Reviews for Identity One - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Identity One

TruebornChaos 2005-04-22 ch 3,	abuseAs far as praise goes I'll have to direct you to the other reviews. Not much, if anything, to add to that. Although I agree with TWH about Potemkin.
trimurti 2004-09-12 ch 3,	abuseAh, no time like the present. What separates this story from Ketsueki no Senrei is something that I'll bluntly call 'life'. Your fastidiousness when it comes to detail and overall arrangement of everything important--plot and the like--is as apparent here as it was there. However, probably due to the character thoughts that appear at the beginning or end of each section, it's easier to feel something for many of these characters. This, to me, improves the overall feel of the story, simply because it is easier to have the character tell their spiel without drowning the reader in unnecessary text. Of course, the more impressive thing is knowing each character, both your own and not, enough to give us a perfect glimpse within their mind. Many of the characters interest me. Your takes on Millia, Ky, Chipp, and especially Potemkin are engaging and realistic. Sol's potrayal, for one reason or another, irritates me, though I'm not sure whether this is due to my own bias against him or your writing. Out of the new characters, I'm fond of Somber and September while ambivalent about everyone else...except for Jaygus, who at this point feels like less of a human than he does a 'man with mysterious actions' archetypal device. Harsh words, I know, but right now I want to point an accusing finger at him and yell, "Back to Xenosaga with you!" No, I've never played that game, only Xenogears. And yes, Guilty Gear is full of people with confusing/mysterious motives. Whatever the reason, he just feels wrong to me. I'm enjoying the plot. I mean, I care about characters more than plot at any given moment, so I am satisfied. This isn't exactly my kind of story, because I can be infuriatingly slow to get things, but I can feel the emotion in it and that's good enough. All in all, this is a story I would like to follow, but I probably won't be your number one fan. ;) You definitely have the talent to become a published novelist, I can see that much, and that's not a comment I toss around lightly...or at all. (As an aside, our little discussion about language inspired within me what promises to be a lengthy series. Thank you.)
Zeronova 2004-09-05 ch 1,	abuse...FFN is having a great time. It said I already reviewed Chapter 3, so I'm now logging a review under Ch. 1 (so it says), which I already did review...who knows. Anyway, patented Zeronova review style. Review as I read. Seikishidan hired mercenary Grigdo and Ky Kiske...good scene, really brought out the different type of Ky from after the Crusades to now, as well as the power he has in such a world. Dropping a few hitns to Jeanne and Grigdo...a little of which I know, the other half (Doll Girl factory) leading to the obvious assumption (and knowledge, from Ch.1) that Grigdo is a Zepp experiment or something of the like. A good mystery building dramatic portion. Millia's scene...kind of odd, how you approached the details of the transformation with the dark arts, since it's kind of up to the author, but also very apt, showing the weakness and broken frailty of Millia before Zato, then her change after. Particularily the last paragraph, a very good summarization of Millia herself, as well as a powerful statement at that. Good ol' Jaygus...time to flip out the notepad for DG. =) Seems in character, as well as his house suiting him, in that after a war that was his life, he just tries to get by in life day by day, not caring much for his weeds or where he lived. Faith and Hope, good symbols. Jaygus acts like a sort of minister, as well as being a very off beat type of confessions minister, by saying that it is no sin to lust, definitely contradicting his God like aappearance, but also going along the lines of that he blasphemes the house of God by sleeping there, a tapestry of symbols and motifs, I like. Kliff being brought in (for vacation, and as Far Cry's motto, he's a far cry from R&R), and Jeanne has her stance against it, obviously (something I won't divulge to readers as of yet). Ha, a Doubting Thomas, eh? I think I used more or less that -exact- same line in DG, because we both know lineage between us of the "Doubting Thomas". The killer is a Gear killer, carnivore. She's a biological mechanical hunter, needing to feed to continue to live...much like a Justice, only that its life wasn't ruled by a magical dominance, but a mechanical one, the biological side still requiring food. No matter how much you try to turn a man to machine, there's always a man underneath, goes the saying (I think). She feeds on Gear DNA only, probably segregating the spinal chord cells in the back of the neck from magic, which science has proven those cells (in humans), to be some of the most reactive, and well, juicy (very stimulated to electricity, very large cells, lots of synaptic shooting and such). So, a Gear's version of those cells, infused with magic in the DNA also...well, tasty tasty. Obviously, helped save the day in Dresden-3 in the Gear raid in the Crusades, and she was there when Jaygus