As long as their OOCness is consistent, it's alright for a humor fic. As far as I can tell, you don't slip, you just have them like that all the time. That's okay...since it's humor.

Also (I notice this because someone busted me on it, and I haven't quite kicked the habit yet) Ivan ends a lot of dialogue with ellipses. They're not really necessary; I get by fine without them most of the time. (I had to go cold turkey on the habit. T.T) Otherwise your fic is fine.

How was Ivan reading the diary (to yell 'what?!') when his head was pinned beneath two pairs of booted feet?

thank you for posting another chapter. I almost forgot about this story.

Can't think of much to say, but this had some really great funny moments in it. Seems kinda like this chapter is more for building up to stuff, and if that's the case, it'll be cool to see what you have in store next.

Well met. It's good to see that you take advice. Well, they should have known that entry would show up... (Sigh) Has their intelligence really made a turn for the worse?

WOOT!

Since you have so politely asked (in the forums thread), I'll offer a free review. Beware, though - I tend to be rather stingy with my compliments, and conversely, heavy-handed with the concrit. The objective is hardly to coddle authors with meaningless, insipid adulation (in an unsubtle attempt to earn a faster update) - and as you have asked for reviews, I doubt that is your objective, either.

I'll admit that venturing into the world of comedic fics is a rare exploit of mine - what with a highly developed sense of cynicism, I can scarely appreciate facetiousness. Yet I have persisted with the entirety of your story - all nine chapters. Considering that I immediately abandon a fic by the first appearance of major aberrations (gratuitous mispelling, incorrect grammar, punctuation, unfluent narrative/dialogue etc.) that is truly a feat.

Your grasp of the English language is solid, and lends tangibility to the scenarios and interactions. This means it excludes the aforementioned flaws present in nearly every bad fanfic - adolescent tirades, as I'm more prone to calling them - in addition to a smooth, well-worded narrative. The superb ease with which one can follow the plot is also a points-scorer.

Characterization, however, is not fantastic. It appears you have often warped the canonical portrayals in lieu of inducing hilarity - which is effective in some cases, and infuriating in most. Your take on Ivan is one I especially am unable to digest.

In the game, he is depicted as a quiet, thoughtful boy, who shows a great deal of consideration towards those whom he respects. The generous dollop of mischievousness as is seen in many GS fanfics is largely due to fanon influence, and not at all pertinent to his actual demeanour. His brief masquerade as 'Sheba' reflects an underlying maliciousness (rather than the more savory mischievousness), as it bears the potential of unbalancing Sheba's and Felix's tentative relationship - not something which he, a Jupiter Adept, could ever claim ignorance!

Besides Ivan, Jenna's and Sheba's blatant disrespect for one of their comrades' privacy is positively mind-boggling. Chaos ensues in the diary's apparent absence, and all Jenna can think about is when she'd have the opportunity to uncover the juicier tidbits of Mia's life. After all those life-changing adventures upon which they learn the importance of courage and compassion have amounted to nothing, and all I witness is the de-evolution of once-heroes into squabbling buffoons.

If that truly is the intention of all humour fics - to describe in detail the vapid indulgences of purportedly respectable people-turned-drunkards - I may be put off them for life.

Cliches aside, the use of a diary as the presiding plot element is evidently not a well-conceived idea - judging by the extent in which you had to compromise characterization in order to extract the promised amusement. Not that your work is no longer salvageable - on the contrary, it is rather notable, having earned the number of reviews it has in this barely active fandom - but shifting gears more or less completely to romance (as you have intended) would be the best suggestion.

Bear in mind that I offered my opinion not in attempt to ridicule you - flames are for self-important incompetents who lack the ability to express their thoughts in a constructive manner - but to illustrate the strengths and weaknesses of your little tale. In a nutshell, keep the flowing narrative, alter your portrayal of the characters so as to maintain credibility, and bring in a fresh plot twist. Like Mia and Jenna getting trapped together from a cavefall or something, with Mia's diary still in the latter's pocket - I dunno.

Perhaps I have been too harsh - all I can hope for is that I haven't discouraged you too thoroughly, and that my words have inspired you instead to reach for the heights of literary mastery, making the necessary adjustments on the way. Or you could simply set this page alight and demand never to see neither hide nor hair of my unwelcoming self again. I would not object to either.

Just understand, correction is never gentle. You had been forewarned, after all.

An update for this story makes me super happy! I just love the madcap humor that you have going on here, and I'm interested for the romance stuff you say is coming up. It's great to see an older fic like this getting updated. I can't wait to read more!

ROFL! I love this story

Rofl!
My sister and I used to roleplay GS...whenever Ivan/Sheba would try to mind-read we would make them do that exact same thing, "ice cream ice cream ice cream sunny sunny yum yum yum!" etc...brought back memories for me. ;)

nice, there should be some Valeshipping... NO Mudshipping plz! and what were Ivan and Sheba doin in the room alone after Sheba kicked Felix out? :)

Oh yes... I think it has been so long that when you posted/reposted chapter eight I had forgotten what it was so I didn't read it. XD Then chapter nine came and I thought, "WHY IS THIS HERE?" so I investigated.

...And I got a nice bought of lol-ing in response to my investigation. :) Especially at Kraden's lone 'appearence'.

Though I'll be honest and say I still don't remember at lot of this, no offense. After all, it has been, as you said, four years. Although that doesn't mean I've forgotten Golden Sun, so everything's still funny... and I'm still waiting on some luffly mudshipping or something of the like. :)

Hopefully we won't have another wait for the next chapter that can be counted in years, no? :P

Yeah... The part with Sheba, Felix, and Ivan got kinda stale... But it was quite funny in earlier chapters... Ah, well, not bad though. Not bad.

this story is good. its one of the few that are keeping GS fanfiction alive, plz keep this story going, its good and is very funny

aw, I just discovered this epic fic today and I thought it was fairly completed already...now I have to wait D:

Looking forward to the next chapter, glad to see that you're still alive.

so by updating what do u mean? i remember reading this chapter a whiles back