i have really enjoyed reading this story one of the best harry/tonks story i have read, personally out of all my favourites i have on this website it is def in the top 10 if not top 5

Well, I for one really like this and hope that you have not given up on this!

Too much too sudden.

It's not that Harry has extraordinary powers, it's that you don't provide a mechanism for them to be delivered to him by (insert: destiny, fate, the universe, God, the gods, authorial intent).

I may further read your story and discover that hey! you *do* have a marvelous description of how his powers work, what they are, and how they impact the greater world around him, but you're losing me early on because you don't put in discovery and description.

Fantasy writing is, contrary to what most think, NOT *just* asking the question 'what if I had x power.' Instead it is the creation and exploration of entire universes based on hypothesis. Fanfic is removed from that because you have a universe from which to start, but still it is an exploration-an exquisite one if done right.

In order for exploration to occur your hero *must* have a home, a sense of place, he must be able to draw reference from something real. In fanfic that something real is what critics call 'cannon,' and for any *actual* good story-writing to be done you essentially have to say "yeah, it happened just like Rowling wrote it BUT ..." What you're doing is creating the new universe-and that's great-but you're not linking it to stuff we readers already know (cannon).

...

That means there's NO frame of reference for us. That's bad. As readers we need to see how Harry reacts to his new powers, how he discovers them, what he first uses them for, what the scene is like at the MOMENT of discovery. Otherwise you're telling us half of a story-and the lesser half at that.

I would personally recommend that you expand this first chapter out to show us what it's like for Harry to get his new powers, what he feels like, how he thinks he could use them, the things he changes-to show us the stuff of stories, the stuff your writing misses out on from the first stroke of your pen.

...

But then that's just me, the craaaazy literary critic who goes off on rants occasionally on ff.net.

I honestly like what you're doing, and that you've got 100k-plus words into this story means you're a committed writer. Props.

Still, this first chapter desperately needs more description of *how* and even *what.*

Grrrrrrr!

Again, your sandbox... but, Harry just won a 750 to 1 battle, rested for a week, and 'somehow' Voldemort went out and got himself posessed, making him indestructable?

The 'reality' level just dropped exponentially to the level of two 6 year olds arguing about their action figure dolls.

" Well, well, well, my guy can fly!"...

"So what! My guy can burn up the whole world with his eyes!

" Well..." and so on.

Sorry, I'm just trying to decide whether to even finish reading this, or not, now.

I am loving this story. Even though Harry is 'way too powerful' for some tastes, it's a good fic. That said, I do have one observation. It's not even a complaint, because it's YOUR sandbox, therefore YOUR rules.

It kind of goes back to what the little league baseball coaches used to tell us, "you're not allowed to go swimming on game day". Which is fine and dandy for someone not used to the exertion a day at the pool or wherever can take. Contrast that to someone who IS fit enough and does any activity on such a regular basis that it's the baseball game which taxes you less than you are used to.

What's my point? I can barely accept that you've got Harry 'training' even though he is tired, magically exhausted, bleeding from guilt, sometimes wounded in other ways, and still going out to do battle or raise a city back from death eater destruction. I don't see that his exertions are letting him heal or rest enough to go on, and not enough evidence to support that Harry should be "allowed to swim on game day", if you'll forgive my analogy.

Like I said, before, just an observation.

Sorry, down from my soap box, now. Just a question (rhetorical).

Harry said he would rather work hard training than do yardwork and chores, but, in a time suspended alternate reality, would he not have to STILL do everything the Dursleys want, when he is not in the room? If the ratio is ten seconds to the hour, he is gone for one minutes every six hours, expanded to 1 minsix hours, 4min 1 day, 28 min 1 week, and nearly two hours one month away. In my thinking, he could train for a month, and STILL have to come back, do his chores, sleep the night, and do it all over again tomorrow. I don't know the exact day of his summer holidays we are on, but even in just August (30 days real time), he could be 'away' for 30 months training.

As my experience goes, this will probably be brought up next chapter and make me an alarmist. It's ok, I'm used to it.

Small disclaimer (and only aimed at U.S. readers):

The past form of learn, 'learnt' is acceptable, and used in the U.K. It is NOT used (properly) in the U.S., so all the redneck chillun' don't go running to your pappy and say " See pa, I told you it was ok to say 'learnt'!"

Here in the colonies, we say learned. In this case it's a one syllable word, "I learned my ABC's", instead of the two syllable context, "He was a learned man".

'Learnt' is slang at best, and wrong, and you'll put your eye out, using it.

It is an interesting story however horribly executed in some parts.

The whole warrior aspect is interesting however the hidden room and trainer is an unnatural story part, that could have been introduced better

Lupin connecting Harrys enhanced perceptions to an ancient/forgotten ability is laughable. Lupins first instict should have been that Harry was suffering from some sort of break down.

Harrys behaviour doesn't match the preconceived conceptions of the previous books; he seems too confident in some areas while too meek in others.

All in all a lot of the story seems like a draft rather than a finished product, which is disappointing since this could have been a great read.

Cheers

I hope you'll continue Warrior Mage, i really like it.

i enjoyed this chapter and hope life behaves and allows you to finish this story.

update

This is the second time I've read this, and I was wondering if you planned to continue it? You really should, because it is fantastic. It is an extremely interesting and enjoyable story to read.

love it

I absolutely love this story! Please come back to it.

Your story is getting weird. Harry the mage is sitting across from Voldy and can kill him at any time and of course to make the story longer just lets him go to attack the warrior village. Why, why why did he not offl him when he was right next to him?