hey kiara that wasnt bad at all, good job!

you got me wondering what is going to happen next. this truelly is a good story.

Hm... short chapters, an OC introduced in the first chapter which must be about a hundred words, the OC quickly becoming the main focal point of the story, (if you can call it that, not a lot appears to happen except a lot of supposed drama) and the fact that the OC is a mysterious American girl who can transform into a pheonix and travel through time.

But wait, there's more.

No, there isn't.

1/5

At least you have clear paragraphs and punctuation.

Chapters are too short.

You're rushing. Its like you wrote the whole thing in one sitting. You need to work on the beginning a bit. Lay down a bit of background on your character. I like the dream scene in the beginning, but the ranma cast is a bit out of character. You might want to study up on their personalities. Oh, and your new character is a little... all powerful? Nobody wants to read a story where a character can solve a conflict in a matter of minutes. You might want to consider putting some limitations on her powers. Please don't take offense. Its constructive criticizm not flames. I think you have a lot of potential with this. I've only read up to chapter nine so far, but the story line seems descent. Anyway, have fun with it. You don't have to post each chapter the second you finish writing it. You can usually find all the faults in your writing if you let it sit a few hours and then come back to it. Of course I'm only an amature (and a mediocre one at that when it comes to writing my own fan fics), but I read a lot, and am generally pretty good at the editing part. Anyway, if you feel the need for a little pay back, feel free to review my own work ^-^

? What is suppose to be going on here? I mean come on , ts a nice story but to me it seams lame. like it is missing something.

Seems good thus fare. Ranma seems to be a little more polite and has better comunication skills. Wonder were you're going with it though? I'll finish it later, don't quit on it though.