 ranma girl 14 2005-12-07 . chapter 1NO
wut did she wish for,... will we ever know U_U |
 Colormyworld 2005-11-26 . chapter 1^^ Great fic so far, it's really truly sweet. I love the RxA pairing. Update soon. |
 Sasi 2004-11-07 . chapter 1Wow. Now, I'm not the best person, to be talking about edit jobs, but, I think you might want to read this one outloud. Some of the sentences don't flow like they should.
'Ranma nodded and took the pen and began to write on the card.'
This could be written: Ranma nodded, taking the pen, and began to write on the card.
Also, what the heck is up with that old man?? lol. I'm confused as to the meaning of his words: "The word may be rhetorical you know..." I'm aware of what rhetorical is, not sure how it applies to what's going on.
Watch out for over using certain words and phrases. 'The pendent'; 'shopping' expecially since you have him at a 'shop'; and 'old man' yes he's old and a man, however, after the fifth or sixth time it gets--old. The first one is my biggest beef. Necklace or talisman would work in a few places to break up all the pendent usage.
Overall, I enjoyed this. Very well written and not dangerously OOC. Other fics out there, that I've read, authors don't make the effort to try. You've done a great job; doublely great since you're in the navy and might not have a lot of free time for writing. My ex-navy boy-friend Chris was right about you, you're pretty darn good ^_^. |
 David P 2004-06-21 . chapter 1 This fanfiction is good. It's a little short but it tells a lot in a few paragraphs. I like it a lot. |
 Phantom Crossing 2004-06-20 . chapter 2hmm...I have interest...and a query...
The old man who wasn't there...the collection of various fantasy themed relics and magic items... though massive d&d references...the old man said one thing that makes me think of a purple haired rougish priest...but that is just me...
AWESOME FIC NONE THE LESS! |
 Sieg1308 2004-06-20 . chapter 2Aw... That really sucks that you can't continue it... Oh well... I myself ain't a writer so I can't continue it... |
 Sieg1308 2004-03-12 . chapter 2update please |
 justin timberland 2004-01-27 . chapter 1 please update soon! |
 Devil 2004-01-14 . chapter 2 This story is very good. Update Soon! |
 blank 2004-01-13 . chapter 1 hey! you've got a pretty story goin' here! nice plot... only one thing, it's sequel... with an E... not sequal... |
 dogbertcarroll 2004-01-11 . chapter 2"She began to cry tears of joy, much to the confusion of her mother and the medical staff."
What? It's a newborn and it's crying and they
are suprised?
It's an interesting concept for a story. |
 dogbertcarroll 2004-01-11 . chapter 1So who is the main character standing in place of
Ranma? It's not Ranma. The name and description
may be the same but that's all. |
 Jerry Unipeg 2004-01-11 . chapter 2I enjoy it. |
 Jerry Unipeg 2004-01-11 . chapter 1Nice start. |
 rosch 2004-01-11 . chapter 2Well.. this is new... ^_^ I'd like to see how this develops... |