You're a good writer. That's obvious. You've created a massive, (well, not 'massive', but bigger than most) detailed,well-written, disturbing story. There's just one problem: it's too direct. This chapter for example. I realize that it's impossible to be subtle when writing about warped mental states to the extent that you are, but as the old cliche goes, you're telling rather than showing.

For example, near the start of the chapter, where he is using crucio on them, you don't really show Severus' thought processes as much as you tell them. It was disturbing but it was too direct. It lacked the power that something more subtle might. Maybe that's what you were going for, and I shouldn't criticize because I can't do any better, but it would add so much more if it were subtle. Maybe 'subtle' isn't the right word. 'Detailed' certainly isn't. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that it seems like it would be so much more powerful if I could see Severus' mental state rather than being told about it though direct examples. The problem is, I have no idea how that would be done.

G'day,
I have started reading this story quite a number of times in the past, and I'm always impressed by how well written it is. I think that might be why I haven't been able to finish it yet. That probably didn't make sense, so I'll have to elaborate... You write so well that I can't help but feel an emotional connection with severus, and quite frankly your severus is one of the most depressing people anyone could have a connection with. It was probably intentional, so I won't hold it against you. :). I like seeing severus recover, but it seems like he's just going to reject the light anyway. I just want to see him find happyness, I think because he reminds me a little of myself when I was a depressed 15yr old (minus the history);I had no friends, no self esteem, worked obsessivly hard at school and never thought that my straight As were worth anything.

Anyway, that was a bit of a ramble, but the point is that I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to finish your story - it makes me feel depressed. I do think you are a great author though and you've done a great job on the story. If you write an AU version with a happy ending, please let me know ;).
xx

this trilogy is fabulous. I can wait for you to continue with path of twinkling dust. love them, love them, love them e.

this story is really brilliant, will that thing (it was in the books, i think it was the third book) where sirius tricks severus into going into the passageway to find out what lupin is up to but it's a full moon, does that happen in thsi story (it probably sounds like nonsense when i say it but it was mentioned in the book and i was wondering if you would use that in the story) well anyway it's a great fic :) and i apolagise if i havn't reviewied more i never really know what to put in them besides kl story update soon and considering this story is finished that would sound extremely dumb :)

Dumbledore with his grand plans. He never chose the easy way for his charges, did he?

How lucky Severus was to have Gorgon!

Dumbledore has taken on a great responsibility. I wonder if he can deal with it...I believe he could, if he had already less on his shouldres. But given their situation, I'm afraid, Severus will slip through the cracks.

I'm inclined to believe in Moody...of course it's possible to free oneself from such darkness, but I'm not sure sticking poor Severus among a group of children who have never known anything but light is a good solution.

oh wonderful ;)
I'll read more tommorrow!

Lucius is such a cunt

this chapter made me cry :[
such an emotionaly wrenching chapter :P

A very moving story.

Eek! Must stwitch to sequaul immediately. Lol...sorry about not reviewing every chapter, you get pretty caught up. You're awesome...

He's turned into his fathe...Merlin...crap...good chapter...moving on

I'm sorry, I really should review more but the only time it occurs to me is when my eyes get so filled with tears that I have to look away from the computer. Lord, do I know what Severus is feeling right now. YOu are...forget I'm not going to butter you with completements that I've already said. I want to read more. Great job, really.