Reviews for Azury's Curse - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Azury's Curse - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Antithesis 2004-09-28 ch 3,	abuseThis is a nice beginning. I liked how you set up Azury's character with Shiver noticing his scent. Some of the scenes seem a little forced (like Shiver abruptly mentioning that she (I'm assuming it's a she) was "attracted" to Azury) but overall this seems at least halfway original. Which is good when you're talking about pokémon. :-)
EviAlaris 2003-09-30 ch 3,	abuseThe stars blazed pure white against endless black, and the scenery around us held that kind of blackness that is just on the edge of colour. Now that ^ is some great description. I absolutely loved that line. Write more stuff like that please! It's amamzing what you can do, but you just don't seem to often enough. I've been advised to rewrite everything apart from the absolutely spot-on bits until the whole chapter is perfect. Make sure you get paragraphs to flow well, and also try not to start lots of sentances in a row with the same word. I saw that Azury had moved. [He stood over by a tree. He stood motionless for a moment, and then turned and moved away with a very strange walk, a kind of rocking, gliding movement that didn’t seem to fit his bones.] It was weird. I followed him. I know that wasn't lots of He s in a row, but you could have blanded those two sentances together to make it run more smoothly. Other than that, I'm still pretty impressed. A Vaporeon, eh? Nice idea. Carry it out well please! ~Blade-chan
EviAlaris 2003-09-30 ch 2,	abuseHm, still good, but d'ya think you could make the chapters a little longer? It might take longer to post, I know, but to write a good chapter you've got to write until you realy get into the flow... and then it tends to come out perfectly, or so I've found. Anyway, even more interesting developements with Azury! The way he's walking is well described (as well as erasing a few of my ideas as to just what is up with him) and adds even more intrigue to the plot. However, I think you should work a little harder on the descriptions of Sneasel's feelings. You say she thinks Gina is going to be doomed if she falls in love with Azury, but you haven't entirely said why. Is it a sick feeling at the bottom of her stomach? A twitch in the back of her mind? Just plain suspicion (have a go at describing how she pieces together evidence in her mind, this will add to the general feeling f having the story told by a character)? Either way, you're doing quite well and I'd like to see more... ::gances over her shoulder:: But the evil mother is ordering me to bed so I gotta go! (and no, I'm not a goodie goodie! I've just got an allowance to earn!) ~Blade-chan
EviAlaris 2003-09-30 ch 1,	abuseInteresting beginning. The way you're writing really sounds like a Pokemon's thoughts, not something I've seen in many other fics. And I like this Azury guy, an interesting twist with his scent. I've got plenty of ideas as to what's with that, but reading is better! So I'd better read, huh? But if I don't review don't take it personally, it's just that I don't want to be one of them idiots who just says 'very good. write more.' It annoys me. -_-' Okay, so that was just a weird thing to mention but nandemo... ~Blade-chan
WildTotodile 2003-09-27 ch 3, anon.	abusePlease tell us more about the curse Azury is under!
Mabgath 2003-04-30 ch 3,	abuseOh, I like this. tries to be slightly more constructive Telling it from the Pokémon's point of view is interesting, because not many authors do that. Sneasel are spiffy. So are Vaporeon - ah, such a purdyful colour. And a really random comment: Miss Black Dragon, you've got a March the twenty-fifth birthday? Mine's on March the twenty-sixth. grins Hmm, I think that this review is becoming incoherent. I'll be going now. Hope to see an update soon! curses on evil, evil exams, which I've got next week
Lobo Kendo 2003-04-29 ch 3,	abuseWow, I didn't know Haunter could do that. But, whatever, another excellent chapter in a story that I am sure will trump even your previous masterworks. By the way, I just started another Pokemon fanfic myself. You can find Moonlight Sonata in my profile, I'm sure. End of shameless prop.
Lobo Kendo 2003-04-29 ch 1,	abuseI hope I didn't miss to much of this, Morbane. So far it is really very good. I'm enjoying the suspence and even more so, I enjoy Sneasel. They're funny.
When the Morning Dew Falls 2003-04-27 ch 3,	abuse? This was ok...I find it much too short. Next chapter? ~~The Duke of Briarcliffe~*
When the Morning Dew Falls 2003-04-27 ch 2,	abuseI hope that this picks up more in the next few chapters. Nothing has just really popped out at me and it's losing some of that interest from the first chapter. It seems to be lacking something. Off to see the next chapter. ~~The Duke of Briarcliffe~*
When the Morning Dew Falls 2003-04-27 ch 1,	abuseThis is interesting...I guess that Azury is one of those Pokémorphs that are oh-so-popular these days of Fanfiction.net. Off to the next chapter. ~~The Duke of Briarcliffe~*
Lady Barbara 2003-04-27 ch 3,	abuseI always look forward to reading your stories. Writing from a Pokémon's POV has been done, but you manage to create memorable characters (such as Azury in this fic) and have a knack for detail. I'll be checking for updates.
Poison Dusk 2003-04-27 ch 3,	abuseI liked the twist at the end of that chapter, hope the next one comes soon.
Book Worm 4.0 2003-04-26 ch 3,	abuseGreat! ^_^
Miss Black Dragon 2003-04-26 ch 3,	abusegrins at the 'raising eyebrow' thing I can't raise one eyebrow without looking completely ridiculous! No fair.. Azury is amazingly FRIENDLY. I'm just glad that he's not using three syllable adjectives. Otherwise he would probably end up like smallest_star. shudders On that note, I've realized who/what smallest_star reminds me of. THE DENTIST. shudders No, seriously, we've got the community dentist trailer thingy at our school, and the two dentists in there are amazingly GUSHY. I think I've told you about them. I'm also amazed by how quickly Shiver is trusting Azury - that's awfully quick, but then again, it is the Trusting World of Pokémon. Hey, wouldn't it be funny if he turned out to be some kind of evil Vaporeon? cracks up

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