was, and a demon and an angel at the same time. Though, who made her, why, etc. My guess...simple, Zepp. Potemkin was sent down at the remote activation of her to get and kill her, kind of like a black smudge on Zepp (and more notably, Gabriel, who needs political civility in this time), and needed to be erased. Who else would make a Gear killing killer with high amounts of technology during the Crusades? More of Jeanne's treatury...I like, not to mention a bit of the back ground on the war, and Tibet (IM me about this, I kind of need to talk to you about it), not to mention the whole government/world events scheme, which I go bananas for (I love the sort of thing where stories take that extra step to show deeper meanings and a level below the central character and events, portraying a world). Not to mention that I think the Seikishidan executing the Victor Group might have been a bit harsh...since the Seikishidan would have been in favor of letting all humans live to fight the Gears, since they're all technically on the same side, especially an anti-Gear weapon...but then again, orders might have trickled down the command from the U.N., to some brown-nosing lieutenant who wanted a promotion, and did it, or who knows. I like the science babble and such, though I have one problem: it retains memories of Gears it has killed because of the DNA...memories cannot be stored in DNA, you can save DNA and replicate it, but it is never the same person or retains things such as memories or emotions (A bit of Mei-Ling's view on the situation, as you well know from MGS). And, it is quite obvious Jeanne likes Ky, thouh will have to succumb to orders or her feelings, probably becoming a martyr to them. Though, I do like the P.W.A.B.'s ruthless aproach and agents, giving a huge boost in what it should be seen and approached as, as GGX2 hinted at, but this fleshes it out perfectly, rogue agents, secret operatives, moles, special tabs on everyone everywhere, etc. Not to mention The Man In The Sunglasses being our typical faceless evil enemy, of which we always need, just for the sake of having someone to dislike. Good ol' Sol Badguy, and the lovable mob boss, Masan. Good to see the inclusion of Greece, even as a foot note. Also, war stories and hums of a killer angel...good ideas, as well as plausible in a hundred year war, there are always stories and memories lingering throuh lips of soldiers. Python seems kind of like a throw away character, just another bounty hunter there, one of your many OCs who seems to be rather paling in comparison to Jaygus, Ungskard, Jeanne, or Grigdo. But, it wasn;t in any way you wrote her, since it was a well written piece and a good character, she just seems of a lesser tier of the main OCs (Malfleur being a lower tier). Speaking of Malfleur, we now see that Digit was the aforementioned killed human by the killer. Though, why Jaygus is getting close to the Assassin Syndicate is a mystery, unless helping Ungskard interferred with their operations, and in that case, he did interfere. But, obviously, I see Jaygus mopping the floor with Somber, but letting her live, and her going in false pretense of being dead, just because that's how Jaygus is. A-Country (U.S.A. is where Dresden-4 is? I could have sword it was in Eastern Europe...).Good scene, though Somber seems like another throw away character, but I see a lot of development possible for her in the future, as where Python just seemed like one of those characters who never really get that good, get the sort of spotlight and caliber of the star shiners of the story. Can't have everyone steal the show, I guess. With Greti, we get a more down to earth (no pun intended, since she's on the Mayship) view of a child in these times, living after a world rebuilding itself. Through it all, the same emotions, thoughts, and types of situations arise, despite variables, such as air pirates. Very well done, Greti is evolving to be the sleeper hit OC of the story. And the final scene wraps up with a multitude of scenes, showing everyone at the end of this chapter. A nice wrap up, as well as giving the reader another time to check off the OCs from their mental check list as who is who and what each of them does, and lives. All in all, another great chapter of Identity One. I can try and give you any constructive criticism, but honestly, I can't think of anything, really. It's long, but that doesn't matter because of how fluidly it is written, how engrossing it is. It over whelms you with characters, but each is a special experience and worthy to exist in GG, making none seem too much a drab(only them existing in different tiers of importance and liking, Jaygus being at the top obviously, trickling down to Python, my least favorite, which is very personally subjective, in no way reflecting the portrayal or attention given to them). Few spelling errors...or none, I don't know, there were a few gramattical errors (nothing much, an extra capitalized letter, missing an instead of a...just miniscule crap, and very few and far between). I can't really criticize this as much as I want, because of how well it is written, presented, how it embraces the world of GG and builds off of it...I can think of one gripe though. And, it's a big one... Update more, you friggin' slow-ass!
