Reviews for Relative speed 20

Reviews For: Relative speed 20

mcabello 2004-01-09 ch 2,	abuseGood fic.
a tattered rose 2004-01-07 ch 1,	abuseThe first part is spot on. Every word is purposeful and powerful. My immediate reaction to part two is that is can be more focused. For example, the first four lines are witty. The first paragraph is wonderful, and a continuation from the specificity of the first bit. Then there's a jumble of words that tell a story I like, but also leave me dissapointed that I missed out on an underlying theme. The first time I read this, my first reaction was "unneccesary words in part 2". Upon examination, they're not so much unneccesary as a dilution of part one. With large paragraphs, it feels like there should be more direction. Each is a block of action: do they start more directed and factual, and fall into emotion, like Bobby himself? Diction is another thing to play with more than you have. I adore the bit about him not remembering Bishop's first name. (Though I wonder if the first thing out of her mothers mouth wouldn't be 'so you worked with Lynn?) The paragraph starting "Lynn!" with the Eames tie-in is fantastic. She isn't remembered on her own terms, but as a comment by his "real" partner. Last paragraph: Hmm. When does he know that he'll forgive himself? This is a rational Goren thing to say, but I'm not convinced he'd use that logic, or let the logic sway him. What's frustrating me though is that the punch isn't big enough. I don't understand (or rather, I don't FEEL) why this is so horrible. Maybe a seperate paragraph for the last line, break it up, make is short, powerful, a slap in the face for the reader?
Cyclone2 2003-12-23 ch 1,	abuseYour first version was fine as it was, but I like this one much better. More insight, more information, more truth...well done!
piaffe417 2003-12-20 ch 1,	abuseWow - when you rewrite something you really go all the way! I liked this fic the first time, especially the way Bobby could put all of the facts about the speed of a bullet together in his head while it was happening - totally in character. The second time, though, I think you really captured everything perfectly, particularly his guilt-ridden gladness that it wasn't Eames. Two thumbs way up!
anonymous 2003-12-20 ch 1, anon.	abuseEw. I do like this re-write. Very good insight into Goren's thoughts. Totally within character. Good job. Totally awesome ending.
MMB 2003-12-20 ch 1,	abuseI must admit I like this better the second time around. Not just because I'm not as fond of Bishop as I am of Eames, but because you did a better job of getting inside Goren's head after the fact. Nicely done.
Jei Hua Mae 2003-12-20 ch 1,	abuseWow, so good! It was honest and beautifully written. Often times I'm not a big fan of drama (I love your limericks) but when they're well done like yours they rock. Plus, I wouldn't be crushed if Bishop died. smiles a guilty grin
mcabello 2003-12-19 ch 1,	abuseGood fic.

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