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Reviews For: Cross my Heart

kate
2004-06-24
ch 3, anon.
abuseHey Ela... I'm reviewing your story just like you ased, and I hope that you can take constructive criticisms. I know that you're open minded and such, so here goes.

About cloned Chidori, you shouldn't have given it away so early in the story. It would have been nice to build up the mystery and keep the readers guessing about her, don't you think?

And you have some sentences that should have been split into two, but are instead one long sentence. I dunno if that's relevant, but I wanted you to know what I think. And don't put author's notes in between the story, coz it ruins the mood a bit.

Oh, before I forget, those words that you kind of elongate, like "Toya..." or "Aya..." or even lots of those exclamation marks, they are a little annoying. Remember the saying that a little is good but too much is bad, or something like that? That little adage would be quite useful.

And try to work on the grammar and spelling. I know that I might seem like a perfectionist to you but I think that it would make your story easier and more enjoyable to read.

Despite all that, I think that you have a very good plot. It's good to know that there are still writers who really think about their storyline seriously, for the sake of delivering a good and enjoyable fic for the readers out there. I liked your fic, and I hope you continue to write more. And if you need someone to throw ideas around with, I'll be here. I also need someone to that with, lolz. Update soon, okay? TTFN! Ü
Patick
2004-05-13
ch 3, anon.
abuseI think that this story is great and the person who is writing these should continue to create these stories. I liked this story because I really like the Ayashi no Ceres books and it is nice to know what happens after Ceres and Shiso(?) goes to heaven and C-Project is destroyed along with Kagami Mikage.
whiteangelguardian
2004-05-04
ch 3,
abuseoh...chidori and miku being a tennyo...interesting!! but the only thing bad about it is that toya died...aww...how can u let such a gorgeous person die?!? haha lol that was my opinion! anyways upload soon!
Sarcastic Angel
2003-05-13
ch 1,
abuseEi... it's a good fic but chidori living? I don't think it would work out... sorry...I'm Aya x Yuuhi fan...
blissful trinity
2003-05-11
ch 2,
abuseomg! what is yuuhi going to do?! he has both chidori and aya then..that;s not going to be good..two people that he loves? i wonder how it goes?! more chappies!
Lee-SenRu
2003-05-07
ch 1,
abuseI love Tooya and I know he's gonna die because he gave the manna to Aya... It's so sad that he has to die! I think I'm gonna work on a story about him not dying! But your story is kind of good... Keep on writing!
GothicFAED
2003-03-29
ch 1,
abuseVery nice...
I love Ceres so much!
It's like the best...and Toya...I wub Toya! >< he died...

Am I the only who notices that he...gets hit by cars...farr too often...

I'll be writing a Ceres fic soon...
But mine will be about Ceres...before she met Mikage...

It's coming out pretty nice...then again, I've only got 3 paragraphs...and began to write a new fic...one about RENT...I shall call it...um...LOAN! MWAHAHAHAHA

If you like Bebop, read my fic "Phantoms Of A Lost Tomorrow"...there are some other cute and funny things up...but that's by far the best of the bunch...

-Li
GothicFAED
2003-03-29
ch 1,
abuseVery nice...
I love Ceres so much!
It's like the best...and Toya...I wub Toya! >< he died...

Am I the only who notices that he...gets hit by cars...farr too often...

I'll be writing a Ceres fic soon...
But mine will be about Ceres...before she met Mikage...

It's coming out pretty nice...then again, I've only got 3 paragraphs...and began to write a new fic...one about RENT...I shall call it...um...LOAN! MWAHAHAHAHA

If you like Bebop, read my fic "Phantoms Of A Lost Tomorrow"...there are some other cute and funny things up...but that's by far the best of the bunch...

-Li
Angel-Fergie
2003-03-29
ch 1,
abuse*wipes away tears* this is such a sad chapter! Toya's dead and now Aya's trying to kill herself! *SNIFFS* This is a really really good chapter! Better than my story I wrote on Ceres! Bravo! Keep up the good work!
Whitesiren
2003-03-28
ch 1,
abuseOh no! did she commit suicide or soemthin? I pity their daughter! write mroe!
kawaii shugotenshi
2003-03-27
ch 1, anon.
abuseAww...I love this fanfic, so sad T.T...please continue...
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