after he got so far.

[before he got too far?]

Okay yeah that does suck . . . bite me!

[Lame breaking of the fourth wall]

is he rich?" Nabiatrix asked.

"If he can afford to dress so badly, he must be." Kasumian noted.

[Points 2]

"So women cant be fighters

[can’t]

"It is a complicated story."

"Then don't tell it." Ryoga said.

[Points 1]

Chapter 2

Baka!" That could

[Unnecessary Japanese]

My to my highly trained

[To my]

probably be to hard

[too]

that it wont have

[won’t]

your question-Looser!"

[There’s a difference between “loose” (not tightly connected) and “lose” (for something to slip away)]

you two insane crazy women

[Repetition]

The girls took turns slapping him.

[For how long…?]

that's the Castle Anthrax!"

[There’s only 150 of them]

my name is Ukygowain,

[How awkward]

Chapter 3

(Yes, yes I *would

[I know corny jokes may be funny, but try to avoid parentheticals and breaking the fourth wall with mid-chapter ANs. They look bad in narrative]

Chapter 4

a fighter what was

[fighter,]

saw Sir. Ryoga

[Superfluous period]

a church quire sang

[choir]

lunged for the wizard screaming. "I'm just joking

[The narrative indicates that “Arkane” is screaming that she’s joking. I think adding some narrative indicating “Happerlin” fleeing in panic or dodging or something would help the scene]

Chapter 5

little Perfume just grew breast.”

[Missing plural indicator]

Kasumian as well, the three ran around

[Repetition – you already named them, then referring again to them (the three) is superfluous]

you don’t...need wife

[a wife]

I cant do it

[can’t]

Well, that was rather amusing.

Heh heh! Oh, this was so funny! I giggled quite a bit. The weird formatting was annoying, tho. I hope you have fixed it in the sequel.

It's hard to write a really good, funny piece. Kudos!

well that was fun though it sucked for ryoga... he's still P-chan... he still directionless... and you made him stupid...(sometimes...) well okay he's naive but not stupid... anyway THIS is a fanfiction... so its ok...Bside... exept for that fact i liked your fics... hehe i think i'll read the next one... see ya!

from the self-philosopher, talantus

" life is like a lasagna of dirt... you just have to choose the level you want" ( i know its a pessimistic way to see life... but its the only one i could come up right now...)

Hahaa!
A... nothing justifies procrastination like a good fanfic. Very amusing!
-
The palace itself shook, Sounthur groaned. “G-guards?

That was hilarious, a little jumpy in plot but fun. I especially loved the names. _

this isn't really a review, but HOW COULD THEY TAKE CHARLOTTES WEB OFF THE SITE? I was almost done, too . hmmf. i sympathize with you, my story got kicked off, too.

i was wondering when you were gonna give ukyo a neat little midievel name... actually, her's kinda sucks. i wonder what you're gonna name shampoo! -

I sill say poor, poor, ryoga

poor, poor, ryoga

slightly disturbing... but all in all a good piece. this should definately be interesting if nothing else. oh, and i happen to like the new names; especially nabiki's-

I love your story. Finally a story about Ryoga. I have a question though. Did you use some of Monty Python: Quest for the Holy Grail? But just a question. Anyways, love the story. I hope you get a new chapter very soon. Hope the next chapter involves the meeting and even slaying of Ranma!

ChesireCat354

*Shakes head* Too too funny, especially the names...Nabiatrix? Crazy author. _

Well I'll give you points for originality and then some cause it was a fun read