What a heart-warming and depressing story...I feel the same love to my own younger sister so I can relate to this alot...Please update soon!

thats sad...but great. Update soon.

Wow that was beautiful I almost want to cry. See that is the thing people dont understand. Kikyou isn't that walking corpse Kikyou is the kind loving priestess who was killed by Naraku. That walking corpse is just a, well walking corpse she isn't the real Kikyou. I am glad you were able to bring out the real Kikyou. Not many authors can or will do that. I changed my name a little.

I love Kikyou and this story is so sad for her. I feel really bad for her, why did you do that to her? But this is great and update soon. Stupid mom they have.

Wow tHAT WAS GREAT! oops, on caps. Anyway, plz continue. Though have more than just thoughts, ok? But that's still ok.

Your stuff [my comments, criticisms, and corrections]
~*NOTE*~ Hey everyone! I wrote this for another website but it turns out.they [out that they] charge you!! So screw that idea, hehe. So let's see which character this will work best with.*thinks* I basically wanted this to be for a girl with a sister, but I suppose it could work with well.[insert space]I have no idea!! Hehe.
[Well, having read through it, it seems that its not even a piece of Inuyasha fanfiction. I'm not saying that it's a bad piece of writing, just that it seems to be an original piece of fiction the characters of which happen to be named Kikyou and Kaede.]
Well, now that I read it again, It works with Kikyo [Kikyou] and Kaede but they have to be in the modern time. Alright, so they have a drunken mom that beats Kikyo, the mom doesn't care or love them. But Kikyo [Kikyou] wants to free her sister and herself from this life. But how far will she go? Read and review please!
[Okay, here are my feelings on Author's notes: They should go on the end of the story, all of them. You really should let your story stand by itself without an introduction, without explanations, et cetera. A good story doesn't need either of those, it stands alone and it is judged alone.]
[You need a disclaimer. You do not own Inuyasha: Sengoku O-Togi Zoushi, and thus you should give credit where it is due.
Disclaimer:
All characters of "Inuyasha: Sengoku O-Togi Zoushi" A.K.A. "Inu-Yasha: A Feudal Fairytale" Are the 1998 property and copyright of Rumiko Takahashi; Shogakukan Inc.; Kitty; Fuji TV; and, Viz Communications. No copyright infringement is intended.
That's a proper disclaimer.]
[Now you need a title here, and preferably, underneath that, your name, or at the very least, your nom-de-plume.
We Should Have Known Better
An Inuyasha fanfiction by: Prplpenguin56
And that's how that should go.]
We should have known better, [better. I] I was a fool for believing I could escape. Leave [escape; leave] from this hell hole of a home, leave [home; leave] everything behind me to forget [forget; but, never] but never forgive. [The corrections in the last sentence I made connect the second two sentences, but they also give a definite sense of the various things Kikyou wants to leave . . . and then that "BUT" hits you square between the eyes to indicate that Kikyou is traumatized so much that no penance would ever repair her relationship with whomever she is speaking of.] I can never forgive [her] for what she had done to me [you should probably change 'had done' to 'has been doing': 'had done' indicates that it happened only once in the past and that is it; 'has been doing' indicates a continual series of acts committed against her.]. Nor [to me and my family: 'nor my family' indicates that she can neither forgive her mother nor her family for what they all did to her, where as 'to me and my family' means that her mother has done things to all of them.] my family, [change the comma here to a colon (:).] she ruined everything. I knew it was up to me to do what the others were afraid to do [who are these others? Isn't it just her and Kaede?]. I could change our life style, even if my younger sister wanted nothing apart [nothing to do with it; apart is what happens to two things being pulled away from one another] of it or [if she] would be the most effected by my mistakes, she would understand when she got older, [semi-colon] she would understand normal families don't go through what we went through.
*
I had just entered my room, [change the comma to a dash. A dash is where you have a space, hyphen, space. Ex: my room - it was] it was slightly bigger than a closet with a torn cot that was ripped to shreds from god knows what in the corner of the bug invested lair, [change this comma as well to a dash: lair - you] you could tell the comfort [comforter] was from a nearby dump which [which, surprisingly] surprisingly enough, she dragged home by herself, what love. My stained walls and carpet reeked with alcohol, [alcohol. "She] she must have been here [here," I] I thought. There was nothing in my room, nothing at all that I cared about anyways, it was all a bunch of memories, memories I never wished to have. I would do anything to erase these memories from my mind, and heart.
Nothing kept me here, except for my sister who [who, some] some how, loved our greatest enemy. I would never leave my sister behind; she was the most important thing in my life, unlike our very own version of the devil. My mother was a crazed woman who had never held a decent job in her entire life. She did nothing for her family or for herself. She hasn't even experienced love, if not from her own children, defiantly not from another man who just uses her.
[The last sentence, I believe, may sound much better if it went like this:
"She has never experienced love, at least she has steadfastly refused to accept it from her own children, and definitely not from any of the many men who have simply used her."
