Utterely brilliant story. I absolutely love the twist and turns within this story, especially the major lengths that old Dumbledore went to achieve his plans. Dumbledore manipulative so many people/and hurting them; Severus & Lily and their child, Remus and Athena and their child. And manipulatating events that proberly created Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort - taking his wife's magic and baby daughter and dumping them in the muggle world. I can't wait until all those who have caused others harm because of Dumbledores plans get what they deserve!

You don't know how sad I am that this story hasn't been updated in forever. I just read all 24 chapters. Truly amazing storyline.

Please update soon.

Serena

first i have to say that i adore this story, and second i really really wish that would you post more of this story. I understand it has been years but PLEASE write more, its too good to leave like this! :]

a stun gun... very creative. but a question: wouldnt a stunner have done exactly the same thing? cute story btw. im gonna murder Ron later on i think

Great Story So far. Some Grammatical and spelling problems that a beta could fix.

Did you abandon this fic? Would really like to see more.

Your story is interesting. I like it. The story idea is fascinating. It could be better, though.

None of the characters are so far out of character as to be unbelievable, but a lot of their changes of heart happen off-camera. This makes it harder to believe. How would Draco possibly fall for Ginny? I'd like to see the threads that brought him from the prat we knew in the books to the person who could fall for Ginny, as well as befriend Harry (also happened off camera, before the story happened). Snape and Harry's reconciliation, and Snape and Remus', are also too quick, as are Harry's with the Malfoys'. I'd like to see them coming to terms. Even if some of it is the anguish of realization when the memories return (in the case of Snape: when he realizes how badly he's treated his own son), I'd like those struggles and realizations to play before my eyes.

You tend to have someone think something, and then say almost the exact same words. This is redundant (and boring). For example:

"Harry opened the door that lead to the library and stepped in not expecting to find books flying through the air ... " followed shortly by “Can some one explain to me why there are hundreds of books flying through the room, did someone decide to redecorate?”

This second sentence is also an example of a grammar error that peppers your story (and one of my pet peeves. Two questions, or a question followed by a statement, should not be seperated by a comma. It should read: “Can some one explain to me why there are hundreds of books flying through the room? did someone decide to redecorate?” The way you wrote it sounds breathless and is not at all now people talk.

You also have some word choice problems, which tend to kick the reader out of th story. One that sticks out is Granite instead of Granted (Chapter 12, I believe), but it is fairly clear you have used the spell check and did not do a careful proofread afterward, that you instead just accepted the spellchecked suggestion. A good beta reader would also catch these.

The other thing that would make this story not only interesting in idea, but also compelling to read, is if you would dive into the characters, instead of summarizing their activity. This reads a bit too much like a detailed plot summary. There needs to be more conversation, interspersed with details of environment. Get INTO the characters, and make us feel for them, instead of just describing to us how they feel and what they do.

I hope you take these suggestions as they were intended, as constructive criticism, to help you write better. I would love to see a story like this that pulled me in and along, and made me really care for the characters.

Good luck with your writing.

Priceless way to describe Pettigrew's Animagus form. "His nasty little habit". Love it.

I sincerely hope that you are able to update this soon. Happy writing and I hope your muse returns to you soon.

please writemore

This is really good and i hope u update soon:)

Cool PLZ KEEP GOIN!

MORE!

I just finished reading the existing chapters and was so engrossed that I didn't stop until I ran out of story. -grin- I find this story unique and very entertaining. I have thoroughly enjoyed the 24 chapters you have posted so far and dearly hope that chapters 25 and following will be posted soon. Keep up the great work. P.S. A huge plus for you... I can't remember coming across a single error in spelling, grammar, or punctuation. (Believe me, for me that's a real biggie... quite a number of your fellow authors seem to be quite lacking in that area.

I have to admit, as the victim of an abusive relationship (no worries, I got out). It is hard to get out and have others believe you.

I like this story and the things you dare to write about...