are you... japenese? yhu used aa lot of japenese in here...

Well, as everyone has said, the fic is... a bit rushed. It's not fun to read a rushed fic, so try to lenghten it a bit next time.

Satoshi doesn't blush. He's stoic just like Tezuka. Don't make him too OOC.

All in all, a quite nice fic.

uwa kok harada bersaudara itu nyebelin ya? (no offence klo u dmn ama mrk)

n, satoshinya jgn blushing melulu T-T ksnnya krg cool...

ok, sori bnyk komentar

WOW! This fic -_-... OMG... The ending...WEKS...make me so surprised... HOw come... Niwa&Hiwatari... -_- OMG I got a headache... But actually...You're style got better from day to day!! I love you're writting style! Although I am not too like with the basic story... Maybe this because I'm not too fond of YAOI... ^^;

WOW! This fic -_-... OMG... The ending...WEKS...make me so surprised... HOw come... Niwa&Hiwatari... -_- OMG I got a headache... But actually...You're style got better from day to day!! I love you're writting style! Although I am not too like with the basic story... Maybe this because I'm not too fond of YAOI... ^^;

WOW! This fic -_-... OMG... The ending...WEKS...make me so surprised... HOw come... Niwa&Hiwatari... -_- OMG I got a headache... But actually...You're style got better from day to day!! I love you're writting style! Although I am not too like with the basic story... Maybe this because I'm not too fond of YAOI... ^^;

WOW! This fic -_-... OMG... The ending...WEKS...make me so surprised... HOw come... Niwa&Hiwatari... -_- OMG I got a headache... But actually...You're style got better from day to day!! I love you're writting style! Although I am not too like with the basic story... Maybe this because I'm not too fond of YAOI... ^^;

WOW! This fic -_-... OMG... The ending...WEKS...make me so surprised... HOw come... Niwa&Hiwatari... -_- OMG I got a headache... But actually...You're style got better from day to day!! I love you're writting style! Although I am not too like with the basic story... Maybe this because I'm not too fond of YAOI... ^^;

Hiya Rav,
Again, too much convo, not enough descriptions ^^
It seemed a bit rushed and what with Riku and Risa there, I don't think Niwa will act that way.
Also the grammar here need to be wathed.
Again, gomen if I sound harsh k!
Mousey

//totally blank expression, wide goggled eyes, mouth open with surprise//
...uh...wow...that - was...uhm...quite - uh...let's just say that was - odd...i mean, satoshi-kun expessing his feelings and all...uh...no further comments :: but i didn't say - write - that was bad!

Hi!Vien!!(Vien?)^.^!!I think Niwa n hiwatari make a good couple, however, ur fic...ur fic...is bit too aggresif 4 me!!But I like the ending, though. nice fic. Keep on!!

I like the fic, it's cool, though the english was really hard to follow. And it was a bit fast, besides that cool story!

It's a nice fic (though i don't actually like fics with shonen-ai but most of the DNAngel fics avaliable are about Satoshi+Daisuke, Dark+Krad, Dark+Daisuke. your summary actually made me read it. but yours was not too bad. Were you rushing when you wrote this fic. It seems as if you were. Things went to fast or it could have been longer.

i think itz not bad...but i think every thing is goin a bit 2 fast don't u think?
U should drag the fic 2 make it more interesting...
UPdate soon...
rubymoon@goddessmail.com