Loved it. I'm glad I read this right after "Spring" because it really nicely contrasted the boyish Caeser with this more world-weary, cynical one. Plus, you're probably the only person I know who can make Apple likeable. I never liked Apple in the game, but you give her a personality I never saw in her.

Go Mathiu!

My favorite part was the use of the word 'notorious' to describe the Silverbergs. That's a word that, in my opinion, has a more negative connotation, and I thought it worked perfectly.

Only problem I have with this is that I have trouble reading the non-spaced-out format on the computer, but that's just me.

Very lovely~~ i do love silverburgs... they're so much fun, and you write them so well.

Okie-dokie.

Even though I'm not very acquainted with WHAT these characters are talking about, I at least have a vague familiarity with the characters themselves.

Be that as it may, however, I'm going to skip content and go write to the "physical" structure.

The word is "started", not "startled". "Startled" is more a state-of-being verb that is usually accompanied by "was". "Started" is actually what people do when they are startled.

A LOT of paragraphs starting with "He/She". Even though there are only two parties, and they both happen to be opposite sex, simple, impersonal pronouns shouldn't be over-used as they tend to water down characters--especially when you could have used more descriptive terms like "red-haired young man" or "bespactacled woman" etc.

Verbs are another thing. "Said" and "asked" appear numerous times. While they get the message across, they're really bland. Sure they let the reader know something is being spoken and who is speaking, but they simply lack color and dimension. Words like; "affirm", "stated", "inquired", "queried", "questioned".throw in an adverb here or there; "steadfastly", "angrily", "sullenly" and you've gone from Two-dimensional to three.your narrative seems less like some sort of video camera and more like a good story-teller, and your characters seem a lot less wooden.

You rely heavily on dialogue (as was the case with your FF4 fic) and it's really just back and forth. Near the beginning of the fic you just totally did away with descriptive attachments to the spoken component, instead jumping right to the response. Unless you're trying to make that particular part of the fic choppy on purpose (to add to the element of suspense or to draw upon the empathy of the reader--say a character is excited or afraid and you want the reader to feel that by how you write that particular part.) then you should really avoid that, as it's a very good time to add to the length of your fic by giving it substance--making characters more human by having them do something as they speak as real people would.

Hm. That seems to touch on most of the problems. As I don't really understand where you were trying to go with this fic, I can't really give it a thumbs up or down. To me it almost seems like some sort of exercise.

Anyway, hope to see more from you soon.

can i hug you? no? to bad i am! ::hugs catherine rain:: yee-ay! another one with caesar in it! such deep thoughts too~ makes ya think~ wich is weird because i don't usually do that ^_^; well please keep up at the writting! i'll be stalking down ur fics!!

this is really well-written. ^.^ great job!

Yay, what a great story! I'm quite a fan of the Silverbergs and those tied into their family, so I enjoyed this story about Apple and Caesar. You did an excellent job portraying both characters, even though Caesar really didn't get much of an opportunity to develop a personality beyond the young, brash, lazy-eyed, and undeniably-intelligent strategist role he serves.

I love the subtle things in this piece that mark Apple's age; it always stunned me to see Apple as middle-aged in the game, but your story makes it comfortable and easier to deal with. I'm not sure if it was canon that Apple married Sheena and then later divorced him, but the parts built around that information were well-executed.

Great job. I really did enjoy this story, and I look forward to more. ^_^