At least, that sounds a lot better to me. The reason I changed it so is because you indicate earlier in the same paragraph that in fact Kaede DOES love her, and later on, in the next paragraph, you indicate that there are many many men who use her so.]
But sadly enough, she doesn't believe [that] they use her, but they play her like a drum for her money. [once again, this is a place for a dash.] well[,] my money to be correct. She spends all her time with 'this weeks man' just for a good time, [and] then they leave her. She blames us for the supposedly 'man of her dreams' leaving her to rot with her children that she never wanted to have in the first place, we get the blame [the phrase after the comma here is redundant, nix it.]. And somehow, for all these years I believe her, I believed it was my entire fault. Sure I would run to my room after the daily butcher [butchering indicates that there is a knife involved and there is the systematic dismantling of a corpse of some creature . . . beating or even bludgeoning is a better term to use.] and cry, but not any more. I learned. I don't show any emotions; emotions are for the weak, and from all of this pain and suffering I endured, how would I be able to? I just sat on the ground welcoming her to bruise me, watch[ed] my blood fall to the ground staining the rat invested carpet that used to be a normal color. I would [typically, the sentence of this nature, is followed by "if I could" or some conditional. Either add the conditional, or change would to will.] change this way of life, my sister will never go through what I had to.
The only thing I worry of is that I'll face the same fate as her, but I promise no matter what, I will never do to my kids what she has done to us. I will show love even though I was never taught this apparently 'birth given' affection. I will raise my sister on my own, no matter how much pain I will be in, it will never compare with what I go through.
I had just gotten off work, I know, a fifteen year old trying to pay the bills in order to stay in this shack. I was lucky my friends' [friend's; friends' indicates that all of her friends have the same father.] father offered me this job, this job that left me in the kitchen for hours cleaning plates of those that were able to afford such a meal I never had in my life. I made little money, but it got us by. [I make little money, but it gets us by. The last sentence is talking about her current job, whether or not she is actually working that job as the story progresses.]
My sister would [WILL; this is about the third or fourth time that you've confused conjunctive with normal future tense. 'My sister would be' indicates that she used to get home at this time, but now, because she is dead, she no longer goes to school. 'My sister will be' indicates that in just a little while, she'll be hopping though the door.] be getting home from school soon where she is teased and ridiculed for being poor, where she wore [wears] dresses too small and [uses] a torn up sack for her books and writing utensils. The teachers weren't [aren't] much better,[:] they seemed [seem] to get a sickening pleasure at [out of, not at] humiliating my poor sister in front of all the rich snobs that didn't [don't] know a book apart from their sacked lunches. My sister though, she was and still is brilliant [My sister, she has always been brilliant]. I can see it in her dark brown eyes that she understood [understands] everything, she showed [shows me that she] wanting [wants] to learn more.
I admired my younger sister greatly, she will grow up to have an amazing job, [and] she will have the life she deserves. But, I must make this happen first, I must free us from this hell. And I promise, [nix the comma] that I will. But for now, all I can do is dream.
~*NOTE*~ So, how was it? I'm not sure if I'll continue with this story, not that many like Kikyo [Kikyou] but this is a different version of her! Thanks everyone for reading this very weird story. Bye!
[Okay, what DID I think of your story? Hmm . . . well, you show a lot of potential. Despite the poor execution, you do a pretty good job of sucking the reader into the story to really empathize with the character, something that is very important. One of your biggest problems is that you write the way you speak. That is a big problem. For example, you really shouldn't use contractions in your story at all, unless they are being spoken by a character. Furthermore, you seem to really have a problem with switching tenses sometimes only mid-paragraph, but worse, sometimes, mid-sentence! This is just something you'll have to work on. Your spelling was definitely not that bad, so I can't fault you there.
As for the use of Kikyou, I highly suggest that you continue to do so. You've made your bed, now sleep in it, so to speak. I happen to be a rabid Kikyou fan and any tiny little bit that might cause the masse known as the ff.net Inuyasha fanfiction community to even slightly sway towards liking, or even at the very least, appreciating Kikyou is a good thing in my opinion.
Definitely continue writing, but do try to work on the things I've pointed out, and I do hope that my comments, criticisms and corrections help you along that path.]

Nice story, this is just perfect and for shame with the website, they're missing out on an amazing story. And just because it's about Kikyou might make people not want to read this. Which really sucks but it's the truth. Just wanted to say this is amazing and you are a true author, if I was registered, I'd put you on my Favorite authors list! Maybe you should switch it to maybe Kagome and Souta, once again I'm sorry for what others think. But this was a wonderful story and I really enjoyed this.