This is an addictive piece of writing. Every word seems to spill out infinitely the emotions that both Takeru and Hikari have for each other. I don't believe your 'artsy' words drowned out the story at all. It just kept it flowing. Great job I look forward to more of your stories (Takari) in the future.

This is the second story I`ve read that really made me look at how Takeru and Hikari`s relationship would be should their relationship ever advance past that of being friends.

Just the way you wrote this made me feel as though I could actually feel what they feel, and I can only imagine how hard it is to take a relationship to the next level, especially at the rate they went at.

This story had few minor grammar errors (I`m not going to get inot major specifics based on the high calibar of this story ), but otherwise, it was well written, had good formatting and was just inspiring.

Cute Takariness...cute Takariness...cute Takarines...luv da cute Takarines...

Whoa, good fic!

Wow, that was certainly different. However it was truly deep. Impressive.

I suggest however that you stick to your "flow" of the story. At some part you went into a really "artsy" mode. It made the story more difficult to understand because the story wasn't in that mode in the beginning.

However the story is really good.

Until Then.

Wow...took me a while to finally soak everything in from this story but lemme tell ya, i ain't disappointed.

Wow. This is really superb. You've managed to capture a very complex set of emotions and emotional shifts. Amazing charting of the course of their relationship to innocence lost to the discovery of something new that'll take it's place yet won't.

And I love the ending. It's perfectly judged.

However, my major piece of advice would be to simplify your writing. In places, you almost have too much imagery and too much metaphor, and it tends to overwhelm the story slightly. I do like the richness and the allusiveness of your text, but I think it would be even better for being simplified.

Takeru also felt a little off to me, but I'm notoriously fussy about my Takeru. ^.^;

(Sorry, I'm a grad assistant at my University. It's my job to make nitpicky comments on how people can improve their work . . . )

Wow. I really and whole-heartedly enjoyed this piece. It had a subtle style and deep meaning that few others have had. Near the end, I felt like it was a bit rushed - but other than that, I can't think of a single thing that I didn't like. Wonderful first work, and I look forward to many more from you. *Jenglory*

A most excellent story. I could feel the emotons you were tring to envoke with each scene. Keep writing great works like this.

That was so cool!! Loved it!!

Wow. Simply incredible. I really meant it. Only two other authors I know of (lucia marin and The Raven) have a style similar to yours; very discreet, yet at the same time, screams volumes. That is truly a rare talent that is almost unheard of here. You can't go wrong with a story like this. Wonderful.

~Cracker

oh my… holy shiet… that was amazing. Omg, u dunt noe how long I’ve been waiting fo an author with a skilled writing talent like urs to come along. Holy, damn, this was good. It’ s so deep and emotional, and extremely inspirational. Do u have any more story ideas to come? Plz, I cant wait to see what u come up with next! Keep writing!

-gots ta be takari’s baybee

Wow. That is all I can think of saying. Wow. This was ,wow. I can't even think about it. It was so poetic, so beautiful. Wow. This is great it shows truth. Keep up writing your great.

Whoa, That was great! I love this. There's going to be more, right? KEEP WRITING! Please =)

whew this was definetly original


your a very good writer and u pieced the story together beautifully


i liked the part about Tk energy being beautiful adn terible and i think its very accurate


keep writing maybe u can continue this?