  Kae
2008-07-04 . chapter 25 Hello there!
I've just caught up on this story, after reading the prequel and this in stolen moments over the last week.
I would like to commend you for your improvements in writing over the course of this tale. The plot has always been intellegent, however the syntax, grammar and spelling of the earlier chapters were not as refined as more recent ones. It is always a good thing to have improvements in writing.
The idea of the Kathis is superbly original, and I find myself enjoying the nuances of all these characters. Your original characters have dimension and nuances that any writer would aspire to.
I would caution you to watch tense shifts in the story: past to present and such. It does not happen as often as in the earlier drafts, but once in a while one slips in. You write in the present tense for the most part, which works in an interesting way.
For the story itself, the plot: I am hopelessly addicted. I have been curious for some time whose child is Merle's "obligation child". Also, how Van did not notice a disappearance and/or pregnancy on her part. I'm not sure it could be before they knew each other, as Merle was around from the time they were like 4 and 5. But I suppose she had to go away for training. Was she chosen for the position after living with the Fanels, or had she been placed there from the time she was young? All these questions running around in my head. Lol, I get like that over all good stories though, so I hope you forgive my ramblings.
I like the portrayal of the original characters as well, in particular Eries and Allen. I've always thought Eries needed more explaining, that her backstory was probably just as interesting as everyone else's.
Anyway, I look forward to your next update (hopefully soon!). I notice you haven't since April... take heart, you have readers who enjoy your writing and await eagerly and anxiously for the next installment.
Cheers!
~Kae |
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