   Minmei 2003-09-15 . chapter 1Hmm...well...
For a fanfic written on a whim, I thought it was pretty good. Truth be told, I saw this story a while back but was hesitant to read it...I'm not a fan of Sheena/Apple either but didn't want to see Shu's character completely bastardized--in more ways than one. But once I got over my ignorance, I gave it a look. And I found that despite you making him the 'culprit,' you also made his character...well, 'Human.' He -did- make a mistake, but there were reasons for it. Maybe it was because we all had some background info, and maybe I'm a total sap, but I think this worked quite well. I'm not a huge fan of songfics, but the lyrics seemed to fit, and the emotions were all there. (And speaking of the song, I've never heard Craig David's version...but the original was in my head as well as Boyz II Men's variation 'Human II'...go figure O_o)
I couldn't find any errors as far as grammar goes. I know it was a dramatic/angsty kind of story, though it could've used just a tad less punctuation, hehe...granted, I don't know the official rules...but I think using more than two exclamation points is excessive, and a single question mark followed by a single exclamation point is fine for completing questions of a shouting or demanding nature. Errh...if that makes any sense.
Somewhat unrelated...but if it were a toss-up between Shu and Sheena, I'd put my money on Sheena having been the gal's hubby. If this turns out a safe bet...at least she's no longer with him. (And anything could have happened afterward...at least until Konami says it didn't. =P) |
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