  Drugedgen 2007-11-28 . chapter 3Then the boy did something with his hands to bring warmth to my daughter, for some reason I couldn't stop laughing after reading that line
I like your ranma, he tells it how it is.
I can't help but feel this is kinda of parody, I like it.
why did you stop right when is was about to get to the good part |
| badexposition 2007-04-03 . chapter 5 Okay, you have a nice writing style and your grammar is clean. That's good.
What I don't really like are your characterizations. Ranma's ego and crude habits seem to fit the bill, but you have him thinking that he's so high and mighty. Yes, he does think highly of himself, but you make him to be the victim and the women to be the aggressors so much that it's incredibly irritating to read. I know he has had a difficult life back in his own world, but Ranma begins to respect women, learn a lot from his experiences, and had a lot of fun.
I know you're looking at the situation in a more realistic light. I agree that Shampoo overdoes her schemes, that Kodachi is insane, Akane is rather violent and Ukyo seems to want Ranma's hand in marriage rather than in friendship. HOWEVER, you only blow up their negative characteristics and leave their other qualities behind. Ranma's life is hellish, but he's not that bitter enough to think so full of himself. (This goes for most if not all of your fics.)
On the subject of characterization... Granted, I've only seen one episode of Rune Soldier Louie, but I really dislike the way you portray the three women. Yes, Ranma accidentally grabbed her chest, but how would you feel if someone just molested you (albeit not on purpose)? And the girls seem to be nice in the end, but you make them out to be batshit ** with a ten foot pole jammed up their **.
The whole man-hating bit is really blown out of proportion. In the original episode, they did not go ranting about stupid men and how only women would be acceptable for their group (or at least to the lengths you were taking it).
Last thing: your powering up of Ranma. I believe I read a rant of yours long ago about how you tend to give him all the breaks and leave the rest behind. Fine, that's fine! But you overdo it. In this fic he's great at martial arts AND in magic. No no no, he's got such a huge advantage over everyone in the world that it's entirely no fun to read about.
No one can beat him in a fist-fight. Yes, I can believe that. No one can beat him in a free-for-all either. Ranma can never improve if you keep powering him up like a Gary-Stu on crack. I know that you may say that he's compensating it for his lack of social tact, but the huge advantage you're giving him is too much.
You also got rid of his problems. More importantly, the neko-ken. I know what Genma did was wrong, but you removed a huge part of what makes Ranma Ranma. In fact, you removed many things, things that caused him problems. But that's exactly why we watch Ranma 1/2. BECAUSE of those problems. I admit, I'd rather read fics where Ranma is either cured or still cursed (not permanently female), but I can barely recognize the guy anymore. You're better off labeling him as an original character with uber powers and a superiority complex.
The POINT: You're giving the guy too big of an advantage. He's not the OMG!Victim you make him out to be. He does wrong, so do the girls. Your bias is clearly showing.
Yes, you don't like the female characters. Bashing is not the way. IMPROVE on them what you don't like through experiences and characterization. Don't pick out whatever qualities suit your purposes and throw the rest of them away.
From here, I can barely perceive this story as a Ranma fic. But these are all my opinions. I see you have your share of fans, but don't let this review bring you down. Please consider whatever I pointed out. Keep writing. You have a huge potential. |
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