ohh hurry up and add

love the story so plz update is asap.

I like it a lot. keep it coming and don't take so long.

interesting! ^^

Hello, your first review for chapter 5 ^^
Yes, I know it's me. Ha ha
and good chapter. ^^ I like his violent side and his soft side, and the fact that each of his mistresses screwed him up changed his character to this...right? That is what you were aiming for I think anyways =P
I dont know if I should sleep or write more Sinful. I am hungry.
But back to this, you know I side-track easily.
I hope you continue to write more! It would be nice if you relate his past relationships with the one he will have with Bulma...slowly. ^^
Talk to you later and keep up the good work. =)
Your friend
GD

This story has nothing to do with Bulma and vegeta at all. You are in chapter 4 and your still going on about some other owman he ment as a kid. This is not a B/V story! it is a Oc/V and it tik me off you said other wise. I wanted to read about b/v and no one else your story is disoppting. I suggest you change your summery!

OMG! this fic absoutly ROCKS! with a capitol HARD CORE! I REALLY like this fic and if you could possibly update I would REALY aprecait(sp) it. (I'm trying really hard to contain my excitement ^^)

I really like this story so far. I really love Bulma & Vegeta fics. Their my fav couple.
Yea
Peace out

All right... what a mess of a weekend that was. Let's just say that it involved lots of bowling, b33r drinking, and tons of work. Did I mention that I did absolutely nothing in the ways of writing?

Oh well. As I've said though, I promised you a review. I'll try and point out stuff from chapters two and three, and make this somewhat extra long. After that, I'll try and get every chapter, though that all depends on how much time I have.

Now, let's begin.

Chapter three: guess we can split it up into two parts. We got ourselves the Selarian tour and the prelude to Vegeta's and Selaria's mating. Pretty standard stuff, all done rather well. That middle part that summarizes the year could of probably been done slightly better (maybe separate it into two or three paragraphs, and even separate that section from the rest of the body of text), but I would be nitpicking there. As it stands, this chapter was a nice little filler piece.

Chapter four: well, in all honesty, I didn't see that coming. I had figured that you would keep Selaria in for the long run and keep this strictly to an alternate universe type setting. Proved me wrong though. Bonus points for that.

Now, the big thing you had here was the hunt. I really don't see Selaria beating up Vegeta that much (yes, you did show that he was taken by surprise (numerous times) but you didn't give us anything in the way of how powerful Selaria is). I also really don't see Vegeta being that, well... stupid. I know you wanted to add an element of excitement there, but Vegeta should have easily caught her. And because of this, I really felt that the hunt dragged on and on. I'm not sure what you're planning next (a guess would be to continue along the current DBZ storyline), so be wary of writing things too long. It eventually turns into a "so much for so little" thing.

The Frieza part was all right. Nothing really to talk about there.

So let's see now... after three chapters, you've hit some sort of reset button (Selaria is dead, storyline progresses without hinderance of ACC), though now Vegeta has turned out to be slightly colder. I would continue along that thread for now. It would be good for a little divergance from the main storyline, and make for some pretty unique situations down the line. That way, whenever Bulma does come along, you can make it so that she would have to work extra hard to crack his shell. No summarizing paragraphs either when you get to that point. Keep in mind: to have people believe in the two characters getting together, you would have to write it good enough so that Bulma has fallen in love with Vegeta, and is taking small, slow steps in having the feeling returned.

But you know, I'm getting way ahead of myself here. You got a good story going, albeit with some noticable flaws. Just work out the kinks, and everything will be fine.

WOOHOO! I'm so happy this chapter is out ^^ Finally Bulma can get in the picture now that Selaria is gone! which is a bad thing but it's better that b/v get together!! teehee ^^ update asap

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Aw... poor Veggie-chan!! I would dedicate my whole life killing that bastard Freiza if my first love was taken away like that. I guess that's how Inuyasha feels... with Kikyou and Naraku. But I hate Kikyou. He's so much off better with Kagome... just like Vegeta and Bulma (^-^) I'm just saying this for the sake of Inuyasha.

Anywho, can't wait for ur next chapter, does it start off on Earth when he meets Bulma or are you repeating the timeline. Speaking of repeating... you repeated urself a lot in here just to let you know. Like this: "Vegeta took off as well putting his scouter on as well so he could hunt his prey more effectively. " It just sounds awkward.

The stuff I like... the kissing.. and the hunt. Very nice ^-^

WEll I gtg and try to do something more productive... oh.. and watch inuyasha, or edit Y&M... expect a new chapter soon (like today).


Talk to you later and sry I wasn't on MSN during the weekend. Art work took me the whole weekend. >.<

Love you lots,

GD

kiss kiss


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hey i thought it was a b/v flick? Up date soon

luv bri

interesting...

this is a good so far please update it real soon.

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hey there!

Finally, a new chapter!! :) Ahaha took you long enough my procrastinating friend.
As I was chewing on a staple, (yeah yeah, it's a bad habit), I was deeply entertained with Nappa in this chapter. I really didn't like how he was in the last, but yeah.. a lot of Saiyans are stupid so i'll let this pass. I was actually smart enough to realize that Bardock's son woul dhave been radditz instead of Goku, but it would have been cool otherwise. I noticed on the photo, Bardock said, to my only son. Interesting. Goku better be in this story *glares* You know I love him and his entire family *grins* So of course, I shouldn't worry.
Uhh... what else... *spits out staple* I'm tired. Bah. This was a good morning read though. Some stuff though were confusing... okay, not confusing, but repetitive. Just to point out of course. Like this: She would become his. Vegeta had planned it all perfectly. That night when Selaria returned the hunt would begin. That night she would be his.
Heh. I found it cute though. Yah, I know I'm weird ok, don't use it again me. :p
*pops in another unbent staple in my mouth*
Oh, it's october 12 or something. Sinful is starting son! ^-^ You know what really ** me off, is the long fricken length, and evertime I read the chapter, i always find something wrong with it. Grr.
Oh, that's what I wanted to ask you, if I haven't asked before, how long is this story going to be?

Aright, I'll talk to you on MSN. I'm trying to finish all homework today to (*laughs* yeah right).

Will be awaiting for the next chapter! ^-^

Love you best friend (*giggles* tee hee)
GD
kiss kiss



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