should continue...

um, what happened?

Hey Joanne!

WOW OMG Great story! You have a real good knack for story telling and as well as your skills in writing. I thought you portrayed Cordillia excellently...hehe. I wonder what outfit she bought for the part. I really like this...and I would love to read more! Esp, if it's sci fi! Keep up the talent.

Love Always,

Kara

'Scullypug'

Love it, Joanne. If I could think of anything better to say, I would. _

To begin with, the reader has no idea who the person Angel is talking with is and then suddenly it seems to be Wesley only there are two men with Cordelia. I'm confused. And the paragraphs jump from one place to the next. Three people talk in the same paragraph so you never know who's actually doing the speaking. You need to learn some mechanics and rework this. You might have a good plot going here, but I can't find it through all the confusion.

Wow, was this difficult to read. You need to separate your dialogue into separate paragraphs. I wasn't sure who was saying what! Finally about halfway through I just gave up. I'd like to try it again if you ever get around to reformatting. Lemme know.