Alrighty then, another Hemlock I see. That's actually how I found you too-the name. And surprisingly I found several others.

Neat.

But anyway, I also happen to be a fan of the XMen. Comics, movies, shows,-anything actually, I've always since little been a fan.

Also, Gambit has always been a favorite of mine and shall continue too.

Your story isn't terrible. I'll give you that, but there are some basic essentials lacking. That's why I'm here.

First of all: I take French and I know how the language works. You translated it all from a website, didn't you? It's not actually congigated all the way making it odd for a french-speaker to understand.

Here's an example:

"jour de colère que ce jour-là" "day of anger that that day"

Nice try, sneaky, but it's very apparent- that's why using foreign languages are tricky in fanfiction unless you're a native speaker or learning it.

Also, Gambit as a character: You're giving him a very thick and strong french accent-like from France-France. Remy's from the Bayou's. He doesn't have the Fleur Delacour accent, he's got the thick and rich slightly-but-too-much drawling voice of the south.

I adore that voice and it's important to give that to his dialogue otherwise it simply isn't in character. He also doesn't flaunt his french in the real versions of him. The only words I really recall him using to the others are chere to Rogue and...that's about it with a few small exceptions. Gotta watch that you don't over-do it.

Also, he isn't usually recognized as a 'cheerful' man-not exactly. He's more of a sly, and playful, mischievous kinda guy. He's an ex-villan afterall, he's got the part down pat. Ready for adventure but smooth and coy.

Which reminds me, your use of the word 'cloy' in the near beginning of the story-

"The voices were sweet and cloying at the same time"

If something is cloy, it means it is too sweet or rich due to excess. It's very awkward in this context. You already have 'sweet' in the same sentence so it all just seems rather redundant.Try rewording some of it for a smoother outcome. A little thing, yes, but I'm nit picky about sentence structure and I think these things should be addressed.

Your spelling isn't horrid, you just need to work on more imagery and word choice. Some of the dialogue is off and it tweaks me, but it can be fixed with work and with the proper precision.

Here's one of the parts which could use some changes. The section at the top where you have all of thoughs bolded French words and Remy responding:

Not for all of them but at least for some have some actions and say that it IS Remy talking here. It's a little confusing and it's a sloppy. There just needs to be a balance of things.

That's essential for story writing.

So there's a bit to chew on if you choose to. All I offer is a critique and you can take it or leave but I think you really should consider some of my points if you want to make this story of yours better.

From one Hemlock to another,

-Hemlock27

"Kurt fingered his lips" this sounds awkward to me. I think I know what you're trying to say but it comes off as well, a bit off.

"Hank just now had volunteered to do some research on the dead stranger in the Internet with the help of Ray Quinton Felix, a new member whose hacking is his expertise." you shifted your tense. miniscule but I never catch those so I thought I'd point it out

"'danger antenna'" I feel guilty for thinking this about a paraplegic, but I have this image of the Professor scooting aorund with a little radio antenna attached to the back of his wheel chair.

"The voices were sweet and cloying at the same time."

you could just say, "the voices were sweet and cloying." I should proabbly go check what cloying means. :)

Same with, "Something had woken him up. Maybe a dream, but he wasn't certain." to just "Something had woken him up. Maybe a dream." The maybe and shorter sentence gives away the sense of insecurity.

"The voices did stop as sudden ..." suddenly, I assume.

"He fell asleep later, the lights on. He woke up to a warm winter morning, the sun shining through the window and Remy was sure last night had been a strange nightmare." This way you don't have the repetive 'and'.

"Outside X-Mansion a lone figure was standing opposite the entrance to the mansion, a hooded sweatshirt concealing his identity. He gave a wide, malign grin that vanished instantly."

"I tried, but he only smiled and smiled each time that it drove me mad. He even smiled when I said he's a big bonehead with nothing but big talks and small dick." ) hee.

"Hank was surprised to see the change on Remy's face. He looked tired and there were dark circles under them." you forgot "the eyes" bit.

"Normally his hair was a casual mess, but now it was a real mess. Seemed like he had been running his fingers through them a million times." good personification.

very good story. i feel so sorry for Remy though. don't hurt Remy like that! you are an evil human being!

OMG, that was such a great story, one of the best I've read! Wow. Keep writing!

whoa, nice twist at the end. i sorta saw it coming, but didn't really believe it. pretty good way of gambit ending it. and how it affected jubilee, too. this was a great series. i hope you write more soon.

weeeeeeeh. snif, snif. this is so sad.

give me more.

Those were the best parts yet! Yes gory, but also so sad! I was almost crying-and that almost NEVER happens! Kudos on writing such a great story!

*blinks back tears*...That was an incredibly interesting story! I was not expecting that...impressive, really.

Excellent, excellent, excellent story! I loved it!

more more!

I like it!...just caught up with this series and i can't wait to see what happens

It's a great series, keep going!

i'm really liking your little universe here. it's a very interesting series. please continue.