Umm...yeah this is actually quite horrible. Not the story but the writing.

The idea is good and such but you keeping looping yourself, the changing POV is distracting and confused and everything really really needs to be betaed.

Please reread this and repost it cause I was enjoying it somewhat. The opening in the first chapter was well done then it kind of just jumps and twists and I got a headache though I did manage to get to chapter 4.

With a little proofreading and direction I think you have a worthwhile story here but right now it needs help. If I had to describe your writing in one word it would be immature. It looks like a story format I used in fourth grade.

Find an English major (gods know we have nothing better to do), give them a printed off copy, a red inkpen and let them go to town. If nothing else you'll learn something about paragraph structure.

Consider this your first draft and hopefully future copies will be better cause right now it's quite horrible.

Wonderful story! I don't have much time, so I owe you a larger chapter! but, I'm gonna be short for now. They are a wonderful couple, and I can't wait for them to found out that too. haha, I think it will be a very good story til the end, so, good luck, my friend, I will be waiting!

aww this is kinda cute, i hope squall and seifer got togerther soon.

luv Faina

Hello, hello! Very interesting fanfiction. The writing style is excellent! Sadly, I don't know a thing about any of the FF games, so I have no clue who the people are, the weapons, or anything. However, the story is very enjoyable to read, even without the background knowledge.

This story is wonderful so far, I really don't have anything helpful to say so just keep on writin'!

ey great story i luv it! I wonder why i never checked this story out before! Its great!

Neway, Seifer is so in love with Squall! I can't wait for the next chapter! c ya!

Hikari Heijin

Yes, I was about to say don't worry about what that one zero person said, they obviously don't pay attention to details or haven't seen enough pictures. The three other belts are on the right leg btw o They defiantly don't have a picture gallery of over a hundred... Ahem, ANYhoo Great fic, interesting so far, not to mentioned cute _ Can't wait to see what happens next.

I love this fan fiction! It is so cute!

i added it to my favortites list! : i love it to pieces! Make another chapter soon! pweaasse?

squall only has three (3) belts!

cool

Arg! How could you? I wanna know what happens next!*cries*
Excellent! I love this story already. Please update soon
**Tootles**
*Eternal_Darkness*

nice fanfic... it IS going to be a yaoi... eh ?

*smacks forehead* you stopped there?

*grins* o...hehe..Seifers got a bit of a crush...

The tenses keep changing, and sometimes the POV doesn't make sense, but other then that, not bad.