that should have been one chapter but it was good im a Ev fan to! wOOt

short

Well, the idea is good, and I don't wanna flame anyone, but...

First of..."Aye aye"? I don't think so. Cliches don't work in to well with sci fi and fantasy stories.

Secondly, you know the return and tab keys on your keyboard? USE THEM! I think I learned when to use paragraphs in second grade. Surely you did too.

And last, but not least...well, actually, it is least. Corellian Frigate? That's Star Wars, buddy, not EV.

Well, there's my two cents. Or five cents. Or a quarter...

Can't wait to read more. Is this based on a plugin?

I'd love to read you do something on the GS plugin too... ;)

ay

Ok, first off, since you're just starting out, I'd like to point out that it's easier for the reader to read if the paragraphs are staggered and not in one big block.

Good part is you know how to use dialogue. Keep it up. Time can only make you a better author.