hey great story loved it cant wait to read the rest love
good bye 2004 hello 2005

its good, but you have spacing, spelling and grammer mistakes. You may want to fix it.
Exellent job though ^_^.
Smiles-Hugs,
Gwuinivyre

i love your story, espacially the van-merle idea. the hitomi-van thing is qiute old i think
however could you like split your story up into paragraphs? it's easier to read that way

omg! I love your fist chapter tho I wish you'd put a sequel to it, like what happens when hitomi get's pregnant and stuff, the seconds cool but I just like the fist better ^^

please for the love of god! put this into paragraphs cause there is no excuse for this. when you do that then i will read this.

Very long but very good nonetheless! Awsome keep up the good work!

Oh such and interesting story! Keep up the good work! I like this! HEHE