Wow! Very, very cool update... I never suspected Shari would consider living the same way Lark does.
One question: you said this story would have three chapters. If this the final installment? If so, a good, thought-provoking ending - if not, I'd love to see an update. A nice, one-paragraph piece about a young woman walking the streets and her choice on how to live her life would be great.
Again, thanks for a great story!
~Kaz

WONDERFUL! Dark, and so perfectly portrayed. Shari's class and upbringing were highly evident! Beautiful writing, and great emotion. I felt myself going through the same thing as Shari!

Gah! I just read my last review to this story. That was, quite simply, a prime example of why I should not be allowed to submit things until I have had the chance to glance over them. I am ashamed, appalled, purely horrified by the result of my carelessness and fast typing. What a splendid mish-mash of mistakes, mistakes, and unsurprisingly additional, staggering, evil mistakes. If, by the will of some divine power, you were able to weed through that atrocity of errors galore and find a pleasant review, you should count yourself blessed. I'm looking at it right now and I have yet to discern where I was going...
:: amused, yet chagrined smile ::
I tried to submit this beforehand, but FF.net decided (at the most inopportune of moments, mind!) to despise me, to revile and ignore my very being, and slap me with some absolutely catastrophic nonsense. Who the hell came up with the message, ‘this page cannot be displayed?’ When it appeared in the browser after I pressed that cheerful blue button at the bottom of the screen, I was tremendously flustered and reeling in dismay. Gah! The nerve! Has the universe gone mad?!?! It’s a good thing I save these just in case something goes horribly amiss…
Meep. Please ignore my flagrant digression. I have a deep-seated penchant for weaving such tangents into my words…
:: shakes head:: How will this _ever_ get back on track? Er…was it ever? Sheesh…must go on to the review…now!
For starters, I enjoyed this chapter as much as the first. Lark is a vixen, a wonderfully colorful character, both entertaining and sinful to follow. Her speech, her very deportment is intriguing, her views as jaded as a soldier’s. I adore her irreverence, the gruffness, the rough and tumble attitude of the streets (though she was not born in them). Each facet adds flavor and depth to an already tantalizing, revealing tale.
In all honesty, the title still puzzles me, esp. now that I’ve read chapter two. Was the story termed in an ironic sense? As in, Lark chose her destiny - to leave her family, to control her life (the very opposite of a fate preordained). Or is it supposed to remain a mystery until the last? Tee-hee! You’d think that I’m continuing to read this only to clarify what it means. (However, that is not the case. Your words work like magic. They cast a spell of generous magnitude, drawing the reader in, enchanting them, causing them to lose sight of all except your clever characters and exciting, adventurous narration.)
I have a nitpick, albeit a minor one. While the conversation between the two seemed to be a necessary plot device, I felt it strange that Lark would divulge the details of her previous life to a complete stranger. It seems to go against her nature, the fabric of her existence. From what I gather, she won’t give an inch - no man or woman can force her to commit an act against her will. As such, it seems that telling one’s history to the unfamiliar Shari would relinquish power to her. Would give her some edge that perhaps she shouldn’t have. Something that could be used to coerce Lark. Gah! To put it in layman’s terms (since I am so inarticulately expressing my thoughts), her openness was a smidgen awkward. (Though I suppose it can be explained by the sisterly bond of wild magic…er...)
That last line was a true attention-grabber. I can’t wait to see what you evils you deal to Shari!
Keep up the great work!
-Av

EEp! I'm so sorry for falling into a vast hole just short of oblivion, and thus not responding to your e-mail. I feel completely and, quite justly, terrible! I am a troll - not the kind of internet species that haunts the LotR boards and acts unbelievably immaturely by initiating those dense (unnecessary) posts about how the movies are racist (when they are clearly not), but the kind of unsightly, malevolent creature that you encounter most often in fantasy novels. The sort of monster that you want to annihilate, because it adds no value to the world except to terrorize innocents and devour unsuspecting children. Yes, my dearest goddess of the written word, such is the vile nature of my existence. And so, I most humbly prostrate myself before you with the sincere hope that it is in your wonderfully poetic heart to forgive me - oh, most unworthy being that I am.
Long-winded apology aside, it may surprise (and, mind my presumption, delight) you to learn that I _actually_ have a review for your story lurking just within my fingertips. As usual, I am amazed and enchanted by the way you draw your reader into your character’s world (this time through the often challenging, though certainly rewarding, narration of first-person). The young, reluctant Shari that you have charmed us with is quite a glaring contrast to Shari at the prime of her life. She undoubtedly does not possess the world-weariness that was so enticing and captivating in Yladar’s Heir, but there is a different quality to her - one that is no less heartfelt.
Through such simple girlish manners as giggling, you revealed to the reader. You gave us an adorable and satisfying illustration of youth’s naivety - of the innocence that childhood inexperience casts on life. I loved that take. It was very endearing to see these girls marching off to the seedy bars of Lower City, all bravado, all daring, and then laugh in childish whimsy while seated within them. Even more poignant was Shari’s confusion upon seeing a prostitute with both an uncanny capability of singing and the copper fire of wild magic, yet still ‘stuck’ within a lowly, perhaps even godsforsaken, profession.
I admit to a little (if truth be told, considerable) uncertainty regarding the title of your story. Predestined implies a fate fixed at the time of birth (well, not even birth, but a destiny planned and laid out). Does this refer to the woman in scarlet and black? I can only imagine this would be the case, though I suppose you will answer it within the next chapter or two. I can wait…
Overall, what thrilling start to a three-part story!
-Av

It's really good! I don't know what else to add, because there isn't anything to critise. ~smiles~ Keep updating!

Wow! Fantastic! Ever since I read Ravenpeak, your writing style has had me hooked. Seriously, I think you are an incredibly talented writer and if I could even come close to matching your skill, I'd be over the moon.

well, nice detail. I'm not for prostitution. But her decision. Shari seems both mislead, and naive. But smart enough to survive. I guess