Right... the story is moving just a LITTLE to fast for my taste... And I'm a speed reader by natire (and it's downright CREEPY, let me tell you...) the word usage is slightly off... you ought to flip through the books again, or simply watch the movies...

Also, when Gimli was offering his condolences, it should have been 'avenged', not revenge...

But it is a somewhat fascinating story.

im curious continue plz. . . .i also like the story line

Very well writen.Is chapter 5 the last chapter?

how sweet! oh do keep writing. :) love to read more.
Brenda

I noticed that you started out in the very beginning showing that eowyn and legolas have a child (daughter) but then you jump into the next chapter not forgetting about her. I was confused at first but now that I look back I understand what you were trying to do. If I understand correctly you should put something to show the pact, future. like for example if your showing a scene from the future. when you start off again next chapter going back in time you can say something like ~flash back~ (if it's one scene only usually, or *one, two (however ever long it was) years ago* just thought I'd help so you can make it less confusing because I think it's a good story. :)
Brenda

oh...this is good. This shows great promise. I do hope you continue it. I'd surely read more. Keep writing... :)
Brenda

Aw... How cute... Update soon!

i've never read l/e. this one is okay; the writing style and grammar could both use a good deal of improvement. many of the same mistakes are made in this story and your pirates of the caribbean story. (i reviewed that one too, under my friend's username "kiwikendra").

my two major concerns are:
1. this story moves a little fast. i mean, i know that legolas has loved eowyn for a long or whatever, but i just don't get that feeling of intense passion. you might try adding more character thoughts and taking out some dialogue.
2. where do you want this to go? i can't see a legolas/eowyn marriage--and would a daughter born to them be elvish? just wondering.

their are a lot of good betas out there. it would be a good idea to get one.

all in all, this story is refreshing after all those legolas/oc. keep writing, you'll see continued improvement.

Umm... What happened to her daughter? The one that Legolas fathered? And there's something else I don't quite understand. "Eowyn was the direct descendant of Gaenor and her elven lover. Of course she was also related to Gaenor's husband the King of Gondor." How could she be related to both Gaenor's elven lover and Gaenor's proper husband? Either one or the other, yes. Both, impossible. This has some plotholes.

Hi!

This story is really very touching. I like the pairing and the description of their relationship is lovely and I may say "in character". I hope to read more very soon.

Andrea

WOW. That was good. Please keep it up. I like this story so much.

please continue

I really like the story line. But I think you write too quick. Take note of the tense you're writing in and do not change it within two sentences. Maybe you would like to have a B-reader on this. This kind of things happen when you write creatively. What works for me too: type a chapter. Leave it completely for about a week (don't even peek). Reread it after that: you'll have a fresh look at it and see somethings you might have overlooked.
Also: slow down! Make their dialogue longer. Some pieces are really beautiful like the sentence: 'If Mirkwood is the cause of your un...'
Good luck
Greetings from Holland.

Aw, yet again a nice chapter. You have to write more, I'm dieing to know the rest, and what her answer is. And what's to come!

Though I'm not overly keen on Legolas/Éowyn romances, this story has some potential. Here are some points to keep in mind:

1) Spelling. Be careful with this. It's not "Ithilium". It's "Ithilien". Eowyn also has an accent as such: Éowyn. There were some other basic spelling errors that a good beta-reader would find.

2) Grammar. You switch tenses everywhere. Pick one and stay with it. You also have some problems with quotation punctuation. Allow me to demonstrate:

"Legolas, I didn't hear you come." Eowyn said uncomfortably.

Should be:

"Legolas, I didn't hear you come," Eowyn said uncomfortably.

Use a comma everytime a quote would normally end with a period but you've added a description of who is talking. You wouldn't use one in this sentence:

"Legolas, I didn't hear you come." Éowyn was uncomfortable that he had come to speak with her.

You've also got some wrong diction and word usage. Again, a good beta-reader will catch these mistakes.

3) Canon. Mirkwood was renamed to Eryn Lasgalen after the War. The "Palace of Minas Tirith" is called the Citadel. Also, I see you've introduced some new history to Middle-Earth, which is fine. But you should know that, to the best of my knowledge, Éowyn has no Elvish blood.

Faramir and Éowyn do have a son, one named Elboron. It might be a good idea to include him in the two sons that have died.

More importantly, though, I think you're walking down a perilous road. Legolas is a full-blooded Silvan/Sindar Elf. He can't sacrifice his immortality. He can't choose to live a mortal life. That ability is reserved for the family of Elrond alone (ie, Arwen). He can't decide to spend a mortal life with Éowyn, no matter how much he loves her.

Also, they most likely don't have "godparents" as we know them in Middle-Earth.

4) Characters. You've done a pretty good job with this, but there are a few poor spots. You are, of course, entitled to your own opinions about characters, but Legolas is a prince. When the King summons a prince, the prince goes. I don't think he'd decide to ignore his father, at least not so simply.

I'm glad you're not rushing their relationship. Good romance takes time. I'd try adding a bit more flare to your writing. Add description, and let emotion and sensations draw the reader into a scene. It really adds to a work.

Sorry for the length of this critique. I hope it helps you!