oh, just to let ya know the attack that ranma was using the you called Red-Eyed Dragon is acually the attack Final Burst from Legend of Dragoon, since i noticed that this is a crossover with ranma... lol... but hey other that that its a nice story, but a bit rushed...

Dude i don't know where to start on this story... You sorta started at the start of the ranma series, but there is more people that arrive than normal. You go into a basic explanation of it but its **. You dont explain who is who very well. And when Ranma and Ryoga are sparring you keep using male and female terms for ryoga so which is it?

Then you go on about how ranma knew about nabiki and happosai, but you don't give any explantion of how he did know those things. Is this a ranma that had a wish granted and come back to the past to relive ** or what?

I had to stop reading this because it was so god damn confusing on who was a guy/girl and what was going on past/present. I suggest a couple of pre-readers before putting work on the net to get read. GOOD LUCK! Cool stuff about the dragon's but not was really explained tho so it still wasn't all that good.

wow this is just,... horrible

Chapter one needs to be re-written horribly. On top of that, you tell absolutely nothing in the way of details, with exception to Akane's looks in the beginning. I mean, if this is a R&N pairing, stop spending time on the trivial :P

On top of that, I agree with Nameless Author, you need to learn to write better paragraphs. As it is, you also have a lot of run-ons going on.

Plus,... EVERYONE is OOC in this story, while that never is a big factor for me, since in my stories the characters are a little OOC... but good god man,... Nabiki doesn't giggle and say "Thank YOU!!"...

The way it is now, is that it's a Ranma / made up character pairing. Because that sure as hell ain't Nabiki, the mercenary we all love.

PLEASE UPDATE!

ok this is weird. ryoga is a guy. now how in the hell did he become a girl? no offense but your entire fic is messed up in this way. first of all you said in the flashback about how ryoga and ranma were fighting genma at jusenkyo that they were both male. and then they were thrown into nanniichuan first. then they got thrown into the nyanniichuan during the spar. that was how the 2 girls were made. however that doesn't explain how ryoga got turned into a girl.

soory, I couldnt get past the masses of text. More paragraphs will make it easier to read

Alot of this fic is copied from Albert's Fanfic Ranma's Second Chance located at http://w.aliu.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/Ranma_s_second_chance.htm

This fic is so jumbled up though so im not sure what other fics you might have copied from also

Okay, It took me awhile to figure out why this story seemed familiar after strugling to read the first chapter. Took me awhile but I finally figured out where you copied alot of this story from. It's from the fanfic Ranma's second chance by Albert

http://w.aliu.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/fanfics/second/Chapterall.txt

If you want to write a story do it in your own way don't copy someone elses

Very good chapter.

ryouga is a guy right? you need to fix this chapter badly

VERY VERY confusing story...
It seems like author plgarize someone's story cause Ryoga keem switching from being femalee to male and also if ytou read the Kuno and ranma fight more closely(on 2nd chapter), you will see that suddenly the author exchanged kuno line and act with ranma's! Read it and you will know what I mean

Great story.

It seems to be a good story but you need to fix the gender confusion in the story and also either explain or get rid of the implications of Ranma knowing what happened in the original manga.

Chapter 2 is better. Paragraph size much better. Still a little bland, but a marked improvement.

A few over used ideas found; spring of drowned man cancels spring of drowned girl, two dimensional Tendo girls, and a few others. Paragraphs too long to keep reading without losing place, my suggestion break the paragraphs into 7 lines or less, or no more than 6 sentences per paragraph. Cleanup the dialog so you know who is speaking. Glaring plot hole spotted, By this time the entire Tendo family had gone outside in time to witness, at first a giant panda running towards them carrying a handsome young man with a pigtail, only to be moments later zapped by fire which seemed to come from a dragon that appeared out of nowhere. They then saw a raven-haired boy who had his hair wrapped in a bandanna. ""Say umm Ranma why are those people staring at us?" the blond-haired girl said pointing to the Tendo family." with this sentence there are four people besides the Tendos; Ranma, Ryouga, Genma, and a blonde haired girl. Later on Ryouga states that they will be here tomorrow because the didn't want to swim.

I really would want to see this come to fruitation, as there are so few Ranma/Dragoon stories.