Lovely. Definitely worth the wait. I especially loved how Nini talked about Satine’s hair. I like little details like that. You do have a knack for really working details well, in all of your stories. And there’s me in this chapter! Me! *bounces* I am Juno! Oh, this is beautiful all-around. You do need to go on posting binges more often, sweetheart.

Ignore the review from Rosemarie. Nothing is unclear. It’s all perfect.

Gorgeous, richly-textured, finely-nuanced, subtle, a realistic portrait of the brutality of that time and place-in other words, well worth the wait. The character development it spot-on--I can't wait for chapter five!
(There is a passage where I am somewhat confused about who is saying what, but it's very fixable. And, unfortunately, life has been crazy lately at work, so I will send a personal email w/more specifics when I get the chance, probably not until next week.)
~Janice

Nice!

Add!

Pease?

:)

Chapter two is now flawless, dear--everything that confused me before is made clear without seeming like an afterthought or being tacked on.
Perfect!

okay, excuse me while i shut my mouth, as it was just hanging open.

the relationship is so _believable_ - nini's voice is clear and fits the time and situation to perfection. i love how your name for satine has nothing to do with, well, the name satine. it's different, and it works. the kiss was excellent, as was nini's reaction. satine's last words in the chapter were just completely perfect.

kudos to you, m'dear.

i love your nini to bits.

and i do adore a no-makeip satine. it's so rare and so lovely, isn't it?

and their relationship, just - *squeal* tis wonderful.

i have no idea why this story makes me so giddy.

but i do love it.

and you.

This is really good! Keep up the great work!!

Oh I've always wondered what it'd be like for Satine starting out... And Nini is one of my favorite characters which makes it all the better! A good plot twist in my mind would be have Nini be like the star of the show and Satine/Marcille be her friend then become the star and that's where the enmity shown in the movie arises... But that's my idea. Keep the good work up!

Yay!

Two chapters!

::Swoons::

Fantastic job, addaddaddaddadd!

Please?

Wow...Marcille?

Well anyway, this is a GREAT STORY...add!

Please?

::pouts::

Yvi, I am such an idiot! Please review the parts of my last review that say "Are you implying Nini is bisexual?" etc etc--because when I wrote it I had no idea what "Slash F/F" meant (SLAPS FORHEAD.) Once I started seeing it on za's stories it all made sense. So please forgive; I am new to this world of fanfic. Just write chapter two, please! --Janice

i love you.

i truly, honestly love you.

i'm still trying to scrape together words for this.

lovely to have it from nini's perspective; you capture her beautifully. you write the pairing in such a plausible and eloquent way and i applaud that with enthusiasm.

just . . . i love it.

tis all you need to know?

right?

oh yes, and write more.

*dances impatently*

oh, this was good. I love your portrayal of Nini, especially the beginning parts. The cynicism fits her well. There's nothing I can find wrong with this, it's absolutely wonderful. I adore pre-Christian fics, and I'm very interested to see how this one turns out. Only one question, from a girl who hardly knows French - what does the title mean? :) Can't wait for the next chapter!!

'Zelma

Yvi,
Yes, I know I sent an encouraging note the other day. Since then I've printed this and have been reading it over and over. I guess you know you've got a true fan (or I just have too much time on my hands). You are a WRITER--I'm impressed.

Now, on to more specifics, if that's okay?

The four chapters are wonderful, probably the best writing in the piece and some of the best I've come across, recently. You manage to create a set-up and backstory in a few quick strokes, without going into too much detail or unnecessary exposition. The "slapdash acrobat...living on smoke and stale bread" sentence may be the best in this chapter. Great vivid & unexpected word choices!! Minor quibble (since you said you're experimenting with Nini's voice): the voice can come off as a little more formal than what I'd expect from a (probably) un- or under-educated woman of the streets ("The grey monotony of winter..." for instance, "obliged" and
"acknowledgement".) However that's subjective and totally my opinion. I wonderered if she wouldn't drop her "h's" and say "'em" instead of "them" but I know it's a tricky thing--too much dialect can get in the way of the story. (Also, I never figured out why, in the movie, all the Parisian can-can dancers speak in a cockney accent. But I digress.)

"She couldn't have been all that old..." seems vague--she could be 15 or 40. We know how old Nini is, so how old is they new girl in relation? A guess or approximation from Nini's point of view would be helpful, as she certainly would be sizing the new girl up--perhaps the girl is actually older than she looks? (Or younger and lying about her age? You get the idea.)

"plain dress, ragged but neat": again, a great turn of phrase that paints a picture in quick strokes. (Although for some reason I found myself wondering how she wore her hair--in a braid? Loose? Okay, that's just a female thing with me. But women look at that in each other.)
I also love following sentences ("wouldn't have to do any teasing or dancing" etc; again maixmum effect with maximum effiency; that's one of your gifts as a writer.)

"Good company can be hard to come..." tense shift here from past tense to present. Ok, I'm picking nits, but "could" would be the right tense here.

"But one thing I couldn't tell was...": this confused me, because it seemed that the entire paragraph (i.e. wouldn't have to do any dancing...) up to that point implied that Nini knew at first glance exactly what catagory she would be in. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding your intention here?

Harold: God, did you nail his voice on the head.Dead center. Fabulous.

I've already mentioned that acknowledgement sounds formal coming out of Nini; the word in this particular place also seems ackward, like a road block slowing the flow of traffic. Again, if this is exactly your intention, forgive me.

"Turned my mind to milk": neat turn of phrase, but I'm beginning to wonder why Nini sounds like an infatuated lover (sounds like something M'sieur le poet would say.) Is she bisexual perhaps? Certainly, many whores at that time were (or were assumed to be) as you well know (I think they logically turned to each other for comfort, primarily) but if that's what you're implying, great. Or not, whatever. It just made me wonder what's up with Nini (which actually makes her more interesting, by the way).

"I know you. You did the fire tango..." I did wonder how a poor young girl would have gotten in the Moulin Rouge, given the implication (in the film and in the deleted sequences) that the nightclub was off-limits to anyone but the wealthy (hence, M'sieur le poet needing to wear the Argentian's "best suit"). Perhaps you explain that later on (she came on the arm of a gentleman/client?) or maybe not. It's actually not even an important point and I love the sentence. It just made me wonder about the girl--which is what good writing ought to do, I think. You've made me curious to know more about what's up with Nini, with this girl; to keep reading to find out the answers. You've planted the seeds in the reader's head (ok, my head) so the characters start to blossom into full-blown people with lives of their own and secrets we may never know.

Don't let any of this put you off. If I am wrong, if I am totally off my beam, don't be afraid to haul off and tell me. Above all else(god, now I sound like M'sieur le poet!) keep writing and keep experimenting--please! (And I would love to read what else you may have written, M.R. related or not. Is there any way I could?)--Sincerely, from a genuine fan, Janice.
email: jm_janostak@yahoo.com