>> _neh,,

I'm waiting for the next chappiE.. heheh. (",

_neh,,
I'm waiting for the next chappiE.. heheh..

update soon. things are just getting interesting.

nice.

nice,. i like it.

it's not yuuhi it's yuuya. like it. but it's so sad.

it`s been too long.. i hope you`re still updating =) `cuz i really want to know what happends to miyu. and also rei and aya. please continue soon!

I want more! please...please...pretty please...update! update! update!

know what..i read this ficcy in one sitting...what a record!! wooho!!...ANyway, please..onegai, remember that there are a lot of readers who are all desperate to read more of this ficcy...i'm one of them of course...so please don't let us all down! UPDATE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!! gud luck!!...I loved it!! really loved it!! So excitin'!! =))

The chapter suffers from some grammatical mistakes which should be fixed in a subsequent revision. Examples include: plurality disagreement, lack of antecedent starting paragraphs, comma-splices, using "it" instead of "that", lists not preceded by colons, starting sentences with conjuctions ("and" or "but"), starting sentences with the same word, misuse of the word "of", and just some problematic sentences that don't make sense. The list goes on, but isn't very helpful. What will help is to not depend on MS Word to correct grammar, and to read up on some short style manuals to become aware of the mistakes. Once the mistakes are fixed, the chapter should flow nicely and be a pleasant read.

Some other points:

- Please choose a tense and stick with it. Sometimes sentences are in the present tense, and other times swing into the past tense. The entire "book" should abide by a single tense, and all writing within it should abide by that. This will also fix many of the sentence problems.

- The author uses dashes to denote the protagonist talking to herself. This is often confusing, as dashes are usually used to asides, not dialogues (even if they somewhat form asides). The use of italics would probably better set off these dialogue-blocks than dashes (though this may be a limitation of the board).

- In the sentence: "Does apprehension...realization...really only occurs at the end of everything you just did?" I'm not too sure if "apprehension" is the correct word the author is looking for. Also, if the author did intend to use both words, the sentence should be changed to: "Do apprehension... and realization...really only occur after your decisions?"

- When using a verb as a noun (ex: "Like is different from love.") it is good to quote or italicize the words (in the example, "like" and "love").

Bottom line: The story is decent, but the grammar problems really ruin the read.

great story!i love it! excellento!

Hi Vivi! (Too lazy to log-in)

Nice story you've got there. Now I finally realized that you have a very unique writing style. Hmm.. I immediately understood your latest chapter even though I totally forgot what happened to the previous chapters. Anyway, nice story you've got there, and Rei finally realized that Aya really loves him.. who... But I saw a very different Ran.. a very different Ran. Anyways again... Keep it up Vivi! (tries to go back to the first chapter and start reading it all over again...)

This is AWESOME, PLEASE continue!! I want a beat-down on Mami, and yay for Miyu!! (I like Miyu. :D) Great job, update ASAP!!

Very interesting, I intentionally wanted to read for Rei and Aya pairing, but now I'm getting more interested in what happens to yamato and miyu. Update soon:P

sorry... for taking this review so long! anyways, nice shot! Thank you for the review and pls. update soon... as soon as you can keep on writing about it!
hehehe...ja ne!