|Reviews for Walking Amongst Strangers|
| Nik 4/1/03 . chapter 2
Good fic so far Tanky! I especially like Axl's attitude towards drinking! Why do the Holy Order want Shackler? Keep writing.
| Asuka 3/31/03 . chapter 2
Hmm... like Zeronova, I've got a beef with the time thing. If this is set 150 years after the Crusades, none of the cast from the game would be alive save for Sol, Testament and Dizzy. Maybe Axl, since he jumps time so often.
Also, legal drinking age in Ireland is eighteen years old, but that's a minor detail. I like your OC; he's quite realistic. Very well written fight scene, also.
This reminds me to update my own fic. X_X
| Person With Many Aliases 3/31/03 . chapter 2
Nah, don't worry about the action scene. you wrote that well enough, as long as the reader can basicly tell whats going on, you'll be fine. nice fic, I'd like to see this updated soon
| Zeronova 3/31/03 . chapter 2
Uh...you got some huge problems. If you said that Ireland was secluded for 150 years, right? So this is after that 150 years, I believe. Well, the Seikishidan was dispelled after the 100 year long Crusades. 5 years later, they were having a tournament for the second Seikishidan, but it was a front to Ressurect Justice. Just a bit of info. Also, you introduced a few more new characters, not much of an issue if they have a meaning in the story, but if they don't, well, it's not very good to just throw in a lot of names. Another thing is you should REALLY check out your story. Read it over probably. You left out nearly 4 or 5 countable places of a start and ending of quotation marks. Thirdly, in the fight scene, you use proper nouns to much. You can say "he" or use a describing word that re-occurs. Such as if you read a real book, they don't always say he or the actual character's name. Some short little description that you use again and again could be used also to define them. A lot of people use these (point in case, in Kaiser's DB, BS, he calls Dizzy "a cerulean haired girl", which he uses in place of her name or she a lot). Anyway, besides that, besides the inconsistency in timeline and the inconsistency that April, Johnny, the entire Jellyfish Pirates ship would still be flying after 150 years with a 60 year old crew is kinda...odd. But, overall, the chapter was good. Descriptions were fine, flowing was also, it's just the huge inconsistencies.
| Tumbleweed 3/29/03 . chapter 1
Not a bad fic- I've read, far, far worse unfortunately. Somewhat interesting, none the less.
However, it strikes me that you're starting off almost on the wrong foot- starting with the Author's note, for one. You just come off as far too confrontational, which in turn makes us readers a little wary. I mean, I doubt a book that said 'Piss off to you, crap for brains!' would get many readers. Or maybe it would, just for shock value. Eh.
And about the italic backstory stuff...it's nice to see that you cooked up a nifty background for the story. However, it lacks 'flair'. Pizzaz. Zang. Opening up with a little bit of a decription and a history...lacks this. Then again, the story itself seems to reflect a generally 'easygoing' pace. Though the whole 'bullets in the motor' bit makes things sorta ominous. Guess I'm just a sucker for things that go 'kablooey'
And on the subject of OC's- they're fine, if done correctly. It's just that I personally prefer to use my original characters in, well...Original works. Guess that's what is for :) And Rufus seems to be fairly alright; let's just make sure he doesn't turn into a blatant bit of twinkorific character insertion or anything of the sort.
So...yeah. Not a bad start. And Asuka, seems that you're even stealing some of my zany refrences. Don't make me come over there!
| Shamgi 3/29/03 . chapter 1
This is real nice. I like the Postwar Management Bureau start up, I actually thought of doing it myself. Your character is well thought out from my point of view, his actions and words show just how deep his is. The Axl thing is fairly srange, I think I know where you're going with it(generally) but I might have no idea, which always makes a great story. Keep it up.
| TheArchimage 3/28/03 . chapter 1
You've got a good grip on Axl... his time-slip in mid-conversation is interesting, if odd, and how he knew Shackler's question before he asked it was a great touch. I hope he continues to be in the story for a while. The politics are quite interesting and well thought-out as well, and create an interesting setting.
This is an excellent story, and I await to see what Shackler is capable of. Please continue!
| anjimito 3/28/03 . chapter 1
Interesting so far... wonder what Shackler's capabilities are...
Question about something: when Shackler turns around and sees that Axl looks different (cut on cheek, worn clothes, etc), I'm guessing you're hinting that Axl just did a time flip there?
| NoiseTank13 3/27/03 . chapter 1
I normally do not do this, but things change I suppose.
"I stopped before I could get to the real story. Why? You'll telling me too much. Have you heard show, don't tell?"
No, I do not believe I have, really. I'm telling you too much? History is too much? Backdrop, a little "411” is too much? The heck?
