hey again!

we! updated chapters. sorry it's taken me so long to review, my computer wasn't working so well.
here i go:
chapter 6:
the explanation of how lupin was able to apparate into the house was very wordy. i would try and work on that.
the description of the how nervous lightning was is very good, i myself have two dogs and i know how it is!

i like how you described mrs.figg,the whole blushing thing was very good.

i did not like the whole conversatoin about spanish. being a wizard in a high position, Arthur would deffinetly know wizards form other countries, and england being so close to spain, i would think that he would know about it.





in chapter 7, you say "the three witches and wizards who single handedly" that doesnt quite make sense, unless you are talking about one witch or wizard. i just found that part disruptive.
in this sentence: "The voices of Harry’s past haunted him that night to form recurring images of his past." i would just leave it at that night. the rest of the sentence doesnt flow, we understand you are talking about dreams, and i find that if you clip off the end of that sentence, it may have more of an impact on the reader.
in this sentence: "Even Lightning began to become less enthusiastic about things such as eating. Dark shadows began to appear under his eyes" i would specify whose eyes you are talking about.
the part where mrs.weasley is saying goodbye to hermonie was a little awkward. i think she would have known that hermonie would help ginny even if she didnt ask. so maybe something like "i know you'll help out ginny" or something. it might even be better left unsaid.

Chapter 8:

interesting...snape on the train? and mcgonnagal too? hm
can you disapparate on trains? or at least the hogwarts express? i would think it's protected...but then again, since nothing has been said about it in the books, fanfiction's all fair game ;)
i can't wait to see what else you do with the story, i'll try and review faster next time!
im very interested in the students reaction to this acusation, because you know how fast word spreads in schools.

keep it up!
-saya

Grr.. Malfoy is such a jerk! And so is Amos Diggory! Thinking that Hermione had conjured the Mark.. the nerve!

Can't wait till they get to Hogwarts! That'll be fun!

Keep up the great writing, and update soon! More, please?

Shinigami06

Aww..shucks. Thanks for mentioning me. I really do love the story!

I liked how you made Harry start to get depressed by the content of the dreams he is getting. And how you did that seemed very realistic.

Keep up the great work!!

Shinigami06

Oh my!! That was hilarious!! I really loved that chapter! Mr. Weasley was really funny in it. "Hey look! A micrometer!" That was great. He's like a little kid. Obsessed with everything.

I just have one question/comment/criticsm thing. You know that Mrs. Figg is a squib, right? Because it looked like you may have made her a flaky witch when she couldn't clean up the mess with her wand. Just wanted to tell you that.

Keep up the great work!!

Shinigami06

oh no! dont stop now! pretty plz...with sugar and honey on the side...more more more

o glad you updated. we!

first off, the critique.

- you may want to consider using other words for the other harry, such as "mirror image" or something. saying the other too much gets annoying.
-same thing goes for the name "dudley" you overused it alot during the dream sequence.
-forgive me, since i am writing this as i read the chapter and i must sound redundent, but there are deffinetly several areas i would try changing certain words so that you dont repeat yourself so much, it inteferes with the sentence.



i really thought the dream was a neat idea. im curious to see if it's to do with voldermort, and if it is, did it really happen? it would be neat if that was actually happening, and dudley would be, and excuse my french, scared shitless.

pensive idea is still cool, and im glad he still has guilt.

i loved sirius..::sniff...sob:

yay another chapter is after this, i shall go read!

-saya

OOh! I'm really liking this fic. Now Lightning is there with Harry, maybe we'll be finding some more things out (did that make any sense, cuz I was just rambling...)

Poor Harry. He just never catches a break. But, that's what I love. I'm such a sadist...;)

Keep up the great work, and update soon! More, please?

Shinigami06

OOh! Another great chapter! I'm really liking this story. And I love the dog. That was really an evil place to end. Bad bad LilyoftheValley!!

Keep up the great work, and update soon!!

Shinigami06

Hey!

i like the idea of the sirius black card, it was a cool thing oflupin to do. Byt he way, Lupin seems to be very much in character right now. good job :)
hm, a pensive? i only hope that harry learns how to get out of it this time. he has a knack for falling into them and not being able to get out.
i wonder what's up with hermonie?
o lightening's here again isnt he?

the whole dementors attacking muggles thing was a bit repetitive, with three characters repeating it. i think you should change the wording a bit, maybe have ron say "did you hear about the muggle attacks?" or something along those lines. the characters repeating the same line like that sounds very unlikely.

keep writing! i wanna know what happens!

-Saya

great story, please update soon

I liked this chapter! I wanna know more about Lightning. Are we gonna get more info? Loved the suprise party at the end! Keep up the great work, and update soon. More, please?

Shinigami06

hey there

you have a good story going so far, i am especially curious about lightning. i hope you dont mind if i just point out one or two things that bothered me. first off, harry seemed very unsurprised at the fact that lupin's head was in the fire. second, i think the transistion between privet drive and the burrow was way too fast. i think it would sound better if you expanded a bit more before rushing to the burrow.

all in all, im very interested in where this story goes.

keep writing!
Saya

Wow, great fic i enjoyed reading it i'm fealy bumbed that Sirius died.I like the dog factor to this and i think i know were this is going, unless your one of thouse people who all ways put things like that to through you of track.Ah still keep writing!
Arow
->

Really great start to the post OOtP fics! I'm so bummed that Sirius bit it. He was one of my favorite characters. But, hopefully, you can help rectify it, and make a good fic out of the stuff we now know (did that make any sense at all? just rambling i guess...) Keep up the great work, and update soon. More, please?

Shinigami06