In my humble opinion, your experiment turned out really well! Good work, enjoyable and touching at the same time! You chose just the right fragments, giving your readers just enough information to set their imagination working. Liked it!

I like the fragment story.

"It's covered in baby ducks, Remus."

Awesome.

Beautiful. I'm growing into a big fan of yours. I try this kind of style myself sometimes, but I think I never manage to get it this... erm... dense? You seem to distill the essence. Touching, by the way.

I think this was a really good way of writing! A little hard sometimes to understand who did or said what, but besides that, a really good story! It would be nice to read more like this!

Isabel

This is very effective! I especially love the snippet where Remus makes the bed with the baby ducks, and the one immediately after that, about the "little things." You really manage to say a lot with very few words.

I think it works well for short stories, but possibly not for a longer one.

breathtaking-

I'll have you know that i don't compliment easily either. I have purposely been avoiding non-MMWP era Remus/Sirius, but I think that your story may have been just the thing to ease me in to it.

It is so angsty, yet right. I hate fluff. No, that is too strong of a word. I dislike un-necessary fluff. Remus/Sirius would not and could never be an easy relationship and you portray the underlying feelings of initial discomfort, isolation, and confusion that each character must be feeling at this time.

Your subtle hints at the past give the story dimennsion as well as color. Also, the was you tie the beginning and the end of the story together with the familiar and yet alien image of the black dog and the man is brilliant and brings the piece full circuit seamlessly.

Have you ever read Monsoon Season, by Aja? Aja writes this Harry/Draco piece in a similar style. It's written in slices, though not necessarily in chronological order as yours is. If you haven't read this, I would strongy recommend it. I found it on the site, Aversion to Light. Here is a direct link to her the story:

?ficat:/authors/aja/MS.html

Well, thanks for writing and please continue!

-FlamencoPenguin

It's my first time seeing a story written in this format. You've developed the characters well and the slash seems realistic. Loverly job! _

Amrun

I think it works very well. I was wondering about something like this but between Sirius and Bellatrix, their life as a family until his "final" moment...no shipper intended.
Frini

The plot of this story is, well, not entirely original, but you execute it very well. You're good at this style of writing. I think it worked well because: 1) There were only the two characters to keep track of, 2) you described them instead of naming them (but we knew who they were), and 3) you mixed humor and friendship and romance so nicely. The mirror of the first and last snapshot is nice, too.

I definitely like this style of writing - it tells the story clearly, again, without adding too much unnecessary description. I like how I could read it quickly in five minutes, but the story didn't seem at all incomplete or fragmented.

RSA

I loved this story. The bare-bones feel is very...hard to describe...you're showing rather than telling. However, I admit that I like detail too; at least more than in this fic. Sometimes detail shows the story too. Great job.

Hmm...telling a story in fragments...well, I do get the general idea of what it is about, but...

It would be cooler if there was more detail, you know?

But, for this story, it works. Really. I like the idea.

Nice domestic look at their summer together and the difficulties they had too. It makes me happy and reminds me to appreciate the little things my husband does. Some good implications about their occasional discomfort including nightmares.

A very beautiful story. Evocative, thoughtful. Pulls emotions out of the reader's chest. Thank you for writing it.