"Every writer should follow this. Show me how things work,"
Hell, if every writer followed a certain rule, or code, that would be disastrous, writing in general would be boring. It’s called variety. Stephen King did not exactly base all of his writings on “The Prince” by Nicholas Machiavelli, he didn’t even come close to that. I don’t know why you are talking about this matter, you and I have both different writing styles, but I didn’t jump down your throat because of some petty little thing like you are doing.
“don't tell me how things work.”
Yeah, and leave some readers confused? Granted, some obscurity is nice, but when it leaves the majority baffled reading, then they won’t much like it.
“If this was a first person narration, maybe, but that was a rocky start. I stopped after the italic narration. You lost me, not in confusion, but bad writing. I'm not saying this to be mean, but in my honesty.”
Your honesty is much appreciated, I just worry about how honest your honesty was. Bad writing? Did you have to call it that? There are many bad fics on , and many good ones. I myself do not profess myself to a professional ANYTHING here, but when I see a story obviously written by a kindergartener, and have a few people review and laugh at it, my writing looks like J.K Rowlings. Don’t call it bad writing simply because the style I am writing is different.
“I suggest getting straight to the story, have a great hook, and explain things as the story unfolds. How a character looks, behaves, how his environment is, and how others preserve him should be explained not by telling the audience.
I suggest editing out the narration's.”
Jesus, dude, your acting like I spilled out the entire story at the end of this chapter, and acting like this is a one chapter story. It’s the beginning, not middle, of the story. Again, it is a matter of style. I didn’t much appreciate this criticism on something so petty. If I did something awfully wrong, like Faust marrying Sol, then by all means, criticise me. Just do not criticise me on something so idiotic as this.
| Talon Harvilicz 3/27/03 . chapter 1
I stopped before I could get to the real story. Why? You'll telling me too much. Have you heard show, don't tell? Every writer should follow this. Show me how things work, don't tell me how things work. If this was a first person narration, maybe, but that was a rocky start. I stopped after the italic narration. You lost me, not in confusion, but bad writing. I'm not saying this to be mean, but in my honesty.
I suggest getting straight to the story, have a great hook, and explain things as the story unfolds. How a character looks, behaves, how his environment is, and how others preseve him should be explained not by telling the audience.
I suggest editing out the narrations.
| Zeronova 3/26/03 . chapter 1
Well, I guess I can say I genuinely liked this. There aren't many stories that grab my attention and I do like (trust me, if you've been here for a couple of months, you'll know that), but I have to say, I did like your story. The fact that you had a Fan-Created doesn't bother me a bit (Kaiser even mentioned my character, Quint Darton). I think your character has a good amount of depth and such. Except one thing bothered me: 6'4" and 124 Pounds? That's like fucking inhumanly thin! Not a gripe, just odd. Anyway, a little bit of inconsistency. The Crusades ended a hundred years after they started, 2173 (it's a little debatable, but it IS in the 2170's range) and you said Ireland closed itself for 150 years, which would put Axl in the old-fogey area. Or unless he jumped 50 years in the future again. But, anyway, you gave your character a decent amount of realism, and I feel so parched that there are so few people who actually realize and treat the Crusades like it was a war, politically and physically. So, that's also good. I love hearing about politics and the like, so the talk of Ireland's factions and such was just great for me (I know it's weird, but I love politics). Anyway, this would be a nice story to continue, and Kaiser is right, there IS a deficit of Axl stories. Well, as far as it goes in grammar, I found it fairly if not nearly perfect. It looks like you got a good beginning, but don't let that be it all. (Hint: Write more)
| Kaiser Ryouga II 3/26/03 . chapter 1
I quite liked that actually. It's nice to have some original characters in a GG fic these days, a man can't satiate his needs on Kira and Quint alone. _
On to the story. It was well written, and even though I live in London, I know very little about the IRA, so it would be nice to learn a bit more from this fic. But I do have one tiny, little request...
Please, please, PLEASE make Axl have a bigger role in this story. There is a big lack of Axl fiction around. I'd do an Axl fic myself, but somehow it would turn into an Axl/Megumi kinda thing.
Anyways, good work and keep going!
| Asuka 3/26/03 . chapter 1
...okay, I'm -really- rattled by the history and the setting, but not because I don't like it. In fact, it's quite good. I was working on, in-between "Juggernaut", on writing a Guilty Gear fic set in Northern Ireland with the IRA present as well and featuring one of its members - only there were some minute differences in what I wanted to do with the history. (They say write about what you know, and I know the area, so it was a natural conclusion.) _
I still might write it, but it's slightly eerie to know someone was on the same wavelength.
As for original characters, there's nothing wrong with them, and having one does not automatically make your story crap. If you were making Axl a chorus girl from Tahiti or something there might be a problem, but otherwise? Ignore those sorts of reviews. You're doing this for your own amusement. OC's with a solid and plausible backstory, done well, can fit in beautifully with canon.
Now that I've said this I suppose I should actually review your fic. :P I like it, I'm interested. Write more, please!