Thanks for the very interesting story. I especially liked that you included the background of what happened to Hermione's relationship with Harry and Ron and the rest of the Weasleys. Thanks!

I have only one problem. Magic is not spelled with a K. Also there a few typos but nothing a dedicated reader can't get by. I usually don't enjoy 1st person views but this one was good. The story is otherwise well done. I especially enjoy the story line it's self.

Thank you for your creativity,
Shanta

~Love The Life You Live, Not The Life You Dream.~

was dat the end??
if it was it was a bit dissapointing! but i liked the rest of it!!

Was this chapter written by a different person? The use of language in chapter one was good; this chapter seems somewhat teenage in usage. The dialogue was unrealistic and the mistakes are numerous. There are a lot of words missing from sentences to make them good sentences - all small words like "that", "it" and "is" etc but important ones to make a sentence work as a written piece.

Language;

There is no apostrophe in "shoulders". An apostrophe is only necessary to denote ownership or to indicate a missing letter.

"We hadn't spoke to each other" - should be "spoken".

"You're" means "you are". If it belongs to someone then it should be "yours".

"Ginevra Weasley" not "Virginia Weasly"

I think you work better in the third person than in the first and you need to think about conversations a bit more, a lot of the interaction in this was ill thought out, expositional and lacking character.

I'm sorry that's such a rubbish sounding review but the decline in quality from chapter one to two shocked me. If it picks up I'll keep reading and review again.

It's nice to read someone with a good grasp of English and how to use it; one does give up hope sometimes.

I can't guage potential yet as this was just an intro scene. It was a well detailed one though; painting a good picture. I do like to start with something nice before I mention any possible mishaps. I rarely comment on stories/writing with no potential, so I'd rather edge in pleasantly than just state what may be wrong.

Three errors - one may be a typo. The typo - travelling has two "l"s. The two errors are connected as they are both about using the past tense. Hermione would have "petted" the cat's head, not "pet" and she would have "succumbed" to the desire, not "succumb".

The other point is one of story detail. As Hermione's parents are muggle dentists, the statement about them having been 'on the dark side' is somewhat confusing on its own. Perhaps an extra sentence, explaining how simple muggle dentists got embroiled in the war at all, might clear that up. If it isn't an important detail then there might be another way to do them in that doesn't seem so erroneous.

cute ;P... funny I've first thought to check out your other fanfics now 0_o...but it's rather nice, and I was so thrilled to see that, aparently you've also read 'Lost Souls'; my favorite book above all ^-^...

Awesome story so far!! You definately have me intrigued!! I shall continue to read and immerse myself in your version of the Harry Potter World!! Just one small crituque... I think Ginny's full name is Ginevra not Virginia. Not a big problem just a detail that stood out to me. Keep up the excellent writing!!

"Her parents had died in the war against Voldemort, when they were trying to get her to become a Dark Wizard, hoping that they would be able to use her as a tool against Harry Potter."

Her parents had tried to make her a Dark wizard? Why? Why would they, being muggels and all, need to use her as a tool against Harry? And wouldn't she be a Dark witch, not a wizard?

Good so far cant wait to finish reading it

aw

At the very end, when AD announces GW and HG, you say they are MRS. but neither is married... it would be either MISS or MS.

Bill was the one with the earring, not Charlie... but otherwise pretty good!

I just wanted to mention that Ginny's name is actually Ginevra not Virginia like everyone thinks. I found this out on J.K Rowlings official website!

I love this fic but i'm kinda confused because in chapter 19 when Hermione is talking about Vince she say's "I was nothing more then a toy for him to play with and a hole for him to unleash his passion into. I was a ** toy. Nothing more" so I kinda figured she wasn't a virgin but then she says she is. Anyway I still love it

I LOVE THIS FIC. THIS CAN REALY MOVE ALOT.BESIDES IT IS NOT TOO LONG OR TOO SHORT SO BASICALLY ITS PERFECT.

NICE DONE

PLUS ITS COMPLETE