The "pattable" line killed me.
It did.
And then I was revived, just to die again from the same line.
Laughter is worse than drugs like that, no?

Thank you so much for this. I loved the bits about moral relativism and all of Hermione's other witty descriptions of what evil is. Oh, and the Santas. Can't forget the Santas.

This was absolutely delightful. I loved it!
vg

Wickedly wonderful. Thanks!

lol. This story is hilarious. I almost cried when I read the sheep and zipper lines. I absolutely loved it and though it's intended for Christmas spirit and it's April, I'm undeniably cheered. -- Jess

This was wonderfully christmassy for the middle of July :) I'm tired and it was either list the bits that made me laugh or not review at all, so here goes...

My fav bits:

"Trees so ugly that no amount of tinsel could make them look like anything but what they were: the spotty teenagers of the arboreal world"
-a perfect description of just about every xmas tree I can ever remember having :)

"She walked very quickly and avoided eye contact, several times having to feign deafness in order to avoid people who were showing a dangerous inclination to offer her - she shuddered - their *best*."
-lol! I hate to admit how utterly I understand her mood. Shiny happy people, ergh. Just can't stomach them.

"Five minutes later, there were ten Santa Claus's jostling for space on the small patch of wall"
-just loved that image :P

"he was alone and, apparently, armed only with his wit. So, pretty much harmless."
-*snicker*

"And Hermione thought of her mother and her father and their horrible Christmas tree, and said calmly, "Yes, that's right.""
-that just made me want to go 'aw'

"he looked like a wolf that had just discovered an unexpected zipper on the sheep it was about to have for dinner"
-brilliant simile :)

"he was nearer and, um, tall"
-the 'um' totally made that sentence :P

"In five seconds, he went from a tall dark figure to... well, all right, to a tall dark figure who looked like he needed a pat on the head."
-aw! Again, a brilliant image amusingly put.

Thanks!

funny
oh, you ARE innovatively amusing.
amazing
your writing reminds me of my friend.
semibutterfly-inducing
i like how she tries not to *notice*.
surprising
the wolf. the sheep. and the slap.
but sweet
i need a sequel.

Remains one of my absolute favorite HG/DM stories Ever. In Desperate Need of sequel.

Moral Relativity is a beautiful thing. smile.

I so very thoroughly enjoyed this. Just the laugh I needed this December 1st morning. Thank you.

Crikey, this was cute, too! :D

Oh lord. That had me cackling to the point where I choked and began to cough uncontrollably.

That certainly deserves a sequel. Malfoy's gift back.

Hahahahaha! XD She's so evil! You have to continue that one! Looks promising ;3

Hilarious!! So, any thoughts on another chapter? What is Malfoy planning to get her? hehehe

AHAHHAHA! Love it. Its adorable! So cute!

Oh wow, I absolutely loved this. Those interactive santa mural things were hilarious. You have a really funny, unique writing style.