Well i have to say it is pretty bad.

I have to agree with a certain reviewer. Just pull it out and then clean it and post it back in.

You seriosuly have to do it coz someone might complaint.

It's against the rules to have totally undistigushable stuff in this site.

That was... random, too random for my own good.

did u just pull that story out of your **? what the ** is wrong with u?

Funny. What everybody else said, well they then don't know what it means to do one for fun eh?

Okay, this story needs work, badly. It need more detail (I can't stress that enough), it needs to be longer, the tags a screwed up, and it totally pointless. Don't get me wrong I like pointless, as long as it's well written. If I were you I'd take this down, fix the problems, and repost it. You'll probably get more, and better, reviews then.

Alright kid, I found a bundle of problems with this story, and here are some I would like to share with you:

1. Most people hate mindless stories in "movie style" EX. Tommy: Blah Blah Blah. Should Be... "Blah Blah Blah" Muttered Tommy.

2. Like another reviewer stated... What the Hell? That is all I can say at this moment, make sure you work ** your writing skills and listen to reviewers insights and thoughts about your story.

3. Stories must have a good, strong structured story line to keep readers interested. I could only read half of that mindless dribble (no offense to you as the author) about Tommy's limo... But dang, were you on drugs at the time?

4. Keep in mind what I have told you, work hard, and you might produce a readable story in the future. Thank you for your time.

Not only does your story have broken tags, but it manages to be devoid of any coherent plot!

Your English teacher should be dragged out into the street and beaten to death with copies of "Writer's Inc."

What the Hell?