TWH 2004-08-27 ch 2,	abuse...dude... Granted, that's not the most eloquent of things to say, but I think it pretty much states how I felt after getting through just two chapters of this story. Though, not having played Guilty Gear 1, I felt a bit handicapped for not knowing the entire story as the time. But now that that's passed, I finally feel worthy to leave something of a review. Your attention to detail is astounding and the sentences move along smoothly. Though, I guiltily admit to skimming a bit to see what would happen next, that only shows how well you can set up tension in what you write. And, to my fanboy-ish delight, you've kept the main characters' goals the primary focus of the story, in spite of how much the original characters, i.e Greti, her father, Jaygus, and the other Zepp soldier, it still fits in with how the story goes. I like that. And we finally get to see the Potemkin in a primay role, which brings joy to me. Poor guy hardly gets the screen time he deserves. And yes, Sol's still cool. Now, the original characters, I'm still out on the cleaners about. Greti seemed a bit too mature for a fourteen/fifteen year old by her manner of speaking, but considering what the world's gone through, I really can't say if that's correct or not. It just seems that way to me. shrugs Then there's Jaygus. I was certain I understood him correctly. But you went and made me realize that I was in error. Well done. I'd say more, but that'd spoil it for those reading the reviews who haven't read the story yet. Can't really coment on Greti's father since his role has been fulfilled and stuff. However, if you were trying to elicit sympathy from the reader for him and what he was trying to do, i'd say you did fairly well on that. I'd feel more for the guy if he didn't tremble so much... or maybe he reminds me too much of Peter Pettigrew from the HP books. Maybe it's me. Then, there's Grigdo. Not sure about him. From what a reader can gather, he's going through some tough times, (but then again, who hasn't in the GG universe?) yet, I find it a bit difficult trying to sympathize with him during his conversation with Sol. It's almost like he's a pug pretending to be a bull dog. Maybe well get more in later chapters... Somber... seems almost like a semi-female-clone of Venom. Fanatically devoted and loyal to Zato and all. However, I was surprised to see one of her traits taking her below the levels of the GG cast, as it should be since those are the ones we use in the games. Though, I can't help but admire her devotion to her trade and such. Maybe with any luck she'll get more screen time, despite what's happened with Chipp. Now, onto an iffy point. If I'm reading this right; we got about five to six seperate plots going on at the same time. There's Ky's search for the truth, Sol's hunt for the Gear/assasin droid/whatever, Potemkin's hunt for Grigdo, Millia's run, Python's interaction with Chipp, as well as Chipp's own run, the list goes on. It's good to see so much interaction, but it can be a bit taxing mentally trying to connect all the dots. I won't tell you how to write your story, other wise it would be my story and it would suck. But if there's any suggestions I could make, it would be to stick to a primary plot... unless i'm missing it completely and I'm just making an idiot of myself. In closing, I like this story a lot. And I'll cross my fingers so inspiration will hit and more chapters will come soon.
Person With Many Aliases 2004-06-02 ch 2,	abuseWell, while it did take a long time for you to write the next chap, you wrote it all the same. Great story, and everything. This, people is how one writes outside of a humor genre, yes indeed.
Zeronova 2004-06-01 ch 2,	abuse...Whoa. I should just stop the Desolate Gail remake now, and bow down. You present such a perfect view of Guilty Gear, one I cannot possibly measure up to, that my attempts at creating that living world are artificial to what you've created. Terrific, seemless, perfect. There were some minor grammatical/spelling errors (you called a she a he once), and you introduce so many characters and plots, it gets a bit convoluted, but all in due time, it'll come together. But, for the story, it is evolving greatly. I'm sincerely loving this, and I may sound like a bit of a freak here, but this is terrific. The characters are all great, and have quirks about them, but some of them get a bit trivial, as if their inclusion is really necessary. They all fit, but some of them seem...like they could have done without them, to save confusion of the reader. This may just be because of the first few chapters, but it is great so far. Dizzy is the killer, I think. Jaygus really is a good guy, with some flawed tactics (as we saw with the slave-trade, then salvation), and they all seem so real. The entire world seems real, you give life to the shaded region of Guilty Gear lore; the world and reality, not just the fighters and hooking up with this character or that one, as most fan fiction. Another complaint of mine, though personal, is the abundant use of magic. Sure, I think magic was more held down and restricted because of the Gears being magic infused, so governments feared it, but still, you used it so flawlessly, I can't complain. Also, after the Gear threat was minimized, it is possible the world let go of its fear of magic and became more lax. Let's hope we get File 2-01 before the polar ice caps melt and I celebrate my 60th birthday, eh?
Zeronova 2003-11-08 ch 1,	abuseI told you I would review it if I got the time. You lost faith, eh? Anyway, on to the review. Let me strat by saying wow. The story itself flows like a novellization, a perfect one. The characters seem sterling in the reality of them all (especially Hant, a man marked with death, and how he lives his last day). I have absolutely no qualms with original characters, so long as they are good and fit, and yours do. They're not over powered, they're not the central focus, but they are good. THe style is perfect, like a true novellist (your goal), and the story flows from one event to the next brilliantly. Even Hant's many different sides in his final day prevailed, and he seemed real to me, more real that any GG character ever. Beautiful job, Samuraiter. Just amazing. Write more, I implore, no, I fucking demand.
Person With Many Aliases 2003-10-07 ch 1,	abuseHA HA! I get to review first! Well, its the first time I ever seen you write a GG/X/XX fic, but obviously is remarkbly perfect, as I suspected of you. All the Characters are awesome, and remain strong in their character, as I expected. And, you offically got me hooked to this, so I hope you will finish this story (you probably will) Of course, no spelling errors. duh.

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